Ann

So sorry that you are having to deal with all of these emotions. This cancer is so damned ugly....! Please know that although your Mom may not seem to understand everything right now, she probably is hearing and understanding everything you are saying to her. Make sure and take this opportunity to tell her everything you need her to know. I know how hard it is to see someone you love suffer so much. I used to walk outside on nice, sunny days and "give" God my "permission" to take Dennis on days that were really bad. I remember saying "God, today would be a really good day." Of course, as we all know, God works in His own time...not ours. I finally sat down, held Dennis's hand in mine and told him he needed to rest and find some peace. I told him that he had fought very hard and that everything possible had been done. You know, after that it was only a matter of minutes until he was gone. I know you are in pain seeing your lovely Mom like this. I pray that God will grant a miracle and heal her. I also pray for you, that God will grant you strength to get through this terrible ordeal. Cancer is a terrible word and a terrible thing...I pray that someday it will be removed from our world!

Shannon...so glad to hear that you are doing well. I know how you feel...especially that 15% of the time. The tears can just start for absolutely no reason and you can either cry for hours or five minutes...who knows what to expect? It seems that songs on the radio while I'm driving in the car seem to set me off really easy. My Dennis was quite a music lover and there was so much meaning in music for the two of us. Thank God you have your grandchildren to keep you occupied. My boys are all grown but there are no little ones yet. I look forward to that day and I can understand how they are a comfort to you now. My children, although adults now, had a really hard time losing their father. They are just now to the point where we can talk about a lot of the occurences durning his death. Please, email me anytime you would like to talk. I do understand...all too well!!!

Mainecoon, I know just how you are feeling right now. I lost my dear husband December 15th to SCLC. Somehow, it was easier for me when I would remember all of the suffering and then know that there was no more of that in store for Dennis. Maybe this can help you at some time. I know life seems extremely dark and dismal right now...but the sun will be brighter. Please accept my sympathy at the loss of your love and know that I am only a computer away if you ever need to chat with someone who has recently been there!

My dear husband, Dennis, passed away from sclc on December 15th. I miss him terribly! Some days are better than others. Every day something happens to make me think of him. Disposing of his belongings has been especially hard. Today, I sold his truck! It was sold to a really good friend of ours, but it still broke my heart to see it driven away. There is something so very final about parting with possessions. It seems to bring the reality and finality right between your eyes. I pray all of you are dealing well with your pain and loss.

First, please allow me to express my deep-felt sympathy at your recent loss. I lost my dear husband, Dennis, to sclc on December 15, 2002. I know that you cannot imagine right now that things will ever be brighter and the sun will shine again but THEY WILL! When I lost Dennis, I asked the same questions you have put to the members of this forum. No one can give an exact time frame of when things will be better, as it varies from person-to-person. Right now, your system is still in shock. Shock can be a wonderful tool for coping and healing. There is no magic time that things will get better...three months, six months, one year? When you turn a page on a calendar, it is another day you have managed to get through. After a time, you will begin to count weeks...then months. Every important date and milestone in Chris's life will be difficult for you. I made it through a Christmas without Dennis. Then I made it through New Years Eve alone...for the first time in 26 years. Then came Valentines Day without Dennis and his sweet little gifts. Then March 17th, which would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. Two of our three children's birthdays have passed. Dennis would have been 51 years old on June 10th. With each day, I think about what I was doing this time last year. This continues, but yet I am beginning to live for the future as well as the past. Dennis would have wanted me to live...as he would have like d to live! I'm sure Chris would have wanted the same for you. We cannot physically nor mentally die, although many times our souls and spirits seem utterly defeated. One day, you will wake up and for some reason things will feel a bit better. Then, every day thereafter becomes a bit easier. I can advise you to stay busy and to talk about Chris a lot. As long as you keep him alive in your memory, he will always be a part of you and your life. If you ever need to talk, please know that I am here for you. I am a survivor...and you will be too. This terrible disease took the lives of our loves but we cannot allow it to destroy our spirits in the process!!! God bless you and keep you safe!!!!

