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3 Months


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3 months, where does the time go? Sometimes it feels like yesterday that Carlton left us. Other days it seems so long ago.

Does it get easier?, I wouldn't say easier, it gets "different". I still cry everyday, some more intense than others. The girls have their difficult days too.

Yesterday was hard, it was the girls spring music recital, Carlton made the winter one, bearly, he was so sick, but didn't want to disappoint us. Little did anyone know that 3 weeks later he would be gone.

I still don't know what to do. I still have to "tie up" loose ends. Did Carlton leave everything all set for us, No, I know he didn't expect the die so quickly, he was in the middle of so many things.

Are there things that still bother me, of course, I really didn't get to say goodbye to him, well I did, but he didn't to me, to the girls. Should I have taken back the DNR for the final moments so that I could of made it to the hospital in time to be there when he died?

I can't beat up on myself, am I still lost without him? in many respects yes, the house is way too big, Carlton loved it, he had so many "projects" to do, but me, I'm not a "handy" person, but I try.

So I get scared, yes, he isn't there to help me work out problems, if I'm doing the right thing, have I made the right decisions?

Now I have to figure out "our new life", I have a "little bit" of time, but not forever, I have 2 daughters to support. They fear something will happen to me. I still think it isn't fair for these young girls to be going thru such a loss.


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Grace - just take it one step at a time. Yes, its very unfair for your 2 young ones. Reach out to those around you to help guide you. You don't have to shoulder it all alone. Sometimes its easier when you put pen to paper as you think of things. You are doing your best in a very tough, emotional situation.

Just remember we are all here to lend you that shoulder.


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Huge hugs for you and the girls. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel on the best of days. I'm glad you are still posting. Please know we are always just a note away.

Yes, houses do become HUGE when it is up to us to deal with everything -- I understand that already.

It is unfair for the kids -- they worry so much about being left alone. I hope you can get some help from church, friends, and family to spread around some of the responsibilities.

Take care of yourself my friend, and do what you can, when you can. Baby steps...


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