Hi. I am new here. My name is Amy.

[Guest bbypookins]

Hi Amy-

My Mom, Judy, 65, was just diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma stage III two days ago (although we've known of the cancer possibility for a few weeks) and there's a possibility of it being around the heart. It is inoperable.

I am overwhelmed as well and am so glad I found this sight. Any time you want to chat please feel free to email me. I have no idea what to expect but I seem to be focused on the worst right now. Mom and I are extremely close and I have no family of my own. I'm single and 35. My friends don't seem to want to hear me just whine about it, so I don't really feel I have anyone to talk to. I have a sister whom I'm very close to, but she is just being positive and doesn't want to dwell. Not that I want to either, but I can't seem to help it. Mom is terrified of dying by knows she's going to. She's felt for a while that her time was growing near. I can't even comprehend living without her. My father and I are close too, but in a different way. He's not handling this very well either. He's always been a pessimist. My 91 year old grandma seems to be the most positive. "It's not a death sentence anymore," she says. But, I find it hard to believe my mom will live as long as her now, and I'd always expected her to.

I will hope for the best for you and your father. Take care-

Kim

[AmyLW]

I am sorry to meet you this way. Please know my heart is with you. I have a diferent relationship with my Dad and my Mom and Grandparents are all gone. But I have 3 sisters, and we are learning to get through this together. I too am the one who couldn't help but think of the fact that this will take him. It was always and still is, on my mind. I have two children, and my oldest who is 8 will have many memories of him, but it crushes me that my baby(20 months) will never remember his Grandpa. He is almost finished planning his funeral. It just hurts me to the core. He is still trying to work as much as he can, he said what I have known all along, when he can't work it is over. He doesn't want to sit around waiting to die.

We were lucky, it did not get to his heart. I truly hope you have as much good time with her as possible. I couldn't figure out how to e-mail you, but I would love to talk, so e-mail me at AmyCurt@excite.com.

Amy

[Karen]

Amy,

My heart goes out to you. Your wanting to be positive yet acknowledging possible realities is so much like how I was with my father-in-law. He had SCLC and when it went to the brain a little voice in my head said "You knew that was going to happen." I had tried to talk him into doing preventive brain radiation but he couldn't go through with after the first attempt. He did great with the chemo, had some throat issues with the radiation, but just couldn't do with having his head strapped down in a mask with rays on his brain. Major anxiety attack. I had to respect his decision and just prayed it wouldn't come back in the brain. (Hate this blasted disease. ) He also wanted to work as long as possible...he was only 56...and did so up until the last 3 weeks. He even talked about beating this beast and returning to work ASAP when he had. The idea of just hanging around unable to work was a thought that didn't sit well with him.

He and my MIL had already paid for their cremations a year before cancer even interrupted our lives, but the memorial service planning came down to me by her side in the priest's office at the very end. My two sister-in-laws each did their own thing to help as well. We all somehow just pulled together in the way that seemed to be our niche. However, planning funerals was not something I concerned to be my niche; I just think she turned to me because I was the one who went to church the most.

It was a very surreal world for awhile for me, still is for my MIL and my husband. I knew my FIL for a little over 16 years and it was and still is hard to have him "gone", but the thought of losing my own "daddy" is just absolutely unbearable to me. I am so glad you found this board to share your feelings with. Like you said, only so many people you can unload your feelings on. It helps to chat with folks who know your walk a bit. You are the only one who can walk it. Do what you need to do when you need to do it. If you need to cry, then cry. If it helps to be the sturdy oak right now, that is okay too. Only you can determine what you need just as your father is the only one who can determine his use of time right now. Keep us posted and hang in there.

You, your father and FIL are all in my prayers. Try to get some sleep and keep yourself healthy right now. Bond with those sisters now more than ever. It will do your father good to see that. My husband and his two brothers have been incredible when it comes to supporting each other and my MIL, and we daughter-in-laws are a little support group of our own at times as well.

God bless~

Karen M.