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Caregiving Duties and Family


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It's funny that I just started going to the Caregiver Forum, as I usually just always go to the regular NSCLC forum. :oops:

Even though it is my Mom that is sick, when it comes to anything regarding her health, I am the go to gal. Sometimes even she forgets things and she'll say, Oh Yeah, I forgot about that. LOL I guess I like to be prepared for anything, it makes me feel a little better since most of it we have absolutely no control over. Believe me, that has come in mighty handy the last 12 months. :lol:

This past year, it has been my father and I for the day-to-day things and that is OK. I stopped working because I was working 12 hour days and that was fine when she was doing well, but when things got bad, there really wasn't any other choice for me.

I talked to my husband and told him that I would never forgive myself if I didn't get her better, or at least do everything in my power to help her. My dad was trying to take care of everything but we could see he was overwhelmed. I guess it just felt too important to get wrong. There would be no second chances at this. So from December-August I stayed at my parents house during the week and went home to my husband on the weekend. To say I have an amazing and supportive husband would be an understatement. LOL Financially, it's been difficult. Now that Mom is feeling good, I am actively looking for a new job. I'm finding it more difficult than I thought it would be.

Now, both of my brothers love my Mom just as much as I do, but they both work and have families. They are just as worried as I am and are there whenever we need them. I read this article in my over 150 hours of research. It talked about Caregiving and how everyone in the family plays a part and serves a purpose. And even though some parts are more active than others, they are all important. It really helped me keep things in perspective.

It makes me feel good to be able to help my parents, especially when they've both always been there for us 200%. In the beginning, I would get a little annoyed that my brothers didn't help more, but then I realized they do help. One brother comes with his family every Friday for pizza and seeing her 2 yr old grandson and 1 yr old granddaughter totally makes my Mom's day. And his wife Angie is so amazing, she'll make us dinner and bring it over once a week and make sure Mom sees the kids at least twice a week. Their antics always crack us up. My other brother checks in all the time and he goes to the Doctor appts that I can't go to. He and the family come over a lot to spend time with Mom also. He's also the one I cry to when I get overwhelmed or just need to talk. And my Dad is just phenomenal, always making us laugh and doing the food shopping, cooking, driving us to all the appts and about a million other things. Since this whole thing started a year ago, it's the first time in my whole life he has cried. He just adores her, even after 41 years of marriage

So if you are the go to guy/gal, remember that everyone plays a part and ask for help, most likely you'll get it. And if you are one of the other family members, remember what you do is important as well and cut yourself a break if you cannot be there all the time. It's not just the quantity of time you spend with a loved one, it's the quality of time.

When they say it takes a village to raise a child, it seems like it also takes a village to fight Lung Cancer. I cannot wait until we finally find a cure.

Kerri :D

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WONDERFUL post. I hope others in our shoes will read it and gain some perspective as well.

I was the go-to girl and basically became caregiver to both my parents on the medical and finanacial fronts. I also have 3 siblings who live here in this state and 3 others who lived out of state and I can't tell you how frustrated I would get at them for "not helping". I supposed they did help, to whatever they were capable of, and that had to be enough. I learned then that I would do everything i could- so there would be no regrets ever, and many many memories in between.

Keep doing what you are doing- sounds like you are one heckofa daughter and you've got a great family beside you as well.

Wishing all of you the best!

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I sent you a PM but thought others may want or need this link!!

http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/ltc/home/

This is a a site that can help a group of people schedule adncarry out assorted tasks in a tema fashion. It organizes and keeps track of everones job and when it has to be done by giving resposibility to the resst of the team!!!!!

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I can't tell you how close to home your post hit. I am the only daughter and my mom has cancer. I also have two brothers who I have such frustration with. I am the "go to" person and I wouldn't want it any other way but sometimes it is alot to handle. Your post really helped me see a different perspective. Thank you. SOmetimes we need a reminder to open our eyes a little wider.

You are an inspiration, thank you!

Dana

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It's lovely to see how you all do your part, whether it be small or large, it all helps!

We actually live with my dad and while I'm his Primary Caregiver and I have no other siblings, I have a wonderful husband who is on hand to take my dad for his blood tests and cook meals when I feel too worn to do it. That might not seem a lot, but to me it's the small things that make the huge differences. My parents separated many years ago and live quite a way away from each other. My dad has requested that I don't tell my mum. I'm not sure why he doesn't want her to know and obviously it makes it hard for me when talking with her, not to mention any of this, but I have to respect his wishes.

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