missyk
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Posts posted by missyk
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Actually...what you'll normally find is that with lung cancer they were either asymptomatic or had a lingering cough. With Mom (and many others I read about) she'd gotten "a cold" over the winter and the cough just never went away. Otherwise she felt absolutely fine.
I don't think it has a lot to do with the outcome...just the nature of this disease to "sneak up" on people.
Sending prayers that your mom's scans come out well!!
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Best of luck, Connie...I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers up your way!!
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Prayers for your Daddy and for today to be easy on you. Thinking of you
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Oh sheesh! Glad to hear surgery went well...stinks that it was a full hip replacement, though! Just remind him that he'll have a nifty new scar to show off to the nurses
I had to laugh...I could see *me* sitting there having my cigarette before knocking for help
because I'd know that once I knocked for help I wouldn't get another one for quite a while! Many prayers for you and your dad!
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Welcome Jim!
Just wanted to drop in and wish you well with the surgery!! Please, let us know how it goes. I'll be sending prayers!
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Welcome Agent...and sorry you've had to find your way here...but really glad you have!
I remember finding this place what seems like eons ago now and feeling the same things that you're feeling (minus the smoking anger...Mom had quit 20 years before her diagnosis) and not knowing which way was up. This is a wonderful place of knowledge full of survivors and HOPE!
Ditto to what Nick said about not letting anyone dismiss you along the way. This is a fight for her life and she needs every single person who's fighting with her to be willing to go all out!
One thing I did want to mention about the Chantix. I took it to quit smoking (yup, Mom had lung cancer and I'm still smoking
) and one of the side effects that *can* show up that they don't talk alot about is depression and an increase in suicidal thoughts. PLEASE, watch your mom closely for such things, especially with the diagnosis...depression can really creep up.Best of luck to you and your mom...let us know how we can help along the way!
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"Postiness", "finish line"...I smiled my way through reading that, nodding along the way.
I'm super-glad you went and saw someone. I warned my dr's to have the antidepressants ready to go the *moment* I delivered Xavier. I have terrible post-partum depression to go along with losing Mom. Of course...I rarely take the medicine.
We understand, Val...you post or don't post as it works for *you*. We're here to love ya no matter what! I know I do for everything you helped me through, sometimes without even knowing it.
Much love to you and the family...
*Sings White Christmas* on my way out.
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*Taps Pat on the shoulder* Uh...
I'm in need of a mommy for advice on this "boy thing" that I've never done before...I have an extra room since the "boy thing" still is sleeping in his crib in OUR room
, it would be WONDERFUL to have someone to talk to during the day who doesn't drool on me, AND I live just to the west! LOLSending warm hugs ('cause it's cold, icy and snowy down here, too!) and lots of love!!
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We tended to fall into the "disturbed funny" catagory of humor when we really got to laughing...
Mom was going for round-two of the bald look and had my brother shaving off the stubble so it was smooth (the stubble hurt, she said) and when we looked at the picture we started laughing. She had the white shaving cream on her head and a light blue towel around her shoulders and she looked like the Pope sitting at Mass!! (My grandparents are now rolling over in their graves!
) But it still makes me laugh! -
Hi Stacia...
It's really hard, I know, to feel *so* young all the sudden when our mom's are hit with this disease. I had just turned 30 and still felt like a small child the moment that we found out. I actually laughed when Mom said "Since you're all grown..." to we kids. Then, to have to be *so* adult about everything that's going on when all you want to do is curl up and be comforted...it's an odd position to be in and I'm glad you found this place as much as I hate that you needed to.
These great folks held my hand (and Mom's as she was part of the board, too) as we walked this journey and you'll not find a group who understand better than here.
Welcome, and let us know if there's anything we can help you with...including just venting!
Prayers for your mom to be one of the ones who responds well and lives a long, healthy life!!!
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It's been very hard for me as the holidays have come on...I think of Mom every single day and most of the days that brings tears. Not always sad tears...some are those sweet ones where the memory that preceeded them just makes me smile so big. But then I realize how much I really *do* miss her and the reality that I'm not going to get to see her again here on earth hits home.
But I'm trying and I get up out of bed each day and am thankful for a little baby that makes it necessary for me to do so or I really think I just wouldn't on a lot of days.Between Mom dying and Xavier's problems it's put a *huge* strain on my marriage...hubs and I fight most evenings when he gets home from work now-a-days. I'll be thankful when that finally blows over as I know it will. He's just worn out from my emotions, too..and he's working 7 days a week right now so I can stay home with the baby.
Speaking of the lil guy...I put his newest picture up down there so everyone can see that cheesy grin he blesses me with on the worst of my days. He's doing really well, gaining weight and catching up to his peers. I feel badly for him as he gets the Synagis shot each month to help prevent RSV (that attacks the lungs and his aren't strong enough yet to withstand a battle like that) PLUS he has his regular immunizations...there are days I'm sure he feels like a pin cushion! Those are the days I know Mom's holding him and saying "I know EXACTLY what you're going through!!"
