Ann

The Current Letter is "C" 01 - A Breed of Dog............................. "Collie" 02 - A Drink (alcoholic one) ....... "champagne " 03 - A TV Show .............. "Criminal Minds " 04 - A item of clothing............... "corset" 05 - A Color .......... "chartreuse " 06 - A flower............"Columbine" 07 - A song ............. "Copa cabana" 08 - A Book or Magazine ....... "Cosmopolitan" 09 - Actor/Actress ........ "Chris Cooper" 10 - A film............ "Cheaper by the Dozen "

Name five things (objects) that you currently have that you just can't part with.

Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, And... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their Children.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Whelan and Madam), she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice...loved it both times!" 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches). 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourself. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county or to a foreign country, but NOT a guilt trip. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

How sweet. Now my makeup is smeared for the day, but my heart feels good. So, who cares about makeup???

Have you ever given advice to anyone and then regretted doing so?

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $1,000,000 It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow". You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today. To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train. To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one. Treasure your friends. Treasure your family. Treasure God. Treasure all the love in your life every minute of every day. This life will be over before you know it! ~~Unknown

1. My parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My parents taught me RELIGION . “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL . “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!” 4. My parents taught me LOGIC. ” Because I said so, that’s why.” 5. My parents taught me MORE LOGIC “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.” 6. My parents taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.” 7. My parents taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.” 8. My parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.” 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!” 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.” 11. My parents taught me about WEATHER . “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.” 12 My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY . “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!” 13. My parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!” 14. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . “Stop acting like your father!” 15. My parents taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.” 16. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.” 17. My parents taught me about RECEIVING . “You are going to get it when you get home!” 18. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.” 19. My parents taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?” 20. My parents taught me HUMOR . “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.” 21. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN adult. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.” 22. My parents taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.” 23. My parents taught me about my ROOTS . “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?” 24. My parents taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.” 25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE . “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

I'm older than dirt...lol! I missed three. How did everyone else do???

History Exam... Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap. This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20. NUMBER 1-20, Write the letter of each answer and score at the end. Then, best of all, before you pass this test on, put your score in the subject line, send to friends AND HAVE FUN!!!! 1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located? A. On the floor shift knob B. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch C. Next to the horn 2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used? A. Capture lightning bugs B. To sprinkle clothes before ironing C. Large salt shaker 3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? A. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk B. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled C. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top. 4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance? A. Blackjack B. Gin C. Craps! 5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II ? A. Suntan B. Leg painting C. Wearing slacks 6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going? A. Studebaker B. Nash Metro C. Tucker 7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? A. Strips of dried peanut butter B. Chocolate licorice bars C Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside 8. How was Butch wax used? A. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up B. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing C. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust 9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes? A With clamps, tightened by a skate key B. Woven straps that crossed the foot C. Long pieces of twine 10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision? A. Consider all the facts B. Ask Mom C. Eeny-meeny-miney-MO 11. What was the most ! Dreaded disease in the 1940's-50's? A. Smallpox B. AIDS C. Polio 12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" A. SUV B. Taxi C. Streetcar 13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? A. Old Blue B. Paint C. Macaroni 14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill? A. Part of the game of hide and seek B What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores C. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill. 15 What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show? A. Princess Summerfallwinterspring B. Princess Sacajawea C. Princess Moonshadow 16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school? A. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high B. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window C. Wrote another pupil' s name on the top, to avoid their failure 17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases? A. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum B. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items C. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos 18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? A Meatballs B. Dames C. Ammunition 19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit? A. The Ink Spots B. The Supremes C. The Esquires 20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ? A. Tony Bennett B. Xavier Cugat C. George Gershwin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ANSWERS 1. On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe , took till the late '60's to catch on. 2. To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water. 8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. 11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease. 12. Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight! 13. c) Macaroni. 14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill. 15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet. 16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high. 17. Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store. 18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free. 19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots. 20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today.. SCORING 17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom! 12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there. 0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.

