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Eileen

petrified

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I hesitate to write this as I was vey lucky, my lung cancer was caught at 1A ---I do not mean to whine but I have a cat scan tomorrow and I am petrified that my cancer is back---I know that many people here would give anything to be at stage 1A so I feel funny writing about my fears

I had a lobectomy June of 2000---however, my scans are never clean and always show activity which all changes with the next scan---I had a pet and a cat the same day--both showed something differnt---I suspect sarcoidosis (inflammatory tissue) as the surgeon found some when he operated ---last Novemebr I had enlarged lymph nodes by my operation--the surgeon did a mediantiscopy (sp?) and a brochioscope---and biopsied the nodes --- all negative

but lately I have not been feeling so hot--(imagination?) and really feel that the cancer is back---

I know that I am one scan away from being stage 4---I do not think this feeling will ever go away----

guess I am looking for some moral support from my cyber-family and someone to tell me my scan will be fine!

regards

Ms. Doom and Gloom

aka Eileen

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Eileen,

Don't say "I do not mean to whine..." YOU are a cancer SURVIVOR, whether 1A, or stage IV, the fear is the same and it is REAL. I don't know personnally how you feel, but I know I would not worry any less if my dad was a limited stage as opposed to his extensive sclc.

You're right, you are lucky to have caught it so soon, and you can continue to be lucky again! You don't know yet what those scans are going to say. The mind can play terrible tricks. Try to be positive until you know what the next step is...could be all the stress of worrying about the cancer coming back is what is actually making you sick!! I will pray that is so and continue to keep you in our prayers for good test results!

(((HUGS)))

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Thank you for your kind words Katie

(I actually meant to post this under general)

You are such a great supporter on this web-site and a really great daughter--

and to go to school through out all of what you are going through---your parents must be terrific to have raised such a great daughter

regards eileen

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Eileen-

What you have is a legitimate concern, not whining. Even Stage Ia is still cancer, and very serious.

I know exactly what you mean about your fears. I have my scan on 6/5 and see the onc on 6/19. I, too, am scared, but I know that nothing happens by coincidence. If my cancer returns, that's what I need to experience at this particular time in my life. My biggest fear is that my three kids 9,7, & 6 will grow up without me, but i also know that if that happens, God must already have made plans. He must now something I don't to allow that to happen.

In the meantime, I decided that i refuse to live from scan to scan. We're leaving for Spain on 6/26 whether the scan is clean or not. We're making plans for remortgaging, next year's vacation, all of the things 'normal' people do.

Remember that we attract that which we fear. hard as it may be, use your inner healing to calm your fears and cleanse your body and soul. Don't picture your body wracked with cancer- picture it clean and healthy.

Feel free to email me offlist if you would like some links which have helped me.

Regards,

Rocco

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Dearest Eileen,

Bless your heart for articulating exactly how uneasy I start feeling a couple of weeks after a "stable" scan, with the anxiety continuing to build until I hear "OK" news again. I then allow myself to celebrate for a couple of weeks and the cycle starts all over again. I, too, feel sheepish about confessing my worries, because there are so many others evidencing greater needs and showing such strength and courage. I tell myself over and over that it does no good to worry, but those insidious doubts creep in.

At those times I remind myself to stay in the moment, find something beautiful around me, give thanks for my husband, etc., etc.

My point is that your feelings are normal, and I admire you for sharing them with us, and on this board sharing your feelings is not considered "whining". I wish I could guarantee that your scan tomorrow will be perfect, but I can only say I will be praying mightily for you that it may be so.

Sending hugs, prayers, and positive vibes your way.

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Guest DaveG

Eileen:

As you know I was a Stage IA for over 18 months, until April, when I had mets to my lymphatic system. I was worried everythime I had a follow up, new schans, or whatever. The funny thing was, I wasn't worried when i had the CT Scan on April 2, when my mets was first discovered.

It is natural to worry about tests, as I was this past Tuesday, when I saw my oncologist for the first time since i started Chemo on May 5. The news was good, as the tumors in my neck has shrunk, which is a good sign, espeically after the first round of chemo. I get chemo every 3 weeks for a period of 18 weeks, for a total of 6 cycles. The reason for the 3 weeks schedule is because I am getting the maximum allowable dose with each session, and the doctor wants me to have some quality time in between.

I know you have been with the group almost since the revamp. Your words of kindness, compassion, love, and support have been most encouraging. I remember quite well how I was with the support as a Stage IA, but now the role has been reversed (slightly), as I am the one now needing the support. You, as s Tage I are the standard bearer for the rest of us, as you have most energy, and best outlook on lung cancer (not to say that I also have a great outlook as well). IA's are the one's who have the best chances for survivorship, therefore you are in the best position to speak for us on the other side of the spectrum.

Keep up your good work, and keep up your spirits, as the spiritual side of lung cancer is SO IMPORTANT, to our well being. :):):)8)8)8)

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