shelliemacs
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Posts posted by shelliemacs
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I also welcome you to the family.
When you say its hard to find hope or be thankful or grateful, everyone here knows that feeling. Your feeling cheated unlucky, crapped on, sad, angry... all of those feelings are valid and you have a right to them. No one deserves cancer and especially lung cancer when the odds are already against the patient becuase the dollars are not there in research like in other cancers.
But think of it this way. You have so much to be thankful for already. Your husband is still HERE. As long as that is what it is then there is ALWAYS HOPE. Never give up the fight and if your doctors are not positive for you the dang it find another one and keep looking until you find him or her.
the squeaky wheel gets the oil remember.
also think of it this way. You have chances now to make memories and tell each other how much you love each other. There are people today who went to work and wont ever come home from some accident or something.
Live like gangbusters right now. If you knew the world were going to end in three days wouldn't you want to go out in a blaze of glory? I am not saying your husband is going to pass anytime in the near future, just that you were given this alert that everyone's time is fleeting. You started dying the second you were born. Live like today is it, even for people who have not been dx's with anything yet. You yourself are not guaranteed to come home tomorrow so live the life you were given today.
if this is coming off bad truly its not how I mean it.
I have just lost so much and have lived in fear of cancer for so long that I am trying very hard to "Carpe Deim" myself. I want to go to my grave, dirty, tired, broken, scratched and limping. If and when I go, I am going fighting.
shelly
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Wow is the only word I can come up with for how twisted your world is right now.
I am so unbelieveably sorry for what your going through.
I too lost my mom and dad to LC 9 months apart. We didn't even know dad had it when mom died but three months later he was dx'd and 6 months after that I lost him too.
Your on auto pilot right now and NOW is when you need to ask for help. Friends, Family who ever and maybe even something from your doctor to help your nerves.
Nothing will ever be able to fill the void of a mom or a dad. Carry him in your heart and talk to him and about him with others often it will keep him here and alive with you.
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Don and Lucie,
I am always amazed at how much grace you both show even during trying times.
I know Lucie will take this new chemo and fight back the beast once again.
That woman has unbelieveable fighting spirit that I wish I could have one day.
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tina
as i have not lost my spouse i dont know that exact pain.
but as for losing someone you love to this damn disease i understand.
my advice. listen to your own heart. Sometimes when people die others around you feel like you don't want to hear about them or by not talking about the person who passed that you wont remember that they are not here anymore. Personally I love to hear people talk about my parents I learn more about them from their friends and laugh or smile when i think about them in those certain situations.
talk about Charlie often., Share you stories with us and everyone around you. Write them down for your sake and to let others know who he was and what he stood for and what he loved and hated too.
to share him with others will keep him alive.
shelly
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Jodi,
I have typed this several times. Never coming out the way I want it too.
Nothing will ever make this time easier for you. Not my prayers or my sympathies. I just want you to know I truly understand the pain you are in. Nothing replaces your mom and the void is endless.
I miss my mom to this day. The pain is not what it was on August 15 2003 but neither am I. Try to remember the best times with your mom, the laughs, the talks, the adivce, the fights, As long as you keep her close and talk about her daily you will keep her alive and she will live on.
I truly am sorry your mom had to endure this awful disease. No one should have to go through this.
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I dont know how to make your self have the meltdown to start to heal. I think it just happens one day. I had to hole it together after my mom died, because my dad completely fell apart with grief. Then dad got LC 3 months later and died 6 months after that. Then my sister was dx'd with cancer the day we burried dad and i had to help her with that. So my breakdown came almost 1 and 1/2 years after moms death and then 8 months after dads death when my sisters chemo was done.
I fell completely apart. wanted to die. even wrote the suicide note. then one day got 1/1 millionith better and then another day got 3/1 millionith better and now I am better.
it will be three years this august for mom and 2 years in june for dad.
healing is on its own schedule. it takes as much time as it wants. I still miss mom and dad like crazy and still cry at the cemetary. But I am now living in mom and dads house and thats very comforting.
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cindy,
when was the last time you bought vinegar?
I dont think anything in the world costs only 29 cents now.
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Linda.
Ok will try it with water again. maybe flaovred water will help. I cant do maple syrup and I dont know what blackstrap molasses is really.
I have lost 15 inches since running I started running in February. I started kick boxing just the first week of March and i always tell my husband I am gonna use my super girl kick boxing moves on him to keep him in line.
I know the inches is good, but i REALLLLLYYYYYY want to see the scale go down. Its like that number justifies who I am as a person. This number is too high so I am a bad, ugly, chub head. BUT if the number went down I would be a hot, gorgeous fem fatale.
just as a funny thoght. my rabbit runs around my treadmill when I am running and sometimes he tries to jump up with me and I am running at 6 miles per hour so the second he hits the belt he FLIES across the room. It sounds cruel but its funny as hell to see it.