We're right here with you, Grace. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you right now. Yes, unfortunately for us all, we do get it.

The Current Letter is "C" 01 - A Breed of Dog............................. "Collie" 02 - A Drink (alcoholic one) ....... "champagne " 03 - A TV Show .............. " " 04 - A item of clothing.................... " " 05 - A Color ............... .............. " " 06 - A flower............ " " 07 - A song ............... " " 08 - A Book or Magazine ............... " " 09 - Actor/Actress ...................... " " 10 - A film............ " "

I think I would just love having Florence for a housekeeper. There might be things left undone but we would always be laughing!!!

If I had a brain, I might use it. IT's one of those days...lol!

If I had a ____________, I might _____________.

The Current Letter is "B" 01 - A Breed of Dog............................. " Basenji" 02 - A Drink (alcoholic one) ............... "Bourbon on the rocks " 03 - A TV Show .............. " Big Brother " 04 - A item of clothing.................... "Bra" 05 - A Color ............... .............. "Blue" 06 - A flower...........Butter Cups 07 - A song ............... " " 08 - A Book or Magazine ............... " " 09 - Actor/Actress ...................... " " 10 - A film............ " "

Redneck's Vacation -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again." Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

Let's pretend that you can pick a housekeeper from this list. Who would it be? Charles...from "Charles in Charge" Fran ....from "The Nanny" Florida....from "Maude" Mr. Belvedere Florence....from "The Jeffersons"

Don, I completely agree with you on this. There are some people, by choice, that just don't manage to remember that they are still alive and choose to "die" with their loved one. I know that Lucie, like Dennis, would want us to enjoy life. It is so sad that this lady wasn't able to move on and accept what had happened to her husband. I also think her comment to you, knowing you had recently lost Lucie, was very insensitive.

((((((((((((((((Grace)))))))))))))))))) Please know that we are all here for you, sending strength, holding your hand and saying prayers.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow My thighs were snatched from me during the night of March 22nd. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing? Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine? I spent that entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My buns were next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new derriere - although badly attached at least 3 inches lower than the original - to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was 2 years later when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, a section at a time. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age creeps up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. No. I was being attacked, repeatedly and without warning. One spring, my attention was riveted to female upper arms. I studied them from every angle, being careful not to raise mine in public or flatten them too tightly against my body. In private I held them straight out and did endless circles that would have tightened my real arms but did nothing for these silly putty caricatures. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my arms and my T-shirts. What could they do to me next? In short order, my boobs could hold a pencil. My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of. That's why I've decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee! That isn't really "plastic" those surgeons are using. You know where they're getting those replacement parts, don't you. The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? Check out those tummy tucks and raised buttocks. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids on that movie star? I think I finally may have found my thighs. I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them.

Signs of Menopause You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. Your "stray" eyebrows stray all the way to your chin. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," And your reply, "well, if it isn't Ozzie f---ing Nelson." The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. You change your underwear after every sneeze. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.

Beautiful poem....made me think of Dennis and cry. Letting Go God saw you getting tired. When a cure was not to be, He closed his arms around you and whispered, "Come to Me". In tears we saw you sinking. We watched you fade away. Our hearts were almost broken, you fought so hard to stay. But when we saw you sleeping so peacefully free from pain, We could not wish you back to suffer so again. So keep your arms around him Lord, and give him special care. Make up for all he suffered and all that seemed unfair.

The Truth about Dogs Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They hear a package of food opening a block away, but they don't hear you when you're in the same room. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats.

Life is good when you're a female... We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. Nobody has to know when we're at work and find ourselves incredibly turned on by the way a man smells. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life is good when you're a male... Your last name stays put. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a darn if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work...more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?" One mood, ALL the damn time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind. You can go to a public toilet without a support group. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours never thinking: "He must be mad at me". No maxi-pads. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.