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Merry Christmas and thank's for all the Forward's...


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>>MERRY CHRISTMAS and Thanks for all the Forwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


>>My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the

>>time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.


>>I want to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and a

>>very prosperous New Year.


>>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.


>>Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shi_ in the glue on

>>envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need

>>to seal an envelope.


>>Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because

>>of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove

>>toilet stains and may eat my guts out as well.


>>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these

>>products are atheist bastards who refuse to put "Under God" on their



>>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.


>>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be

>>pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


>>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a

>>water buffalo on a hot day.


>>I no longer go to shopping malls, because someone might drug me with a

>>perfume sample and rob me.


>>I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex

>>since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


>>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

>>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

>>Singapore, and Uzbekistan.


>>I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible

>>mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


>>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my

>>free replacement pair from Nike.


>>I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I

>>now have their recipe.


>>I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count, I have 363,214

>>angels looking out for me in addition to all of you dear friends.


>>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I

>>forward an e-mail to seven hundred of my friends and make a wish within

>>five seconds.


>>I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is

>>about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).


>>I no longer have any money at all -- but that will change once I

>>receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

>>participating in their special e-mail program.


>>Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now

>>return the favor during 2007!


>>If you don't send this dumb e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the

>>next seven minutes, a large flock of pigeons with a wicked case of

>>diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CST) this afternoon and

>>crap all over you.


>>I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my

>>next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's third cousin's



>>Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Did you not make any money off of the Nigerian air crashes this year? :shock: Maybe the European Lottery? :oops: What about the Lady is Saudio Arabia with Breast cancer? :( Did I mention the Sudaneese Diamond mines?? :lol::lol:

Me neither :mrgreen:

Thanks Needed A chuckle this morning!!

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