The priest

[J.C.]

A new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, ''When I am worried about getting nervous

on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass''.

So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took the drink.

He proceeded to talk a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note

on the door:

1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not contipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *ss.

6) We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.

7) The father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred as Daddy,

Junior and the Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shi_ out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't

say he was stoned off his *ss.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the ''Big T.''

11) The Virgin Mary is not called, ''Mary with the Cherry.''

J.C.

[Snowflake]

There's a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, NOT a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's...

We do not refer to our saviour, Jesus Christ, and His disciples as "JC and the boys"...