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Ann,
I take it three times a day before meals. Its hard to say if the energy is still from the ACV or just my hyper active self. I am very hyper in the mronings and by 3 pm I am crawling on the floor at my office. I drink allot of green tea and diet red bull too so that may be it too.
I exercise daily. I am a 3 mile a day runner and i kick box and weight lift 3 times a week but even with all that, I have not lost 1 single ounce. Nothing, nodda, zip, zilch, the big goose egg.
but then again I loveeeeee candy.
BUT i have not gained either. Its like my scale only goes to one weight and never fluxuates.
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No weight loss here yet either. I do have raging heartburn though.
maybe this was a stupid idea.??
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I gotta say Andrea.
You have won our first annual "Mrs. Neurotic USA award". Your reigning title will last 1 full year and you get a crown and septor and a fancy sash with your title on it in glitter. Your rewards are one full year of intensive therapy with a a twice removed nephew on his wife's side of the one and only Dr. Sigmund Freud PLUS!, a team of 127 doctors following you around to dx every twinge.
Here she isssss Mrs Neurotic USAAAAAA
Isn't she paranoid, doesn't she shake with fearrrrr. She'd be lovely if she wasn't such a neurotic messsss but there she isssssss a therapists Dreammmmmm
applause applause
wow I have truly lost it now too.
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these are the rockiest steps on this road right now for you. Prayers for your mom and you being said.
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Microwave oven
I can't cook and microwave almost every meal from a frozen dinner. 6 minutes to a healthy gourmet meal. viola!
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ok, just so you can all day "dang it shelly" I want you all to now get the Love Boat theme in your heads, go on I will wait........
now change up the lyrics some how and make it your own song and see how far our elevators really don't go to the top floor.
here is what I can remember to start us off of the real song.
Love, exciting and new
Come aboard, were expecting you
Love, lifes sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you
Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure
Your mind on a new romance
Love wont hurt anymore
Its an open smile on a friendly shore
Yes love...
Its love...
Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure
Your mind on a new romance
Love wont hurt anymore
Its an open smile on a friendly shore
Its love...
Its love...
Its love...
Its the Love Boat
Its the Love Boat
let the games begin.......
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Carleen and Keith.
I am going to try again to ask my mom and dad to help. They are my angels and when I needed my sisters cancer to be taken care of, they somehow did it.
It was probably my mom, she can be real loud and very persistant when she wants to, and God himself, as great as he is, will probably get sick of her following him around all day yapping in his ear and just to get he to shut her peep hole, maybe he will grant this miracle.
I will ask both of them for a miracle today.
shelly
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My sincerest condolences for your family.
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Geri,
there is pretty of room on the Lido Deck for you to find a cabin. The Aloha Lounge for paranoid cruise pasangers is open 24 hours a day.
welcome aboard.
Captain Stubing requests your presence at his table for dinner.
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My Engineering Degree. But I got it with just the loss of sleep and sanity.
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Whew. So I am not looney. Sweeettt.
what started this post was the other night I ws laying in bed and I had an itch. I scratched it and hit bump that literally was the size of a pin head but in my mind it was a golf ball under my skin and I sat straight up in bed and said to myself Its a cancer lump from skin cancer or something. Even though I am NEVER in the sun and this was on my collar bone and I am absolutely the pailest person in the state of NY ever. I put casper the ghost to shame. I scare small children with how transparent my skin is.
so as Becky (Snowflake) says this boat is getting full, but I can always rent a bigger boat.
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i pray for his safe journey.
my prayers for your comfort
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I was told by my doctor that I am paranoid about getting cancer.
Mom, Dad, my sister all were dx'd with cancer. I am paranoid still to this day that every ache, pain, pimple, scratch, wart, age spot, freckle is now cancer.
My doctor says I still need anti-anxiety meds but I have been off them for a while now. I don't want to live medicated for the next 50 years until I go home.
does anyone else who was either a care taker or survivor dwell in the "this must be cancer" world?
I know I can't prevent getting any cancer of any type. I just don't want to wish it upon myself by being paranoid about it.
still crazy 3 years later.....
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Wonderful news. Its a good day in your house today. Celebrate with Mom for me.
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Shirley I will send you some of my megical mending heart pills so you will feel better soon and be back to us again.
Not normal self
in NSCLC GROUP
Posted
when my mom came off the steroids she got extremely tired too. The steroids are false energy. She ate like a hog on them and then stopped after them.
Her personality changed a bit too. She seemed a little more edgy. but with that crap in your system it does a number on one's system.