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Just Updating...

Deborah VF

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Hey Everyone, Just touching base to say Hi,, and report that I have made some progress in finding a few places to take self-pay to get my biopsy done. Although I dont have a set appt yet, I think it is in the works.

I have been running in frantic mode since moment i was told. And everything has a level of urgency. I think these tests should be done "yesterday", and, I'm not understanding why all these places I call are not thinking the same. I am running on URGENT and the rest of the world is acting normal and still moving at the same pace it was the day before I got the report.

LOL, I just dont get how they can remain so calm :).

But seriously I am worried about the time factor for several reasons.

*The pain. It gets worse everyday.. and I know that it will probably continue to get worse till I get whatever this is out my body. And I dont see that anywhere in sight today. So I am scared it will get to the point that I cant bare it.

*Fear that the increased pain, is an indication that it is growing, and I'm afraid that "more time" might mean "less options" for treatment.

In the meantime, I have learned a few things this last week and a half..

*I need to keep calm. Because, I definately see the corelation of my stress level to my pain level.

*I have learned more about paying attention to my body this last week than I ever have in my life, and

*I need to address the pain hikes very quickly and aggressively.

The pain has become constant, there is never a moment when it is completely gone. Although, I am having a wonderful day today, is the best day i have had in weeks. I am trying to just enjoy and appreciate it rather than fear how long it is going to last.

As for the smoking I have continued to progress in that and am all set for Monday my full-stop day.. Doc started me on wellbutrin and I have the patches and hard candy and all the things I am going to need. Although still scared, I am mentally and emotionally ready.

My goal this week is to do some moderate walking & stretching everyday regardless of the pain level. To sleep when I can.. To eat something even when I dont want to.. and definately practice some stress management as I continue searching for services and begin living this deal smoke free...

PHEWWW... Prayers Please... and Thanks for letting me rant..

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I know what you mean about being in urgent mode while the rest of the world doesn't seem to be. My suspicious chest x-ray happened in late October, 2007, but it was early December before I completed everything I needed to be ready for my surgery, and they were finally supposed to schedule it. But, when December 16th rolled around and I still hadn't heard anything, I called, they transferred me to the woman who did the scheduling, and she said, "Will the 20th work for you?" So, four days later I had surgery. Sometimes you have to just keep bugging them to get anything done.

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