There can be no great loss without first a great love

[ErinC1973]

Carleen,

I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say that I don't care whether you can offer ME support right now; I am just glad to see you posting, sad to see that you are enduring such pain in your heart which seems to have no end.

I do so understand when you say that your pain is all you have left of Keith and you cherish it. I have told people this much when they try to tell me how THEY hurt to see me hurting, how my mom would not want me wallowing in grief all the time. If I didn't have my grief I'd feel even more lost than I do right now. I've accepted it as a part of me; it is the only thing that could possibly try to fill the hole that was blown in me when my mom died.

I was so hoping against hope while at the Chicago Bash that you would just appear at the restaurant even though we haven't heard from you. I can say with all my heart, that I never had the connection with the people on my old LC board when my dad was diagnosed in 1998 (except with FayA, who was there also) that I do with this entire board, and I am so glad I got the rare opportunity to sit down and talk with them face to face (and did a lot of crying, too ). We really do get it, Carleen, from the patients to the caregivers to the family members. And you know we will always be here, next week or next year, whenever you come back.

I am glad you have people around IRL who care so deeply for you. In looking back, when my dad died I stayed with my mom and slept in her bed for I don't even remember how long. I was so afraid of her being alone and her mind wandering, then the tears would start falling. Suddenly I realized that my mom NEEDED to be alone and grieve. And I didn't even honestly get it until after SHE died. People mean well, they really do, but sometimes they just don't know when they are doing more harm than good. And it's hard for us to tell them when they are when we don't know ourselves; one time what they say could be just what we needed to hear at that moment, and the next it can send us into fury and rage.

Just keep in mind that we are a group that knows you, that knew Keith through you, and we will not judge when your grief over him should be over or changing. Remember that we are here for you...always.

[Bev'sSister]

Carleen that was such a beautiful post. I am crying as I write this. I wish I could hug you. You have such a wonderful way with words. Perhaps that is a way for you to get through this pain. Write to us. Sometimes doing things to help others can be therapy and you can help so many just by the way you can get inside someone's heart with your words.

Looking forward to more posts in the future.

Love,

Bobby