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My father's passing


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I posted a few months ago under "Introduce Yourself" as I was beginning to navigate how to come to terms with my father's diagnosis... an initial diagnosis of lung cancer which then turned out to be a rare and aggressive sarcoma in his chest wall/lung.

Now, five months later, my father is gone. They removed his tumor (a 15 cm monster) and he stayed in the hospital for 2 months after that, trying to recover. He fought hard at first but he was very weak and thin to begin with... towards the end he would just stare at the ceiling, and after 7 visits/scares to the ICU my father decided to let go. And he left us behind, in pain and agony with so many unanswered questions. I am not sure if I can go on especially that I can't believe he is gone. A part of me wishes he had taken us all with him so we wouldn't have to suffer. I am sure he is happy, smiling, pain free, cancer free, hospital bed free. I am sure he can now walk (he was unable to move much after his surgery because of how weak he had gotten).

I apologize for my awful grammar... my hands cannot type properly. The void inside of me is spreading to every limb and artery but I am putting on a brave face for my mother. My dad's case was a complicated one, and the doctors did everything they could to save him (he was also sent to one of the best hospitals in Turkey for his surgery). Alas he didn't want to go on... but we must somehow. I just don't know how.

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I'm so so sorry to hear about your father.  this is one terrible disease and while there are many survivors not all of us do survive.  I'm sorry to hear how the end came.  We all hope for a quiet end, but that is not always possible.  Losing a parent is always such a hard thing.  It is someone we knew and loved all of our lives so the loss is that much more than other relatives. My own father passed away from cancer in 1989 and his last days were terrible as well.  It will take time to get over the bad memories, but in time you can savor the good moments and memories rather than the terrible time of the loss.   I pray for you and your family to have peace.  


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