Barbb

(((Sue))) Thank you, I know you guys here understand. People who are divorced seem to think they know how it is and what the time line should be but they sure don't. I will never apologize for my grief, nor will I feel bad when someone says something stupid. I will, however, be angry for a few minutes ! Barbb

That's the perfect response, Randy.

My friends don't talk about Rod anymore, the couple-friends we had have deserted me, which is actually ok and most of my friends now never met Rod. You are right about walking 2 miles in our shoes, not 1. If the man says anything like that again, I will have to kindly tell him STOP IT.

Last night at the Wed. night kids dinner that I helped serve, a man who has been through hell with health problems told me, and I paraphrase, to not sit home feeling bad, that time is over. (Well, I don't do that very often) While I respect how much he still does and what a good guy he is, Don't Tell Me When My Grieving Time Is Over. Besides Rod only being gone 4 years, besides my kids not living close enough to run and see when I want to, besides my mom has been gone for 16 years and I still need her, besides living in the country away from lots of people, I have clinical depression that if I don't med at the right time, I spiral down for a day or two. Don't Tell Me How To Feel. Randy, does anyone do that to you? Barbb

Thanks everyone, I will pass on your kind thoughts Eric, the pictures are on Facebook, you are my FB friend so check them out when you have time!!! Barbb

Our daughter married a wonderful man last night. I had posted how emotional it would be when our son walked her down the aisle instead of her dad, but it was truly beautiful. Rod was there. She had a picture and candle on a table at the front to honor him and the pastor mentioned him. He is so happy for them, I just know. Barbb

Judy, I think you are right when you say it will make it all good.

Katie, thank you so much!!!! There are pictures of the surprise proposal on my FB. Zack was generous to include her two best friends, his brother and family and me in the surprise It was WONDERFUL Barb

Thanks, Eric, for the good wishes for the kids. That month won't be so hard to live through any more with new memories to fill it Barbb

You guys make a lot of sense, thanks I'll just take a box of Puff's. I like the idea of the pastor saying something about who is giving this bride. Barbb

I am so happy to tell you my daughter is engaged! They will marry in November and I am worried about breaking down when her brother walks her down the aisle. Maybe it will happen at the rehearsal so I can keep my dignity during the wedding but I ask for your prayers even this far in advance. She is asking the pastor who officiated at Rod's memorial service to do their ceremony because she feels a "tie" with him. I think that is so special. Her best friend wants to honor Rod in someway during the ceremony with a special flower in her bridal bouquet or a special decoration on the chair he would have sat in. I think Michelle is the most thoughtful young lady considering she brought it up Saturday as we celebrated the engagement. Rod met Zack shortly before he died, he really liked him and would be so happy to see how Lacy has changed by loving Zack. We always said it would take someone special... Barbb

Katie, it would be so fun to "laugh til we pee", but I have laughed til I cried and boy does that feel good!

Jean, don't change anything until you know you are ready. My friend came over a month ago and we went through Rod's stuff in the basement. It was so much easier to do it together, if there was something I didn't want to keep, I had her throw it away, the stuff we kept for my son, she put away neatly in the barn. What a blessing she is. Randy, I hope you find a woman a good as Deb to share your life. Barb

If you want to email my "address" is barbb06@gmail.com

Jean, I'm so sorry you are feeling so lost. I saw your post on Facebook and had to come here. I lost my husband 3 years ago. It took 2 1/2 years until I could say I'm glad I'm still alive. If you want the truth, I don't know how life can ever be good again and that's why I quit coming here. I have absolutely no words of encouragement. He suffered so much the last year of life and didn't know he was sick. I see his pictures in the house and my stomach clenches. I think about selling the acreage and moving to town, it's so much to take care of and I don't even work. I'm in my middle 50's and don't believe I could get a job because my "widow's brain" does NOT work like it used to. All I care about is my dog, my fabulous children and their fiance's and my few wonderful friends, and that is why I am still alive. I wish I had good words for you and for me. Prayers for us both. Barbb

