crystleshoe
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Posts posted by crystleshoe
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I think about this all the time too but my worry was that my mom would be "stuck" somewhere and not be able to get to the final place. She was a born again christian and I was raised that way so she very much believed in the idea of the heavenly palace and everlasting life. Me? Im not so sure. so I guess thats why I dont go to church as much as I should. Maybe thats why my dad is so ok and Im a basket case he believes that they will be together again for all eternity and I am not so sure.
Cheryl
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Sometimes I find my self wondering if we didnt push mom to go for the last round of chemo "would she still be here?" I feel like we should have slowed things down and let her get stronger before we put her body through that again. The doctors said her blood was good and that it would be ok but I cant help feeling that I should have seen that she was not ok. I know that sclc is fast growing but I keep thinking that without treatment we may have had more time. It was only four months from dx to her death so I have to wonder " is it the cancer or the cure that kills?"
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wow a hot bath and a bottle of cheap wine!!! I think I know what Im doing Saturday nite. Great idea.
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lisa
I am so sorry. There are no words to stop the pain. My mom passed away from sclc almost 2 months ago so I am feeling your pain today. There are tons of prayers being sent your way,
Cheryl
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nick
I agree. Sometimes I have conversations with her and hope that she can hear me. I answer myself as I think she would and I talk to her like she is in front of me. ( only when im alone though so my family doesnt think ive gone totally loopy.
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Missy
all i can say is thanks. I hope you dont mind that I printed it to make copies for my sisters. I am also printing one for my hubby so he will understand what I need.
Perfect...
Cheryl
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I just read this post today so I may be a little late and you might have your answers but I work in a pharmacy and in my opinion a Pharmacist is the person you want to speak to. they have the knowledge of all drug interactions and how they react to things and also what side effects if any to expect. If you go to your local pharmacy with all the meds she is on I am sure they will help you
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They say that grief is a series of steps ( disbelief,sadness anger etc.) some people seem able to move thru this whole process faster than others. I dont believe there is any "right or wrong" way to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. I can only relate to the death of my mom as I have never had to deal with anything like this before. My mom just passed away on Jan 13 and although we were kinda prepared for it (i guess) it is still like a stinging slap in the face every time I go to call her and then realize that I cant. I go to work everyday and take care of my family and do all the "normal things" but there is always that little hole in my heart. I think the hardest thing is that I fought so hard for her to get better and I was not ready to give up the fight just yet. But i dont know if I ever would have been. This whole experience has made me a kinder and more gentle person because I never know what a person is having to deal with and maybe if I am nicer to them or more understanding it might just help in someway.
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it appears to be true
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I am so sorry that you are dealing with this now. My mom passed away 5 weeks ago and we have not cleaned out her things yet I dont think I am strong enough to do this yet. I understand how upset you are. I had dinner with my dad last week and he mentioned that he was thinking of giving some of my moms books and bibles to our church and he wanted to know if it was ok with us girls and I felt like someone dug a knife into my heart. I asked him to wait a while and he was ok with that. You have a right to be mad and someone should tell your sister that you have a right to grieve in your own way and your own time.
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I am so sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel. my mom passed away 5 weeks ago today. I also was with my mom quite a bit( every other day) and when she was gone I didnt know what to do. I called my dad 4-5 times a day to check on him, The first week after the funeral I worked 60 hours and didnt sleep at all. I cry a little bit each day and cant believe how much I miss her. People say that it will get better with time and i have to believe them because the people who say it have been thru it all before. I hope you find some peace.
Cheryl
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i can only give you some insight from my point of view. I have 2 sons(24&16 and 1 daughter(21) and i have found that my daughter loves to talk about things and have everything out in the open and the boys tend to close up into themselves and need more time to come to grips with things. Since your brothers are 18 I bet they dont want to deal with all the emotional stuff and Im sure they dont want to see you upset, I think if you stay in close contact with them(e-mail,phone etc.) they will know that you love them. You cant make choices for them and you dont have to approve of all the choices they make, just let them know you will be there to help them pick up the pieces when they need your help. I am sure that your mom would be so proud of you. Dont give up on the boys just keep in mind they are boys and they dont think like us woman.
cheryl
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I am new to this whole grief thing. Its only been 1 month since my mom passed away and sometimes I think I am going crazy because it hurts so much more now than it did a month ago. When she was sick I used to think the worst thing would be to prolong her pain and suffering and when we decided to stop treatment and take her off the ventilator I felt some peace knowing that she would not ever want to live like that. Now I am just so sad that I will never hear her voice or see her face again, There are so many times in a day that something will come up or someone will say something funny or I will read something and I'll think " I should call Mom shell love this and then its like a slap in the face cuz I cant call her. I feel like it was ok to cry and be upset a few weeks ago but that people kinda expect me to be all right now. I have no answers but I do understand how you feel and I am so sorry that you have to feel this pain. I guess all we can do is to take a minute at a time and be happy for those few sane moments when we are not so sad.
