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Jokes from Dave Grant

David A

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Subject: JOKES

A K-State student was stopped by a game warden at Tuttle Creek Lake recently. The student had two ice chests full of fish. The game warden, a KU grad, asked him, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"No, sir, I don't have a license. These are my pet fish," replied the Wildcat. "Every night I take my fish out to Tuttle Creek and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take them home."

The warden said, "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The K-Stater looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you, it really works."

"OK, I've GOT to see this!" responded the warden.

The K-Stater poured the fish into Tuttle Creek and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!" yelled the game warden.

"What fish?"


A K-State ag student in town for the last game in Lawrence got pulled over by a campus cop for speeding. The officer proceeded to lecture the student about his speed and to throw his weight around to try to make the out-of-area student uncomfortable.

Finally, the officer got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The student asked, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

The cop stopped writing the ticket and replied, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."

The K-Stater says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The cop grunts, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey ... wait a minute, are you calling me a horse's *ss?"

The student says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's *ss."

The cop says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the student says, "Hard to fool them flies though."


Once upon a time the only cow in the Junction City dairy stopped giving milk, so they bought a cow from Lincoln.

They brought it from Lincoln, and it was wonderful. It produced so much milk that they got a bull to mate with it to produce more just like it.

They put the bull in the pasture with their cow, but the cow backed away. Whenever the bull came close, the cow would move away again. The Junction City people were very upset and took their problem to the dean of the K-State veterinary school:

"When the bull approaches, the cow moves away. If he comes from the back, she moves forward. If he comes from the front, she backs off. If he comes from the side, she goes to the other side."

The dean thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Lincoln?"

The K-State people were amazed, since they hadn't mentioned where they got the cow.

"You are truly a wise vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Lincoln?"

With a distant look in his eye, the dean replied, "My wife is from Lincoln."


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