missyk
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Posts posted by missyk
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Anniversary
in GRIEF
You know, Val, as I was reading that I thought...why don't you save for a cruise for you and Andy some day?? (And, btw, happy anniversary a couple days late!!!) Maybe not Alaska if it's not your cup of tea...but I imagine it would feel good to take her along in your heart when you do "get rich" enough to go!
Just a thought of my own...Wishing your parents a happy anniversary, too...cause it always WILL be theirs! (And I can just picture the wedding scene...reminds me of Mom's wedding pictures except hers was a light blue pantsuit!
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Here and Now (Gosh, I don't remember who did it!)
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Your first question was "I wonder if anyone can understand where I am?" and I can give you a resounding "YES!! 100%" Flip it being my father passing 4 years before (and living half the country away) and my mother getting close to death 45 minutes away...and I was in the same boat.
My husband and I have been married 10 years and had never fought the way we fought toward the end of Mom's life...and I think it was because I knew I was safe fighting with him when I really wanted to rage at the entire world. He was there and he took it on the chin (figratively) a few times...and he kept right on being there, as stressful as I made it for him.
I can't give you any words other than to let you know that yes, I've been there...and I'm here if you need somewhere else to rage at for a little while. Keep posting, keep venting it off, it DOES help.
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Do dolphins count? They ARE a mammal, after all!
Yup, that would be me...Missy the Dolphin! -
As to the co-worker who asked about the smoking even as a breast cancer survivor...I've run into the same question from families of other types of cancer patients when I openly say that Mom had lung cancer and yes...it irritates the living pi** out of me because it's NOT the issue.
I like the idea of giving a meal or food product to someone over money...if you can do it. However, there are times it's easier just to plunk down a couple bucks. I know it's annoying to you to see him standing there the next day smoking a cigarette but remember that 1) He's an adult who makes his own decisions and 2) Last I checked smoking was still legal. No one has to like it...but until a law passes that says it's a no-no...it's going to be there.
Much love and many prayers...
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All I can tell you is our experience and that was that Mom was "scheduled" for 6 or 7 rounds of carbo/taxol and managed to get 3 full-strength rounds in and two reduced-strength before she and her oncologist decided it was time for a chemo break. She continued to have shrinking even after the chemo was done and eventually, the primary tumor in the lung was nothing but history.
Wishing you and your dad all the best!!!
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Welcome!!
I, for one, am always happy to see *both* NED's around here!!
So glad you're doing well and feeling good!! Keep us posted!
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I've been doing "ok" with this grief thing, I really have...up until yesterday.
We had my baby shower and I was sad for a good portion of the time because Mom wasn't here and all I could think about, as I looked around the room and opened gifts, was that she SHOULD BE HERE for this!!! I've no doubt in my mind that I'm carrying the red-head she always wanted (we'll see if I'm right when he gets here) and it just put me in a mood that wasn't exactly proper for the festivities. As the guests started to depart (and I was giving a big sigh of relief that it was done) I realized that I'd not invited half the people I would have if Mom were alive. I didn't have her to help me make my list this time. I let it go...nothing I could do about it.
Then the rest of the day happened. My daughter's been sick for over a week now...had taken her to the family doctor with weird symptoms of lower abdominal pain, a fever that would NOT go away, and finally after a few days of wait-and-see, a cough. They decided the only thing that it could be was a sinus infection and put her on an antibiotic, cough syrup, and a decongestant and we settled in to wait it out. Yesterday was 4 days on the antibiotic and the cough seemed to have only gotten worse...and then she informed me that she couldn't pee and was having back pain. She's only 8 and would have NO way of "faking" a kidney infection severe enough to cause her to not be able to pass urine. We pack her up and head the 45 minutes to the pediatric ER in Des Moines. She's able to pee there and (LOL, of course!) there's no UTI or any other sort of infection going on with the bladder/kidneys...but, wait...that's not a sinus infection, she actually has pneumonia! So, out goes the cough syrup and decongestant (but keep the antibiotic going...it *should* work) and in comes albuterol to help with the breathing that isn't labored at all and that's why no one suspected it might be pneumonia in the first place.
I walked into our house after getting home and just completely lost it. I felt like a terrible mother, a terrible wife, a terrible person and all I wanted in this whole wide world was to call my MOM...and then I realized I couldn't. I started throwing stuff around, slamming cabinet doors, drawers, the washing machine lid, anything I could get my hands on that would make sounds that were good and loud and destructive. Then I hugged the stuffing out of my husband and daughter, cried until I thought I wouldn't be able to get a breath ever again...and ended up staying up until 4 in the morning in a daze.
I don't think this is ever going to end, sometimes...But I know, in my heart it will.
Sorry for the long post! Guess I just had a bunch on my mind.
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Nick...
I get this, I really do.
Anger is where I sit right now. And, if I'm being honest, I want to remain here for a little while. Being angry, for me, is much easier than feeling the hurt I know is behind it. I know some day I'll have to move past it...but for now I'm ok with being angry with Mom, with my family, with life.