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only 1 of me with my married name and 1602 of me with my maiden name
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very funny and so true
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Hi,
I'm Cheryl. I live in Nashua,NH which is about 35 minutes north of Boston. I was born and grew up in Melrose MA and lived close to home until my husband and I wanted more separation from our families ( what we didn't know then was that someday we'd miss them) We have been married for 24 years and we have been together since I was in high school. I have a step daughter who is 25 and she has a son( so technically I am a grandmother), a 24 year old son (he is a butcher), a 21 year old daughter(a nurse) who is my favorite person in the world. Her boyfriend got out of the Marines about 6 months ago so he has moved here to be with her. He did a tour in Iraq and was stationed of the coast of Japan for a while and he was based out of California so they have had a long distance relationship for a while. I also have a 15 year old son who plays baseball all year and plays guitar. He has decided to join a school club that deals with tobacco issues. and he is planning on going to Law school. We have a little yorkie named Jazzy who is spoiled rotten.
I work full time as a Pharmacy tech in a very busy store. When my kids were little I did home daycare and that was my most favorite job. My husband is an Inventory Control Specialist for a paper company outside of Boston. I love to read and shop(too much). I just found out that I'm diabetic (my mom was too) so I am trying to eat right and exercise and keep that under control. My mom passed away Jan 13 2007 after 4 months of fighting sclc. She and my dad were married for 50 years. I have 2 sisters(both older) so my dad was surrounded by women. As a family we have been lucky and not had to deal with too many illnesses or deaths so this whole lung cancer thing just hit us so hard.
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People keep telling me that time heals and that it will get better. They say that I will not hurt so much and that I will accept it and be able to go on. i just don't see that happening I miss my Mom so much more with every day that passes. everyday I think of something else I should have done, or something I shouldnt have done while she was sick. I think about how she hated being sick and how I kept telling her that she would be allright , that it was only temporary and that soon she would be home. I think about all the things I should have told her and all the times I didnt spend time with her before she got sick. I knew that I would grieve but I never in a million years was prepared for the amount of tears i would shed and the pain that comes with that grief. People ask how I am doing and I tell them I am ok because thats what they want to hear. My daughter(age 21) misses her grandmother so much and I cant stand to see her in so much pain either but I dont know how to help her because I cant help myself. All I can say is this whole grief thing bites!!!!!
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I agree. The week after my mom passed away I had to buy a card for my husbands friend whose 22 year old handicapped son died and I cried my way thru the card aisle. I ended up with one that simply said we were thinking of him and were there for him. Cards should say what we really mean like "this sucks" or "I hate funerals"
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I am so sorry for your great loss
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I love this too. It is just in time for me as I was having a really sad day yesterday. My mom passed away 3 weeks ago and it seems to get harder to bear rather than easier as time passes. I miss her so much. I guess before it seemed like maybe she was just on vacation or something and this is the longest I have ever gone without seeing her and that really hit me yesterday.
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I work in a pharmacy and we have heard great things about Chantix. It seems to work wonders for some of our patients. Check with your insurance first because alot of them require a prior authorization before they will pay for it (without ins, it costs about $115.00 a month). I quit about 8 years ago and it was so hard. Keep up the good work and take it one day at a time.
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oh my gosh it almost like listening to myself. Tommorrow will be 3 weeks since my mom passed away and i every day I think of the pain she was in and how she had given up the fight before we did. She was ready to go sooner than she did but she fought because we werent ready to let her go, I think that if I didnt insist that she go for the last round of chemo then she might still be here because that made her so sick and weak. She had asked us numerous time to "leave her alone" and we still nagged her about eating,drinking etc. On the days that she was exahusted i made her get out of bed cuz I thought she would feel better if she was up(now I think that maybe I just felt better if she were up). We had to make the decision to take her off the machines and stop all treatment and I had to be the one to point out to my family that she wouldnt want to continue living if she were like that. I feel like I gave up on her and I was the one who fought hardest in the begining
People keep telling me that the pain will lessen with time and I do hope that is true but for now i agree with you that today is no easier than it was on the day she died. I do find some comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain and that she is in heaven watching over us. I hope that you can find some comfort in the fact that people who have been in our shoes have made it through.
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I love it. It helps to think they are watching us from the stars
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I love it. It helps to think they are watching us from the stars
which is worse
in GRIEF
Posted
Thank you ll so much for putting things into perspective for me. You are right of course, if I did things different then I would be ???? that also. It just seems like we had such a short time with her and I feel like there are so many things I didnt say or do because I wanted to wait till she was feeling better. And now I am so afraid that all I will remember are the months that she was sick when the reality of it is that I had 42 awesome years with her. I think today I will take out some photos and just remember the good times.
Thanks for listening
Cheryl