I'm lucky, though...I've finally started to talk to Mom in my dreams and it comforts me. I don't wake up crying but smiling, knowing that she came to see me when I needed her.
I'm around, checking in, keeping track and always praying...
It's just hard to miss her so much and be here where we once were together.
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Kelly...
Our paths are so very similar that it gets a little creepy sometimes, but remember that I'm walking, hand in hand, with you. There are many times that I look down at Xavier and just start crying when I didn't even realize Mom was on my mind. I've stopped feeling guilty (for the most part) that my son sees so many tears from me and have started looking at it like this:
He sees (and your family will see of you) how capable I am of loving so deeply that it effects me to the point that I'm tearful with missing her and tearful with the joy of having him.
I'll keep you (and your family!) in my prayers.
XOXO
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Just wanted to take a minute (there are few available right now!
) to let you all know how things are going with Xavier.We brought him home from the NICU on Sept. 4th on home oxygen. We've since gotten him completely off of it and he's doing well. We discovered that he has some pretty bad reflux going on after a very scary incident where he stopped breathing and I had to revive him. But he's now on medication and thickened bottles and seemingly past the worst of that, too.
I put up the most recent picture of him down at the bottom...he's up to 7 lbs 4 oz and almost 20 inches...growing like a weed! His favorite thing is NOT sleep, though...at 6 weeks old he has two or three long awake times each day of a few hours each. LOL Just like his Mom and Grandma..he might miss something if he's sleeping!!
Hope all is well and thanks for all the prayers and support.
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All I can say is that I'm really glad that they have antidepressants on the market. This has been a rougher road than expected and I'm still not sure which way is up half the time.
I find myself, often now, sitting and *really* missing Mom. We finally got to try bottle-feeding Xavier today. I called all my friends and told them...then sat there feeling empty because I want to tell Mom. I know she knows, I know she sees. But I miss calling her! It's not that I miss her voice...I have a DVD that I can pop in any time I want to remind myself. I miss the physical act of picking up the phone and dialing. And calling my friends doesn't seem to help.
As I sat there holding him last night he was smiling those great gas-bubble smiles and I just started laughing and crying at the same time and whispered to him, "Grandma's talking to you, isn't she?" because one of Mom's friends used to tell me, when Sabrina was a baby, that it wasn't gas bubbles...it was Angels whispering to the baby. I hadn't even thought about that again until I saw him smile. I seriously think the nurses in the NICU think I'm a lil off my rocker with all the laughing through the tears that I do in his room...and all the talking, seemingly to myself.
I wish I could say that I've had a moment or two when I just *knew* Mom was nearby, but I haven't...I know she's keeping an eye on us...but mostly it's just my faith that Heaven exists and since it exists, Mom *must* be watching.
I just miss her so much. I miss having her here with me to face all that's going on. I hate having to be a grown-up without a back-up. And I'm really, really tired of feeling dumped on by fate. (That's my pity-party for the night)
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Nick...
I'm so happy to see you share the news on here!!
Remember...Mom's are up there talkin' about all the ins and outs of grandparenthood and smiling down, knowing in their hearts that they did all they needed to get US ready to be great parent's, too.
It's hard, definately, to look into the eyes of your newborn and NOT be able to say "Look, Mom!" and place the baby in her arms...the hardest thing I've done so far...but the joy and love for your child take hold and you can feel that Mom already has had her hand there, guiding that baby all the way.
Much luck with the pregnancy...and congratulations to you and Keri! I'm SO excited for you!
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Not sure where to post this...
Xavier Declan Ham arrived on Friday, August 3rd at 3:08pm by unexpected c-section. I had gone in for my regular dr's appointment and u/s and we discovered that I had no fluid for some reason. We decided to just go ahead and take him...and I'm glad we did. Turned out that my water had broken and resealed without me knowing it...and had left him open to infection.
He weighed 4 lbs 10 oz and was 18 inches long...and moved to the NICU about an hour after he was born where we quickly went downhill. He's been hooked up to all kinds of different machines since then.
The good news is that he's starting to recover from the infection, the pneumothorax (both sides) and the persistant pulmonary hypertension and is going to be getting one of his chest tubes out today! He was awake and alert last night for the first time since he was born and it was a load off mom and dad's mind to see his little eyes!!!
I'll have pictures eventually once we get home...right now we're staying at Ronald McDonald House so we can be right with him.
Thinking of you all and wishing you the best!!
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I always figured I’d leave it up to Mom to write her story. Mom was never one for the written word, though, and absolutely despised public speaking…so I guess this is where I step in and take over. The time has passed for her to be able to tell it herself, anyway.
All through the winter of 2003 there were terrible “colds” and “flu” going around. It seemed that everyone had a cough, a runny nose, congestion of some sort or another. Kleenex was in short supply most places and since Mom worked with the public every day as an operator in the hair salon she owned, it was no surprise she got hit pretty hard with all the creeping crud going around. She went to the doctor a few times over the winter, trying to get some relief from the cough that was nagging at her. She was told she had bronchitis, pneumonia, COPD, a heart condition…you name it, it was suggested as a diagnosis for this cough that just would not go away. We thought we’d heard the worst when they told her that they had diagnosed CHF (congestive heart failure). We were wrong. In May of 2004 Mom went back to her family doctor and told him she’d like to have a chest x-ray done. With all the breathing difficulties that she’d been having for the past few months, one was never done. She told me later that she knew, in the back of her mind, what would be found.
