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Six months


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Tuesday will be six months since Mom died. Tomorrow Ian is five months old. Tomorrow is also six months since I last saw my mom alive. Six months since I kissed her cheek when it was warm.

Mom, each day it hurts more and more. I feel like I am just in limbo, like something is going to happen but for now I'm just hanging out here in oblivion, waiting. This life I'm living seems like a dream. It can't really be possible that I am able to live without you. You're my mom; since you died, shouldn't I have died also??

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I know how difficult it is, I miss my dad too, it will be a year at the end of this month. I know my dad is around me, I didn't believe in signs and I know you may not believe it, but I've been crossing paths, in some strangest places, with the orange and black monarch butterflies, orange and black, my dads colors ( he was born on Oct.), too many coinsidences, even my husband has noticed. I know it's my dad. He's at peace, please know your mom is still around you, as my mom said, just not in the same place, thats all. Please take care of yourself, enjoy that beautiful sweet baby boy!!! Celebrate your mothers' legacy!!!


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Guest Mom'sGirl

Dear Erin-

I am so, so sorry you are hurting this way. I wish I could offer more comfort, but I am as angry as you are right now with this disease that robbed us of our beautiful strong mothers, and the grandmothers to our children. And to make things worse for you, I will probably be leaning on you new moms as my pregnancy nears the end (and afterward). I feel like I will never recover from this, that my life is so hugely altered I will never be truly joyful again.

No one loves you like your mom, that's a fact. Losing that completely unconditional love, it's brutal. My husband asked the other day where I'd gotten the shoes I had on. Without thinking I said "Oh, my mom got them for me!" Then I remembered, only a little over a month ago she presented me with a bag that had two pair of flip-flops in it, one black and one silver. I already had a gold pair and had mentioned how comfy they were. On one of her rare trips out, she bought two more pair for me, saying, "Now, Michele, you can't have enough of these for the summer, what with you being pregnant and everything. I know how swollen your feet get..." Only your mom thinks of that and does that stuff for you - thinking about that seemingly simple incident was like a hammer hitting me in the head and I just sobbed...

So I do know how you are feeling, although I am earlier in the process. It just sucks, and that is the bottom line. I pray that things get better for you, I really do...

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