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Not Sure Sometimes What To Do For The Best

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My Mum rang me this morning to tell me that my Dad was coughing up alot of blood. He did'nt want the doctor to be called, but Mum was concerned about it. So I rang our cancer nurse, she said if it was a real concern then it would be best to ring the A&E department at the hospital and get them to come and take him into hospital. If we were to ask for our own Doctor to come for a home visit, it would not be till this afternoon,after his morning surgery, and he would only say to do as she had said. Went down to Dad's before work and he said he did not want to go into hospital and he was ok,what can you do. You can't make him do things against his will. It's the not knowing what to do for the best sometimes. If we can just get through the weekend then fine. As he has an appointment with the cancer Doctor on Monday afernoon and my brother who is going with them will tell the Doctor, what is happening at the moment. I felt like crying,but I won't in front of them, for Mum's sake and I had to go to work which is good for me. Writing this down gets out of my system thankyou for your support when I feel I need it. Sonia UK

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Hi sonia,

my dad was much like yours....(or like many men, if I can make that generalization) They are tough, strong, don't want to ask for help, don't want to feel defeated, must be "strong", and the like)

It's hard not knowing what to do, but I think it is important to report everything to his doctor- what happens after that is up to your dad to decide.

Perhaps have a chat with him when it is just you two.....this helped me. Express to him that being proactive and calling for help - helps YOU and your mom, because you both feel so helpless and all you want to do is help him....

Once my dad "viewed" the things we did as things that would help "us", (reverse psychology here?) he was more receptive to the help that we asked for and with being proactive in his own care.

I hope that makes some sense. I am a bit scattered these days with just losing my mom too so if this doesn't make sense, I am apologizing in advance.

take care and prayers for your whole family.

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Hi Sonia,

When we first started this process, my hubby would often brush off symptoms as not important. He also didn't want to "bug" the doctor! I explained my view, which is similar to what Katie said. Tell the doctor everything, and let him decide if it's normal or not. Then at least it's out there. And don't ever worry about bugging the doctor. It took us talking a bit about it, but he did realize in the end that it's important. And yes, sometimes I will just say, "just please do it for me." Maybe if your dad can see it that way, it may help.

I imagine your dad wants to be strong for you too and to not worry you. I wish your dad the best.

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My mom didn't want to 'bug' the dr. on Christmas Day...ended up in the hospital for two weeks instead. It is so hard to be the child and respect our parents' wishes. I can tell my mom what I think she should do, but I have to accept what she wants to do.

I pray your dad is all right!

:) Kelly

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Thankyou all for your replies to my last mail. All your comments were very helpful. I saw my Dad again late last night had a chat with him, about all that had happened during the morning. Explained that we needed to talk to the Cancer nurse, so as to make sure we were doing things right for him. He said that if he has to go into hospital at any time for a few days then he would, so long as he can come home again, which he would do I am sure.He said he wants to be with us all, his family.Had a good night,no more blood at the moment. Mum thanked me for just doing what I did and for just being there for them. I gave her a big hug and said she is doing so well caring for Dad. I shall be glad when he has seen the cancer doctor on Monday,and he has been given all Dad's latest condition. About his sickness, sometimes coughing up blood, the pain and not being able to walk without help.You never know what each day will bring,you want to be normal sometimes but when you do. You feel that its wrong when, so many people would just love to also. I find taking my new dog for walks a great help. God Bless All. I see from our news that parts of the U.S.A. have had some terrible weather. God Bless to All. Sonia UK

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