Nova, I too was surprised to see Harry's face today. I don't come here too often, it is so hard to see the suffering I've also endured. My husband died in Nov. of 2007. Those first 2 1/2 years were the worst Hell I ever plan to endure. I couldn't think, words evaded me when I was talking to people, I felt like I had dementia. Making a decision was agony, even about simple things. Then something changed this spring. It was time to work outside, my neighbor who moved in the month Rod died, has become a good friend (she's divorced, my age) and we were both on a healing path this spring. The 3 months leading up to "our" anniversary this year have thrown me into anxiety attacks, but it's a lot better than past autumns. Your healing will be on a different timetable than any other widow's, but I am sure you will slowly find yourself feeling more in control of things and your life will have more meaning as time passes. My best wishes go out to you. I understand how hard this is. Barbb

It had gotten really, really painful to come here and read about all the suffering, but uplifting to read about the survivors. Sadly, the suffering got to be to much so I had to take a break. My heart goes out to all who have lost a loved one since I've been "gone", it is shocking to hear how many have gone to our Lord. This winter was so awful, as almost all of us experienced more snow, blizzard weather and being so trapped indoors. My son and his girlfriend couldn't come to Nebraska for Christmas because of the blizzard and I couldn't go to Omaha to my daughter's house so I had my gall bladder out on Christmas Eve morning:) At least I didn't have to spend Christmas Eve night alone. My wonderful neighbor picked me up the next day in another blizzard and brought me home, we live 20 miles from the surgery center. After the horrible winter, I've tried to make a decision whether to sell my acreage and move to Omaha or Phoenix, I hate to make the wrong decision so I'm staying for a few more years. Happily I am cutting my anti depressant meds down by 1/3 and feeling ok. Also, and better yet, the manic feeling that I have to do certain things around the "place" as Rod called our acreage, is gone. I do what needs done without the panic. When I go in the barn to look for some tool, or a nail or whatever,it hurts so much to go through his stuff, but going out to feed the cats or get logs for the woodstove is ok. Life is so strange, my mind is so strange. Sorry for the long tale, I just want the newly bereaved to know, that a breath, a step, a decision is made and it gets easier to do that as the months pass. My heart and thanks goes out to all of you who have been here for me and who are here now for support and love. Barbb

I made an oops

Ann I'm glad you posted this. I am the only person other than my kids who says Rod's name, or Dad. I just don't understand how people think bringing it up will hurt me or be a problem. They can't really think I have forgotten he died can they? That if they say something I will suddenly remember and feel sad? Even his own parent's don't say his name or talk about him. Well, Dad has dementia but Mom doesn't. Now that is weird. Oh well Rod Rod Rod Rod Barbb

Lily, your posts are always so full of love and we can feel how much you care. Even when I don't respond, I want you to know how much they help me. You are such a blessing on this board. please don't stop. Barbb

I loved that one

I would just hate to have my kids be told, "Your mom was killed by stampeding pigs". I wonder if they would have a laughing fit???

My daughter and her boyfriend bought a house They borrowed my (Rod's) pickup to move so last Sunday I drove their car back to trade vehicles. We had such a nice afternoon and the house is beautiful. On the way home (1 1/4 hr. drive) my insides ached that Rod is missing another milestone. He would be so glad they are homeowners now. The past month has been quite good considering that in 3 weeks is the 2nd anniversary of Rod's death. I was filling in at the front desk of a dental office for 2 days and so far I've been there a month. The receptionist had emergency surgery in a small town on her vacation. She is doing well and coming back part-time. I love working there and wish I could stay there part-time. I also started a long-term temp job this week at a cheer-dance school. I am putting the students info into the computer. It's a good job, too. Then last week, my beloved father-in-law had to be moved into a nursing home. My daughter and I will visit Sat., his 86th birthday. Please pray he will be content there.

Thank you Nick for sharing with us. I love to hear how others are touched by our loved ones who have passed, and show us that where they are is wonderful. Barbb

Michelle, when I saw your post tonight, it just took my breath away. I can't even tell you how sad I am for you. May God be with you, we will be with you, too. Barbb