First Time Visitor on this Forum

[tiredmom959]

I've been on this board for a while, but I guess I've somehow not visited this particular forum.

After reading alot of the posts, my heart is breaking for all of you. You're all so much stronger than me for what you've been through. I admire all of you. You've been through something I'm dreading. And to be perfectly honest, I'm also more terrified than ever.

It's been o.k. this last year being a caregiver, my mom is doing o.k. for now, scans in July. But she's going to be 76 ... I know there are miracles, so many of you are living proof of that. But being a realist, with the chance of her having a recurrence, my dad is going to be 83 ... I know I've never been so scared in my entire life.

I don't want to be without them, and I don't want my kids to be without them. All of you feel/felt the same way. But it's gonna happen. I'm even pretty sure one of them won't live long w/o the other.

My question to all of you is there anyway to prepare for the inevitable? Besides spending as much time as you can with them, is there anything you'd do differently or regret?

Again, my heart breaks for all of you. I wish there was something I could say that could help, but for a rare instance, I'm at a loss for words.

[Flowergirlie]

The one thing I regret not doing earlier is talking about feelings on death, which my hubby wanted to do and I sort of skirted until the last month because I didn't want to believe his death was inevitable. When we did start to discuss it though, we became even closer and had an amazing new depth to our connection that is indescribable. Say everything you need to say, kiss and hug and allow the peace of your blessing to go when they are ready, offering the reality that you will be alright and will always hold them close to your heart. There is nothing so painful as losing someone you love so much but it is true that we grow from our sufferings and are able to gently help others and give a new understanding of compassion to others from our experience.

I don't know if that helps...grief is hard and it is not taught to us in our society but it is natural to pass on from this life and I wish it wasn't viewed as so bad here.

Hugs...Flowergirlie

[Don Wood]

There is really no way to prepare for the "inevitable" -- it will still be a great loss. But you can take one day at a time with whatever time there is, and give support to your loved one and family. If you can, talk about what is on your heart and on theirs. Best to you. Don

[crystleshoe]

I also regret that we didnt talk about the whole death thing with my mom. We were trying to keep her spirits up an I think she was doing the same for us so no one ever talked about "it". I also regret that we didnt spend much time talking about her life, when she was a kid, before she had kids etc. We know some of the stories of her life but I am sure there are so many more.Because we always thought there would be time for all of that it was not a priority even after her dx other things got in the way. So my advice is to spend as much time as you can with them and talk,talk,talk.

[melindasue37]

I don't think any of us are stronger than you. You get the strength to carry you through when you need it.

I felt the same way you are feeling now when I realized that my Mom was taking a turn for the worse. I remember crying and thinking to myself.....I can't do this. I can't live without my Mom. But you do. You learn and you cope one day at a time. I do have regrets and things I wish I would have done differently but they are all in hindsight. I try to remind myself that I/we did the absolute best we could.

To be honest, each person is different so it would only scare you with things that my Mom went through.

I agree with everyone else here. Spend as much quality time with them as you possibly can talking!!!!

I heard from someone that you should find out their favorite song/songs. Play them and it will bring them back to that happy time. That might open up a discussion to things that you would love to know and they would love to share.