How do you know when the end is coming?

[amieb]

I can't believe I am already asking this question. Dad was only diagnosed in Feb. And now I am sitting here wondering when the end is coming. I have never walked this path with anyone and wanted to know if anyone out there had advice about what ot expect.

I am enjoying my time with him. I spend all day and all night sitting next to him. He is weak, barely able to walk. He cant really control his bladder and I'm not sure if that's the meds or something more. He is a skeleton and doesn't want to eat anything. He is drinking less. I am taking every day as the gift it is. I sit by his bed all night watching and being there for him. When the sun rises and he is still breathing I say a prayer of thanks. I don't need to be told anymore to enjoy him. I feel like I need to be armed with info on what is going to come and what I need to be ready for.

I am really not ready to say goodbye. There are a few hours a day when my father shows his face away from the ugliness that is the cancer that is eating him alive. I want to believe I have another month with him. But I also want to be ready for if that is not the case. I want him to be comfortable. And I want him to be at peace.

Thank you for the help.

[shellit74]

Hi..

All I have to say is, if you feel like you need to say something, SAY IT NOW! I always knew that, and yet feel like i should of said more to Dad before he passed. Its one of my biggest regrets. I just didnt want to spend what "good time" we had at the end talking about sad stuff, i just wanted it to be happy. Its hard I know, and still too fresh for me (Dad just passed 2wks ago) to move on yet. You still have the time to do it. Way to many people dont take advantage of the precious time we have with our loved ones, and even when we do,is it ever enough?

Good Luck to you.. I will say a prayer for your Dad.

Shelli

[amieb]

Thank you Shelli. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you as well.

[peebygeeby]

Hi,

I'm so sorry this is happening, and so soon. It's hard to know what to say. My personal experience with losing my Dad to Cancer happened a couple of years ago. It was almost a surreal experience. He was my best friend and the greatest love of my life. I knew it was coming, and although I could'nt imagine letting him go, I think what I wanted more than anything was for him just not to be suffering with a quality of life that was no longer livable for him. When the time came, I was surprised at my reaction. I went into autopilot mode.

I functioned, and did what I had to do. I never imagined that would be the case. When I thought about what my reaction to his death would be, I thought I would just fall apart.

I did'nt, I don't think you will either. Our minds have a funny way of sort of numbing down a bit in times like that. It's self protection, and it's a good thing.

I miss my Dad every day, I always will. But, it's a funny thing, even though he's not here in a physical sense, it's like he never left. It's so hard to explain. I wish you as easy a time as can be had with this, it's going to be alright.

All the best,

Gail

[shellit74]

Just to touch on what Gail said... I know exactly what you are saying. It is totaly how I reacted. I cried really hard immediately, but for only a few minutes, then it was just like you said, Auto pilot. Things needed to get done, people needed to be called and all that. Its been a little over two weeks and the numbness is still there, I do have my moments though. It is surprising how strong a person you can be when you have to!

Hang in there... try to remember the good times! At least thats what helped me. Even though he couldnt talk back to us we sat around that last day telling stories.

Shelli