So sorry that you and your father are suffering along with your mom. I know how your dad feels, as I lost my dear husband in December. I was desperate for Dennis to eat and drink. I knew he could not live without nourishment and when he refused to eat and drink, I knew the dying process was advancing. I would beg and plea with him to just take a bite or two of food. There was a complete feeling of hopelessness inside me, as I began to accept this was the end of the road. Hospice was a big help. They gave me a great little book which explained that stopping eating and drinking was a part of the actual dying process. Maybe you could call Hospice and get a copy for your Dad. It explains, that by refusing nourishment, the body is preparing for the next plain where food is not needed. I hope this did not upset you. You sound as if you know your mom's condition all too well. Hospice also has some wonderful counselors available to help your Dad through this terrible ordeal. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Be strong Sam....you're a fighter!!!! You have conquered so much already and I know you can keep the fight strong!! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a constant reminder to me of what courage and faith are really all about!

Wanted to share a little poem that was given to us during Dennis's treatment. It would always pick us up during rough times. What Cancer Cannot Do......... Cancer is Limited. It Cannot Cripple Love. It Cannot Shatter Hope. It Cannot Corrode Faith. It Cannot Destroy Peace. Iy Cannot Kill Friendship. It Cannot Suppress Memories. It Cannot Silence Courage. It Cannot Invade the Soul. It Cannot Steal Eternal Life. It Cannot Conquer the Spirit. Author Unknown[/b]

So sorry to hear this terrible news about Fran. It seems when someone from this board has bad news we all suffer along with them and their families. I certainly know that Fran and her family will be thoughtfully and lovingly remembered in our prayers. I know how comforting it was to read all the encouraging words from all of you when Dennis took a turn for the worst. Jonathan, you certainly did the right thing by informing all of us. These boards become a lifeline for many of us. We know that the people here are in the same boat we are in and are dealing with the same issues. It is so comforting to know that others can really undersatnd what we are experiencing. I lost my best friend to leukemia three years ago. In our conversations, she told me of an online group she was participating in and how it was the most she had to look forward to on many long, painful days. I was unable to remember which board she frequented and was unable to notify them of her passing. I tried several but kept getting the wrong ones. So, please rest assured that letting online friends know was the right thing to do.

In his last weeks, my DH, Dennis did receive radiation to the spine as a pain management tool. Also, there were debates earlier in his diagnosis regarding radiation to the spine as a measure to reduce tumours as there was fear of spinal cord compression if growth continued. As others have stated, we were told that radiation to the lung masses is of no real benefit and can carry heavy complications. Our oncologist was very aggressive and I truly believe he would have tried any measure to prolong my husbands life. On the same token, he also spared any measure that would have caused any uneccessary suffering when he knew the attempt would be futile.

So sorry that your fears were confirmed to be factual! Keep the faith and know in your heart that you can and will defeat this monster!! Dennis's oncologist always stressed how very important visualization is in the fight to heal your body. We actually were able to visualize what the cancer might look like . I used to think of the chemo as a "pac-man" type of treatment that was actually eating away at the cancer. Almost everyy day before treatment, Dennis would watch the famous scene from Patton (his favorite movie) and get himself all hyped up to fight!!! Although this didn't work for him in the long run, I do believe it helped to buy him a lot of good time. If you remember his sclc was already very extensive when discovered (lungs, liver and spine) and yet he managed to have many good days between Feb. and December. You're in great shape and have been giving this monster one heck-of-a-fight!!! Keep it up and do whatever, whenever to keep on top of this. Like everyone has already said, you are truly an inspiration to all of us. There are so many of us that receive so much strength and wisdom from you. I am praying for you daily. Keep us posted!!! Oh, by the way ....how was fishing last weekend?

As always, you are in my prayers. You have come so very far on this journey and you know how very important a positive attitude is! I think fishing would be a great mental diversion ! You are a very special person who has been a great help and inspiration to us all. I know that you must feel the strength of all the prayers coming your way!!! Great luck on getting the scan so quickly! Sometimes scheduling can be a real hassle!!!