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Heartache and happiness


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My daughter and her boyfriend bought a house :) They borrowed my (Rod's) pickup to move so last Sunday I drove their car back to trade vehicles. We had such a nice afternoon and the house is beautiful. On the way home (1 1/4 hr. drive) my insides ached that Rod is missing another milestone. He would be so glad they are homeowners now.

The past month has been quite good considering that in 3 weeks is the 2nd anniversary of Rod's death. I was filling in at the front desk of a dental office for 2 days and so far I've been there a month. The receptionist had emergency surgery in a small town on her vacation. She is doing well and coming back part-time. I love working there and wish I could stay there part-time. I also started a long-term temp job this week at a cheer-dance school. I am putting the students info into the computer. It's a good job, too.

Then last week, my beloved father-in-law had to be moved into a nursing home. My daughter and I will visit Sat., his 86th birthday. Please pray he will be content there.

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Oh yes Barbb there is nothing like work to keep our minds and spirits up. The aniversaries and the times that Rod should have been there to share with you are always hard. I don't think time will make that much difference in those things.

As for the job, isn't it nice to feel youre doing something useful? We spend so much of ourselves and every minute night and day caring for our loved one and then when they are gone we have no sense of direction. Work can give that direction. It sounds to me like you are takin on a lot of work to not only keep from being so lost all of the time but to feel useful as well. I am sure too that making a living is important, not just finacially but the need to feel that you can do it on your own.

You know I was married for 41 years. Not long after my marriage ended I was with Johnny after so many years apart. Still dispite all of that there is a part of me that grieves for my ex as well. You can't be with someone that long and not have a part of you that misses them especially when you have children.

I am saying this because when I see my two great grand babies I think of how wrong it is that Denis didn't live to see them. He died February 23 2006 our first great grand baby was born in December of that year. I sat there in the hospital and all I could think of was that Denis should have been there. He was missing something so very special.

Today my granddaughter posted a picture of her and Denis on her Facebook page. They were dancing at her wedding. She is so lucky to have that special picture and special memory. Her wdding was December 23, 2005 just 2 short months before his death.

So yes I do understand both the feelings of accomplishment and those feelings of things that Rod is always missing. All I can say is that you need to take all of the joy you can out of any occasion and that way Rod is enjoying it too because as you know he left so much of himself behind in you.

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