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Guest NikiP

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Guest NikiP

hey my name is niki. my aunt is katieb and her dad who is my grandpa has cancer. i still dont know very much about the whole cancer thing, but i guess here is as good a place as any to start learning. when i first heard that my grandpa had cancer, it didnt seem real. i mean usually you see it in the movies and so your heart really isnt sympathetic because its just for pretend. but this is for real, and before i dont think that quite dawned on me. but as my aunt katie kept sending updates on grandpa's health and well-being, it slowly sank in. wow, my grandpa has cancer and he might die soon. what if there are things on his wish list that he'd like to check off before he goes, ya know? it's the hardest on me. im scared of death, so it makes me cry that someone else has to worry about that everyday.i'm scared for him to have to carry that burden on his shoulders. and i apologize if i may word things off, but i dont know how to put this in a more subtle way. um...when i see the pic of aunt katie with grandpa in the wheelchair, it makes me shed tears. but what confuses me is why do i have these tears? i was never really close to my grandpa and now i wish i was. and i only been to texas so few a time, ya know. not often enough to develop some kind of relatioship. and he uses to always drink and smoke and watch football so i guess thats what used to keep me away. he seemed so into doing that, i never really thought to bother him. so why do i feel like i do? its confusing. i dont like to think about the prospect of death, whether its me or anyone else at that. death in general makes scared and it makes me cry, like i am doing right now. :(

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Niki,

Your grandpa is a real person with real feelings and alot of life left to share. I didn't really know him either. He was always so busy working and doing his own thing and never open or sharing with the rest of us. There were six of us growing up in that house and I know he was tired all the time just trying to put food on the table and pay the bills and not have life fall in on our heads.

When he finally retired, WE were the ones who were too busy to get to know him. Busy with school, work, family, and just living our independant lives to be bothered with him....I mean, he'll always be there right? Wrong. All of us are terminal and we will all be gone one day.

The only thing good about this horrible disease is that we have gotten to know him. He is a great man. I always new I loved him just because he was my dad. Now I really like him for being a good man. He's funny and kind and smart and caring and tells great stories of his past....go figure :roll: Who knew there was such a great guy underneath all the layers of a hard life.?

Anyway, what you're feeling is normal. I cried alot when I use to wonder what was going on in his head..what he may be thinking about having this disease and the possibility of death...

But we are concentrating totally on the possibility of LIFE. Celebrating each day we have together, going places everyday that he feels well enough, taking tons of pictures and talking and getting to know each other.

We could have him for 2 more days, 2 weeks, 2 years or 20 years...but each day we have together is going to count. It's not too late to take the time to get to know your grandpa, he's a good guy.

You're in L.A. so I know it's hard for you to get to know him, but write or call if you want, he would really like that so much. And if you feel like you want to do something, get active in your community on L/C issues, events and awareness.

Glad you finally came here. This place has saved my sanity thru all of this. These people are wonderful!

Love, Aunt Katie

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Niki, welcome to the message board. It is not too late, as Katie said, to get to know your grandfather better. I bet he would like that a lot. Write, call, E-mail. Ask him questions about his life that you are curious about. Ask him what you can do for him. Remember some times together even if they are vague. Blessings. Don

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Guest DaveG

Niki:

You don't know me, but I have become very good friends with your Aunt Katie and Uncle Rick. As you see in my signature I have lung cancer just like your grandpa. You may also notice that I have had a recent major set back and one week from today I will be starting chemo.

Without all these wonderful people, almost 300 strong now, here at Lung cancer Survivors for Change, I don't know what my life with lung cancer would be like. Everyone here, absolutely, lives on the word: POSITIVE.

Your Aunt Katie is very special to me. We have shared our phone numbers and we call each other periodically. Katies is one very loving and caring person. She loves and cares for your Grandpa very much.

Lung Cancer is a scary disease and nothing is wrong if you have cried about your grandpa having lung cancer. I have cried about having lung cancer myself and I have cried about most of the members of this board as well. We are family here. We care for, and love each other very, very much here.

Please make your self at home here and don't be afraid to come here often. You will get to know many of us quite well.

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Hello Niki and Welcome,

I'm so sorry to hear that your Grandfather had LungCancer. It really is a difficult thing that makes you revaluate the relationships that you have with your loved ones, and the relationship never seems to be adequate! Even when you are extemely close with a loved one like I am with my Mom, I still think "have I said the right things? Have I been a good daughter?" I want more of a relationship and it is hard... I live very far away from my parents at this time..at that makes it worse. I'm glad that you have come here and I hope that you will find the comfort that I have had. The people here are so nice and supportive.

Many blessings to you Niki.

Laurie

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