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What about birthdays?


Lee and Chi

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Every time a "first day" rolls around without Mom, I don't know what to expect. There are days on the calendar that I know will be hard. This past Mother's Day almost ran me into the ground and I know Thanksgiving and Christmas this year are going to be rough. I keep hoping to be kidnapped by aliens as that sounds better than not having Mom there during the holidays.

Then there are the days that sneak up out of nowhere, like the day my Mother was diagnosed. I wanted to be throwing a "You made it 1 year" party, but I wasn't. I was alone. I think one reason it was so hard is that I wasn't expecting it to be hard. I even tried really hard to ignore it, but that didn't help any.

The next "first day" without Mom is going to be her birthday. It's not until October, but I have no idea what to do and I'm already dreading it. I wanted to know what other people did that helped to get through. I'm at a loss on this one. I want a nice way to remember her that's mostly private.

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I spent the day half in bed and half at the cemetary. (It was just two weeks after she had died) but also with my dad I remember doing the same things.....I also put tons of flowers at the cemetary and released balloons on their birthdays. On my mom's birthday, after the cemetary I go to a restuarant that we used to go together (i go alone) and I have lunch by myself and just think about her.

Even though I have kids and a husband, I've always done those things alone. It's my time to reflect and I want to do it without everyones eyes on me.

For the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom:

Thanksgiving- I spent cooking all the things she used to cook. It was cathartic in a way...I was busy and had little time to think until everything was done...but then my house was empty except for the four of us and in the past my mother's house was always jam packed full of people- so it was a really tough day. I felt alot of loss that day.

Christmas- I spent focused on my kids and wished really hard for the day to be over quickly.

I'm sure in time it will change and evolve- but for now, this is what I do. This is how it is.

(((hugs)))

I hope your mom's birthday passed gently for you and you will be able to be comforted by the warm memories you have of her.

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On John's birthday we all went to John's favorite place and had lunch. He loved to go to this small place in town that has the best coney islands. So we all went and the kids ate coneys and toasted his birthday.

For those of you that don't know what a coney island is, it is a hot dog with a meat sauce on top.

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My mother's birthday is Oct 2, I have had one without her, and it stunk. But I did what she and I loved to do, which was garden.

I wish she were here to do it with me, but that is something that makes me feel closer and connected to her.

If there was something your mom loved that you love to do too. Maybe do that. Yes, it won't be the same without her. But maybe it'll draw you just a bit more connected.

Thanksgiving almost exactly the same as Katie. Hard the first year, actually a little harder the second.

Christmas, the first Christmas, I did it because Mom would have killed me if I didn't :) and it was hard. THis year was easier, but I still missed her intensely.

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Thanks for the ideas. All I could come up with was "move to Mars" but I don't see that working out.

It didn't occur to me until I posted here that her birthday will be a Sunday, and I can dedicate the flowers at Church to her. I can have the biggest pinkest flowers ever. That's also where her ashes are, at the church. Flowers and some pancakes for breakfast. I can do that.

I don't think moving to Mars is an option for holidays either. One step at a time. :)

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