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half a year


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Tomorrow is six months, but today is day 183, so I am just having half-year gloominess for a couple of days, I guess.

I hurt like hell, but at the same time, I never would have imagined that Katie and I are funtioning as well as we are. Not as well as we would be with Becky, but as well as could be expected.

I saw a friend for the first time in a while last week, and his wife has lung cancer. Was diagnosed over two years ago now, not expected to live but a few months, and just doing poorly. The cancer has spread to her brain, and she has gone through various treatments. Everything is relatively stable now, but she has been bed-ridden for almost a year now because she is just so weakened by the treatments.

I would love to have Becky with me whatever her state would be, but at the same time I know she never would have wanted to live like that. Katie never saw her incapacitated. Unable to do some things, sure. Becky couldn't chase her around the house or lift her into her bunk bed the last several months.

I got to take over maintenance of the day to day stuff under her guidance. I didn't start doing all the grocery shopping because I was preparing for Becky to die, but because it was just so much easier for me to do things than for her. She had more important things to do with her energy than pay bills and vacuum. But that also meant that I had been doing some of those things before she died, which made the adjustment a little bit easier.

I do not understand how or why any of this happened. But at least I do see the blessings that surrounded this horrible thing. It could have been so much worse.

Thanks for listening.


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I started off the day by getting my head examined. After the battle with trying to keep up studying a few weeks ago, I decided that it wouldn't hurt to get some counseling. So my session was bright and early this morning. And it was a good session, I think. Nothing earth-shattering took place. I cried a lot, but there is nothing new about that. She didn't have anything particularly profound to say, but then after hearing from Snowflake regularly, that is a pretty high bar.

I am sitting in on a management course that is doing a major project at my church. I am really excited about it. So today the class was meeting downtown at the church, and my therapy session was downtown, probably a 30 minute drive from either home or campus, so I just decided I would take my books over to the church and study for a few hours.

Our church is in the heart of downtown San Antonio, and it does a lot of ministering to the homeless. So we have a soup kitchen, and showers, assistance with filling out employment applications, ID recovery, social security benefits, and so on. On Sunday mornings, several doctors come and see patients free of charge, and there is an eye doctor and a dentist too. It is really awesome. So anyway, I have started conversations about starting a financial advising table in the middle of this. Basically, just head down into the cafe where breakfast is being served and talk financial matters with people that need to hear it. Sounds more useful than Sunday school, doesn't it?

So I was sitting in the church this morning, trying to read my accounting for tomorrow's seminar, and basically get pulled into a meeting. One of the homeless guys that spends a lot of time in the day center just received an inheritance of $10,000. The mailbox is there at the church, and he immediately flashes this check to all of his buddies, all homeless themselves. Which to me doesn't seem too bright, but that ship's done sailed, as they say. So the pastor and a couple of employees from the day center and I sit down with this guy for an hour and try to help him have a plan to make this money really change his life. And I think we did some good. It was a great way to end the morning. Got the money into a savings account and off of his person; got him to agree that six months or a year of prepaid rent was a good idea. And so on.

Then the class was really cool. We toured throughout the church looking at all the ministries. We spent a long time talking to the pastors about how the things developed and where they are headed. The church has been in trouble with the local businesses and such because of its ministries attracting so many homeless people. It has caused some ancillary problems. So this project seems really cool. We have to stay within the mission of the church. We have to help the church do a better job of communicating with the community. We have to help them safeguard their employees and property but without diminishing the respect and dignity of the people using the services.

But the bad news came from Alisa today. Her husband is filing for divorce. That is not shocking, I guess, they have been separated for over four years. I don't know what has changed that caused this point in time to be different than up until now. I didn't talk to her again after she was heading over to talk to them. But it was hard on her. She is in such a vulnerable place because she has quit teaching to support the children's education. And her insurance and the kids are provided under his employer's plan. So almost assuredly she will have to find another source of insurance. And if he decides to make custody a battle, it could be very scary. She is so dependent that it would be tough to incur a large legal bill, and so on and so on. Not to mention that this is just the final tolling on a marriage, and that must always be hard. So I am sad for her. And I am sad I haven't had a chance to talk to her since they talked. I will likely stop by there in the morning and just sit and listen for a while. Not much I can do, but I can do that.

So that was my day. Pretty good, but bittersweet since it was the 6 month anniversary. And I hurt for Alisa, too. But a lot of good stuff, too. And I never did get all of my accounting read for tomorrow.


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