Chemistry Test

[Nushka]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington

chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor

shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,

why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or

endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law

gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some

varient.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changin g in time. So

we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the

rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume

that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no

souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's

look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most

of these religions state that if you are not a member of their

religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these

religions and since people do not belong to more than one

religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and

death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell

to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the

volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the

temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of

Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This giv es two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which

souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will

increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls

in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell

freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman

year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,"

and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night,

then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is

exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory

is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not

accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only

Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which

explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh m y God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

[cindi o'h]

oooooo!

not only is he smart, but a good loverboy too!

A is deserved!

Cindi o'h