Thank you for posting this...for sharing it. I appreciate it.
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I remember that conversation with my Mom...that same frustration she felt at being torn between the need to give herself a break and fighting on for her husband who just wasn't ready to let her go. None of us were, really, but he was the one she saw every day.
I'm so sorry that you have the pain of that conversation...and so happy that your Mom trusts you enough, loves you enough, cares about you enough to tell you those feelings. It sucks, and is wonderful all at the same time.
Like others...Mom's "last" Christmas wasn't the last, nor was her "last" many things. There's one who knows for sure and He's not tellin' us the when of things. Try to enjoy your trip out to see them!!!
Many prayers...
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Hmmmm...good question!
There has only been one sign that I've seen that truely made me give up some cash (in larger amounts than just some coins I might have) and it said "Why Lie? I want some beer" Mom and I laughed, pulled over, and gave him a $20.
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Dr West at http://www.onctalk.com might be able to give you a better idea of the "common side effects" range.
Mom only ever had the rash and diarrhea with tarceva and she reacted to everything in over-the-top ways.
Hope your Mom gets to feeling better!!! Many prayers...
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Hello and welcome..but sorry you had to find yourself here.
I know that with Mom the main thing was to just be around. She was very much an independent person and when the treatments would weaken her she wouldn't "ask" for help. But if we were there already, she'd lean on us. Luckily there were four of us...so maybe rounding up some people who are willing to help out as needed (so YOU can get away once in a while!) might be an idea.
Good luck and keep us posted on how you and your boyfriend are doing!
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Melinda...I'm so sorry. I wish I could say something to ease your pain...but there are no words.
Prayers for peace and comfort...
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**Giggling hysterically**
That just made my day, Nick...thank you for putting that up!!
I'm sorry that you're having a rough time of it right now. Great big (((hugs Nick)))
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Thank you, Val...I like that alot.
And "I'm not...burning dinner anymore" made me chuckle...Yup, been doing that myself here and there lately.
((Hugs you girls))
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Yup, you got it right. There were many times that I had to tell people "I just can't right now, I'm sorry" along the way. Whether it was visiting my friends in MO (just three hours away) or going down to OKC for a weekend "away" (another friend even offered to pay for it!) I had to decline because I wasn't comfortable being away and I'll never regret those choices.
It's what will make YOU (and your dad) comfortable that counts right now. The rest will be there to deal with another time when you have more energy and time to give to dealing with it.
Hope his next round doesn't hit him as hard!!!
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Mom was cancer-free from the neck down after chemo/radiation!!
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LOL @ Nick
Probably one of the funniest episodes!!Ok...I've never been good at names so I've taken to, when introduced to someone new, repeating their name back to them such as "Nice to meet you, Bob". THEN I'll try to find a reason to say their name a time or two more "What do you think, Bob?" "Isn't Bob such a nice person?" By then it's usually stuck for a while, at least!
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I echo Val's sentiment completely. I get it, too.
I don't fall apart in front of ANYONE (I have once in front of my daughter to "show her" in a way that it's ok). My grief is very private. I think people assume that because I was open about Mom's illness, that I should grieve publicly, too. It just doesn't work that way for me, either.
Sending love and understanding your way...
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Nova...
No one's going to delete this post and you won't be banned. No matter how "upbeat" we might seem to be...I think we've all been where you are and found ourselves HERE letting it all go. No place, I think, is it better understood.
(((Nova)))
I wish there were something I could do to help you through this time other than to be here and listen and support you...but I'll do that with everything I have.
Thinking of you and praying...
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Mandi...hello and welcome, though I hate that you had to find us.
I know how terrifying it is when all of this starts. It feels like one piece of bad news after another and always "something" coming up. Soon, though, once all the testing is complete, you and your mom will settle into a routine and it won't be *quite* so overwhelming.
As someone else said, get on the phone to the social security administration and get paperwork started for disability. The Lance Armstrong Foundation also has help available (I don't know much about this), and the local Department of Human Services should be able to let you know if there's anything they can do, also.
Now...as far as smoking goes...Connie's got it right on! Those cigarettes are your Mom's best friend and biggest enemy and don't believe for a moment that when she lights one she's not thinking about it. It's on the minds of most smokers who either have cancer (any type) or have a family memeber. I was having a cigarette minutes before my mother died of lung cancer...as were my brother and our step-father. It's one of the most horrid addictions. Just remember that it's your love and support that will get her through this...and she CAN get through this. As Connie also said...it's treatable and it's beatable.
Please, keep us informed on how you and your mom are doing...sending love and prayers...
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Sending ((((hugs)))) to all the rest who are missing their daddy's.
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Yay!! I love hearing this!!!!! Sending prayers of thanks and a few tossed in that NED makes a LONGGGGGGG visit!!
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Probably one of the funniest episodes!!
My father passed
in GRIEF
Posted
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad.