Ladyintheglen

lewellen, Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You are doing the very best you can! You should not have to do this alone. When I was going through this I found that the ones who tried to act like I wasn't doing everything humanly possible were the ones that wanted to do the minimal amount possible and then pass judgement onto me. Don't let them do this to you. I know that this statement is easier said than done but trust me...no one has the right to pass judgement on you. You are doing a great job and I am sending you a pat on the back. Cheryl

Kathleen, I can only echo the sentiments of the wise people on this wonderful site. You did the very best you could with the information that you had on that day. No one can do more than that. You need to give yourself a break. You did nothing wrong. You loved her. That is the important thing. I pray for peace for you and your family. Cheryl

(((((((Lori))))))) I'm so sorry to hear this news. Please know that you are all in my prayers. I've written 4 responses (erased them all) and nothing seems sufficient. I can tell you that we would not have made it through with out hospice. With love, Cheryl

Robert A. 'Jake' Peeler Robert A. "Jake" Peeler, 53, of Lansing Road, Town of Glen, passed away peacefully Monday morning at his home with his beloved wife at his side. Born in Gloversville, New York on Dec. 23, 1952, he was the son of Robert E. and the late Regina Hazzard Peeler. He was a graduate of Fonda-Fultonville High School, Class of 1970, and later attended Fulton-Montgomery Community College. For over thirty years, Jake was employed as a welder for CSX Railroad in Fonda. He served as a former assistant chief of the Rural Grove Fire Department and also was the local treasurer for the BMWE Railroad Union Liberty Lodge No. 882. An avid fisherman and hunter, Jake was a true outdoorsman. He loved his "homestead", where for the past thirty years, he carefully tended the land, planting trees, stocking his pond and creating an ideal setting. He and his wife were active members of the Village Bible Church, Fonda. On May 20, 2000, he was united in marriage to the former Cheryl A. Nellis Williams. In addition to his wife, his loving family includes his father, Robert E. Peeler; his daughter; Jenika Peeler of Connecticut; stepchildren, Doren Gray, Adam Williams and Kerry Williams, all of Gloversville, Gregory Williams of Johnstown, Virginia Ferguson of Okinawa; brothers, Robert Johnson of Ft. Pierce, Florida, Donald Peeler of Gloversville, Ronald Peeler of Alabama and William Peeler of Fonda; sisters, Barbara Telfer of Fonda, Anna Bedell of Tribes Hill, Kathy Andrews of Pennellville, New York and Dawn Hofmann of Scotia; three grandchildren who were the joy of his life: Damian Williams, Andrew and Aliayah Gray; aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins. In addition to his mom, a sister, Eileen Hastings also predeceased him. A celebration of his life will take place Thursday at 11:00 a.m. at the Village Bible Church, Fonda with the Pastor Wade Prime, officiating. Interment is in Maple Avenue Cemetery, Fultonville. Relatives and friends are invited and may call on Wednesday from 2-4 and 6-8 p.m. at the Jackson & Betz Funeral Home, 15 Main Street Fultonville. Contributions may be made, in lieu of flowers, to the Mountain Valley Hospice or to the Literacy Volunteers of Fulton County, both in care of the funeral home. Please sign the family's guestbook at www.brbsfuneral.com.

Hello all of you wonderful dear friends. Jake went home to our Lord on January 23rd at 11:10 am. He waited for Hospice to be here with me (and the camera monitor turned off!) I was by his side holding his hand. The next 2 days are going to be so hard. Today is the viewing and tomorrow is the funeral. Please continue to pray that I will survive this. My grandbabies and children depend on me. Cheryl

Hello all of you dear supporters, I just wanted to let you know what is going on. We saw the Dr. yesterday. Treatment is being stopped since it is not working. My poor husband could not understand why he couldn't have chemo if he still wanted it. I explained about Dr.'s ethics and he still kept saying that he wanted the chemo. He just couldn't understand. I was grasping at straws at that point. Then I realized that my husband does understand money. So I told him that the insurance wouldn't pay for it since it's not working. He accepted that without another word. Go figure! Jake's scans are horrible. I knew they were going to be bad but I was not expecting what I saw. Hospice is coming tomorrow to do the admission. I'm sorry I haven't posted much lately but each day was bringing something new with Jake. I watch him go more and more downhill with each passing day. The emergency scans I asked the Dr. for explained why. Please pray for God to heal him or take him quickly and peacefully. Love, Cheryl

Dearest Carleen and Keith, I am praying that you recieve God's abundant blessings on your decision. I am putting this on our prayer list at church! A baby is such a joy. The other day I was in a grocery store and heard a baby giggling and laughing in the next aisle. Despite my sadness at that moment I had to smile and enjoy the wonderful sound of a baby's laughter. May you be blessed with the happiest baby imaginable! Love, Cheryl

The mixture Carol is talking about is called both Miles Magic and BMX. It is a mixture of Benadryl, Mylanta and Xylocaine in equal parts. My husband needed it in order to eat or drink. Your father will need to be very careful eating and drinking while using this as the possibility of choking rises with the numbness. I always told my husband to remember to take small bites of food and small sips of liquid. Hope this helps. My prayers are with you. Cheryl

My prayers are with you both. Love, Cheryl

Thank you for all of your replies. There seems to be a problem with us getting full hospice care because Jake is receiving chemo. Apparently you can't receive treatment and hospice at the same time. They have offered us counseling (unofficially). The chemo is to try to reduce the pain but it is not working. We have increased Jake's pain meds 6 times this month alone. The Dr.'s have told me how much extra to give him to knock down severe breakthrough pain. Thank God for that. I had to switch my pharmacy. The pharmacists that didn't know me at my regular place were starting to look at me funny with all of these increases. As if I or Jake were taking the meds for kicks and half the time they didn't have what we needed. They'd say, "We can get this in in 5 days. Will that be ok?" UMMMM....NO it won't be ok. Then I thought...Let me beat your bones with an iron pipe and you go for 5 days without pain meds...Would that be OK? Maybe pain free is not going to happen right now. He is relatively pain free as long as he is in the recliner or bed. (and takes the pain meds on schedule) If he walks 10-15 steps he is in major pain. Once he sits back down it subsides most of the time. Thank you for all your prayers. We love all of you. Cheryl

Hello all, Sorry to bother you again but...I'm having a problem with Jake's pain. We have increased the morphine (long acting and short acting). He is comfortable as long as he is in the recliner or bed. If he walks 10-15 steps his pain level goes up to a 7 or 8. How do I help him through this? I don't want to have him so drugged that he can't stay awake at all but I don't want him in pain either. I made a promise at the beginning of this and I feel like I'm letting him down. It's very obvious that the cancer is aggressively advancing. I feel we don't have much more time. The chemo doesn't seem to be working this time. I need to take care of this pain. Does anyone have any experience or advice? Thank you and God Bless all of us, Cheryl

Maryanne, Have you told the Dr.'s that your husband is drinking on top of the pain meds? Maybe they or a social worker from their office could talk to hubby about in-patient alchohol treatment. He probably can't be weaned off the pain meds but getting him off the alchohol and cigs would be a great help to his health. You are definitely going to have to put your foot down as far as smoking around the Oxygen. Tell him that if he is going to insist on smoking then do it outside. You can't make him quit but you can put down some ground rules. Yes, I do know what it is like to not receive a thank you for anything that was done for my husband. Not only that but I get complaints about how I don't do anything right. I prayed for peace (as did everyone on the board). I couldn't understand why each day got worse. The problem was that God was handing peace to me...I just wasn't taking it. I had to accept the peace that was being offered. Then I had to make a decision to be at peace. Now when my husband complains I try to not get upset and generally answer...I'm sorry you feel that way. I refuse to accept the blame anymore. I put it in his lap. It's the way he feels...not the way I'm doing things. I know this is long but there is one more thing I need to address. Sanity is a rare comodity during a war. We are at war with LC. We merely have moments of sanity. Thank God there are many of us on the board. The ones that have a moment of sanity help those of us in the insanity. Please keep posting we care. Cheryl

Prayers being said. Cheryl

((((((((((Holly)))))))))) My prayers are with you and your family. Always remember that when you can't seem to take a step forward..stand still and breathe. Darling, in your shoes that's about all the strength I would be able to muster. Breathe, honey, just breathe. Know that we all share your tears. Love, Cheryl

Hello dear Lori, As most of you know I have been through the ringer with the anger issue with my husband. I can tell you what seemed to work for me in addition to lots of prayer and work by God. I made a decision to be at peace. I couldn't control my husbands anger but I could control my reaction to it. When my husband would call me ugly names and tell me how useless I was...I started responding, "I'm sorry you feel that way." It became my mantra. At first he got worse...but then it was as if once he saw that I refused to react to his anger it began to die off. By the way we had a wonderful breakthrough and he is much better emotionally now. I don't know if this will work with you, your step dad and brother but it can't hurt. Maybe she needs some calm in the midst of her hurricane. Love, Cheryl

Hello Jay, You have come to the right place for information and support. The people here are absolute God-sends! I agree that we will need more information about your son in order to help you. What type of cancer does he have and what stage? If it has spread...where? What treatments has he had? You may not be able to recall every detail off the top of your head but do the best you can. Our "Ask the Experts" forum is excellent. Questions are answered by medical staff who really know their stuff. But again they will need more information in order to answer your questions accurately. I am so sorry you have had to come here. But since you do have the need...welcome. Come anytime to ask questions,gripe,whine, complain, celebrate or just to take a break. The support here is overflowing. My prayers are with you. Cheryl

(((((((LORI and LOU))))))) Feel free to drop in anytime. The people here are a wonderful resource. They are extremely smart, compassionate and loving. They are rocks when you need to lean on them and soft pillows when you are falling. I am so sorry you have had the need to come here...but there is no better place for you to be right now. My prayers are with you both. Cheryl

Hello All and thank you for your prayers! I've called Hospice. I don't know what to say to everyone except thank you for all you do for us. All of you warm my heart and make me feel like I can take another day of this. Please know, in case I forget to say it, that I carry each of you in my heart daily. Cheryl

Dearest Jen, I am so sorry that this journey took this turn for you. Just know that I admire your grace and pray for your entire family. You are a God-send. Cheryl

Hello all, Thank you for all of your support. It really helps. I am trying so hard to do something (anything) right and nothing is good enough. You are letting me know that I am doing it right. Thank you. I did speak to 2 of his dr.'s. They sent a social worker to speak to me and she gave me information on battered women. I didn't need that. I have a plan in place for in case things become physical. I need some medication to help my husband calm down. They don't seem to hear me. They said that I'm not alone in this and that many wives go through this. I don't understand why they wouldn't try to get him to take some meds to help. In the mean time I just keep saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and dying bit by bit in my soul. Cheryl

Hello all, I just thought I'd give you an update. Jake went through the Gamma Knife surgery very well. He even smiled and joked until the medication they gave him wore off. Then it was back to I'm an evil wicked b**ch. I've tried leaving him notes when I go to work (I can't talk to him) telling him that I love him but he told me to stop leaving them because they agravate him and make him madder. Yes, he is on Decadron but only 2 mg. He is having definite seizures now and the dr. has put him on dilantin. No driving now. Jake feels that I am in a conspiracy against him along with his dr.'s, friends and the minister. He can't stand it if someone asks how I am doing. After all, he is the one with the cancer. Jake refused to talk to his best friend last night because his friend called and when I answered the phone he asked how I was doing. That's all she wrote...now his friend is against him. I don't understand why no one can be concerned about me. God, I wish this anger would end! I have decided that I am not going to get upset and cry when he goes into his bouts of rage. It seems the more I cry the more fuel he gets and just keeps hitting below the belt. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Cheryl

Two thoughts here..."just say no, kindly" or maybe there is a friend that could go with Alan. Alan could supervise the move (and he gets to know that he is helping and still very much relied on, which would be a good thing) the friend could make sure that Alan doesn't over do and keep Alan company. It is rather boring sitting and waiting for the movers to come back to reload. Just a thought. Please know my prayers are with you! Cheryl

(((((Karen)))))) Call the Dr. now!!! There are meds that can help! I know that you must be terrified with the uncontrolled bouts of anger. Call the Dr. and hang in there. If you need to unload please email me. Been where you are and it is ugly. My prayers go out to you and your family. XOXOXOXO Cheryl

Jovian, I don't understand what that message is supposed to mean. Does anyone know? Cheryl P.S. Onc. appt. to form a plan tomorrow...... Gamma Knife for brain mets on Tuesday.

Thanks go out to all of you for your prayers! Jake spoke to our onc. yesterday and was prescribed a steroid. The only problem is that he is diabetic and steroids wreak havoc with his sugar counts. Of course Jake did not remind the Dr. that he is diabetic. (Jake is not real good with medical things.) Waiting for a call from the Dr. to make sure that this is the best med for my husband. Dr. made no mention about Jake driving that I know of. Please continue to pray for us. We need peace. The anger must leave this home! Cheryl