She told me a few days later that the x-ray had shown a “spot” on her left lung. The doctor wanted to do more tests and they were going to admit her into the hospital to get them all done at once. The news came in quick succession. She was done with the diagnostic procedures in a couple days and the results were in…non-small cell adenocarcinoma, primary tumor in the left lung, mediastinal lymph node involvement. She was scheduled for a scan of her brain…and sent home to digest all she’d learned so far. The results of the scan were “as bad as it gets”, there was a tumor in the brain and a small “spot”. She was staged IV and told that with no treatment she could expect around 3 months. If she chose to treat aggressively she *might* see a year’s survival.
I’ll be honest and say that her decision to treat and do it aggressively was not one she jumped to easily or quickly. Many times I wondered if I’d get a call from my step-father telling me that she’d decided to just “take care of it” herself. She’d watched a younger brother and sister die of different cancers and had another brother battling another one at the same time that she was diagnosed. She knew all too well what the face of cancer looked like, too, having fought the beastie in the form of cervical cancer years before. Ultimately, she told me, it came down to her grandchildren and wanting more time with them. She was going to fight and she was determined to make the best out of it.
Treatment was not easy. She was put on weekly chemo treatments and had daily radiation to go with it. By the time that the radiation ended she had burns on her chest and back that we would put salve on to try to help heal. It zapped her energy. She couldn’t eat and was lucky to get liquids down. Her treatment and the cancer played heck on her blood stream…clotting became a word she knew all too well. Mom was hospitalized many times for pulmonary embolisms, deep vein thrombosis, and general clotting issues. Then there were the times when no one was sure exactly what was going on and the times they got her blood “too thin” and had to watch to make sure she wouldn’t injure herself and bleed out. Somehow, she made it through it all.
A year passed (now 2006)and we’d hoped to celebrate it with good scans. There were mixed reviews. Her lung and the lymph nodes in the middle of her chest had responded to treatment remarkably well. Her brain, however, was becoming problematic. The original tumor had grown back. Still wanting to fight for all the available time she could have, she chose to being more radiation treatments to her head…whole brain radiation. After giving that “time to work”, she and her doctors went for a last-ditch effort of repeated stereotactic radiosurgery to the same tumor. It was not to be. By the time the new year rolled around (2007), she was out of treatment options. It was never something we really sat down and talked about…there was no moment when she said “I’m done with treating this.”
Mom’s doctor’s originally said that she would be lucky to see a year of survival with the most aggressive treatment available. When she died she had lived 2 years and 10 days from her date of diagnosis with stage IV non-small cell adenocarcinoma. Our time with her after her diagnosis was filled with ups and downs of treatment, all kinds of anxiety, worry, tears and heartache. But it was also filled with two years of time that we were able to spend with her. She saw her first grandchild turn 8 and her 4th grandchild born…and learn of a 5th on the way. She saw two years worth of sunrises and sets, her flowers bloom, and birds at the feeders. Those are times we’ll never forget. I’m proud to be the daughter of a great woman who fought the beastie named lung cancer…and I’m proud to be able to share her story.
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Mom's recovery from the WBR took approximately 6 weeks...then her balance started coming back and she was much more active than she'd been in quite a while before it.
Much love and many prayers...
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{{{Lori}}}
I know SF doesn't want to keep Mom's ashes in the house...and I too like the sundial idea.
Right now my mom's are in a box that was decorated with her photos and stuff in SF's curio cabinet...that's how he wants it and we're ok with that, too. When SF dies, we're under instructions to mix the ashes and scatter them at a place that they picked out together. I think THEN will be my hardest time. I'm so sorry you're feeling blind-sided by this.
Much love and many prayers...
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I'm tossing out a regional one...but MAN do I miss it...Betty Lou and The House with The Magic Window...oh...and The Floppy Show!!!
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The first part is OH so true...and the punchline had me roaring!
Thanks for the giggle this morning!
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Cheers
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*Sighs* I saw the Larry King interview and was taken aback by her appearance...then stunned when I learned she'd passed the following day. As Katie said, she was a character...and oddly inspiring to me.
Prayers to her family and loved ones...
because I'd know that once I knocked for help I wouldn't get another one for quite a while! 
) and one of the side effects that *can* show up that they don't talk alot about is depression and an increase in suicidal thoughts. PLEASE, watch your mom closely for such things, especially with the diagnosis...depression can really creep up.
But I'm trying and I get up out of bed each day and am thankful for a little baby that makes it necessary for me to do so or I really think I just wouldn't on a lot of days.
How about a Christmas game?
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
'Round yon virgin
(Oh, yeah, leave that line for me to find!!
)