[from the sea! This will make YA laugh!]

Thanks Randy absolutely brill.

[Confucious]

Now thats what I call funny-thanks for my smile

[eric the red -Have you heard the one about-]

Phone answering machine message-

If you want to buy marijuana-

press the hash key.

A guy walked into a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.

The Shrink says "Well,I can clearly see your nuts"

I went shopping the other day to buy camouflage trousers,but couldnt find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of musli-a strong current pulled him in.

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled muscle.

Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly-so they lit a fire in their craft ,it sank,proving once and for all,you cant have your kayak and heat it'

Police interviewing the teller of the bank that has just been robbed by a slug and a snail "Oh where do I begin-it all happened so fast"

Doc I cant stop singing "The Green Green Grass of Home"

Hmm That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Is it common?

Well-Its not unusual.

Doc to patient, go over to that window and put out your tongue.

"Are you checking to see if its coated?"

No-I just dont like the guy who lives across the street.

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet "My dog is cross-eyed is there anything you can do for him?

The vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes ,then checks his teeth,Finally he says "I am going to have to put him down"

"What" says the man "Because he is cross-eyed?"

No,because he is really heavy.

[eric the red- Lung Cancer Advocate in the news]

Hi Buddies,

Why do I always press the submit button first then read the mailing afterwards?

I have of course ommitted how to read my story

Go on to Google and type in eric byrne airdrie and it should appear.

Bye.

[eric the red- Lung Cancer Advocate in the news]

Hi Buddies,

Thank you for your messages of encouragement particularly KatieB ,WOW!!!

My story was part of a two page spread,sharing my platform were two famous soccer stars (well at least in Scotland)one player was from Celtic and one from Rangers,teams that are known in the UK as the "Old Firm".

We are launching a campaign called "Glasgoals",urging the readership to give up smoking,our goal is for one million less cigarettes being smoked by Glaswegians over the next year.

My story is being used I think in a an edited version positive way,that lung cancer can happen to you.You can read an edited version of my story,minus one page-including my headline "The doctor said I had two years to live"also my photograph underlined with the quote-"Eric Byrne proved his docters wrong"

Since my story appeared I have had to accept with a smile,the ribbing not just from my students but from my colleagues,one of whom has sketched a portrait of me,with a certain likeness,and posted it to everyone on the internal email,underlined with the caption I will sign autographs for £20 which of course is rubbish,it is actually £25.

Bye for now,

Eric Byrne

[eric the red- Lung Cancer Advocate in the news]

Hi Buddies,

My story in your website has aroused some interest here in the UK,Susan Christie of the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation ,has been in contact with me,and has redrafted my story and projected me as a cancer advocate to be published in their magazine/newsletter.

The Roy Castle publication appears monthly,and is circulated to every to every Hospital,Cancer Centre and Lung Nurse in the United Kingdom,it will also appear on the Roy Castle website.My story will appear in the April edition.

I have also been contacted by Ann Fotheringham of the Glasgow Evening Times (which is a very popular newspaper here in Scotland)who having read the Roy Castle draft of my story,wants to feature me in another article she is preparing for the UKs National No Smoking Day,so I had a telephone interview with Ann, Saturday last and met with the Times photographer at my work on Monday to take some pics of me for the story.Fortunately my students were not around for this photo shoot as I was embarressed enough,posin like a "Haddie".

The feature forms the launch of a year long campaign,to encourage Glaswegians to smoke one million cigarettes less from now to March 2011.

I can assure you that I will not let this new found fame,go to my head I will still talk to you ordinary buddies out there.

Kind Regards,

Eric Byrne.

[Possible lung cancer]

Hi Gemma,

I have recently arrived at LCSC,and have received the warmest of welcomes,I know you have come to the right place for the support and encouragement you need.When I was diagnosed,my brain went into overdrive,I imagined all sorts doom and gloom situations,however nothing close to my imaginings became a reality,in fact ,despite my diagnosis,I have gained so many improvements in my life.

My thoughts of course will be with you and your husband on Tuesday,just know you will not be there on your own,I pray that the outcome will be better than you expect.

Kind Regards,

Eric.

[eric the red -cows have udders you know]

Hi Buddies,

I swear this is a true story.

Last year I took my wife Sally for a drive through some of Scotlands most beautiful countryside,on passing a field my wife said "O look at the lovely cows in the field over there"well I may be a lifelong urbanite,but I do know some things about rural life,so I couldnt resist correcting her mistake,Sally said I,these are not cows,they are bullocks

adding,wheres the udders,she replied oh they are up the field a bit.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be a circus performer,well he went into the big top for a job interview with the ringmaster.

Well said the ringmaster what can you do?

Watch said the man,he started to flap his arms furiously up and down and his feet left the ground ,he took off upwards then flew a complete revolution of the big top he then landed gently in front of the ringmaster.

The ringmaster looked at him and said"Can you do anything other than bird impressions"

The bank has just been robbed and the police are interviewing the teller.

Policeman- Can you tell me what happened?

Teller - Yes,I have just been robbed by an elephant and a kangaroo.

Polliceman- Describe what happened

Teller - Well the elephant came up to the counter and told me this is a stick up,put all the money on the countertop,which I did,he then slid his trunk through my screen and sucked up all the money,and blew it into the kangaroos pouch,they then hopped and ran out the door.

Policeman- Would you recognise them if you seen them again?

Teller - -No

Policeman- Why not ?

Teller- Because they had silk stockings over their heads.

[eric the red-my story]

Big Hello to my American Cousins,

Relax my name is not a statement of my political persuasion but a nickname one of my work colleagues gave

me years ago.My name is Eric Byrne I am Scottish, 60 years young,

married to Sally with a grown up daughter Jennifer,who is an actress(check out her web site in google,shes the one from Glasgow)

In October 2008 I developed a slight cough I also would find traces

of blood in my handkerchief after blowing my nose,I ignored this,but my

daughter, unknown to me made an appointment for me to attend my doctor,she found my chest a s clear as a bell,but just to please my daughter,she arranged

for me to have a chest x-ray.Following my x-ray,I was requested to

attend my doctors surgery,for feedback on my results,standard

procedure thought I,nothing to concern me.Entering the doctors surgery

he told me that my upper right lung had deflated,collapsed,totally

puzzled I enquired,what could cause this?Do you smoke? he asked.

No need for further conversation,I had been struck with a

thunderbolt,a thousand questions flooded into my brain,Lung Cancer ?

a death sentence ,why me? I didnt even smoke until my late twenties,

not even cigarettes,just small cigars of the mild variety.I looked at the

doctor,he was so relaxed, so at ease with himself,so lacking in empathy,

you would have thought he was talking to a turnip.He suggested further

tests,this may take some time,desparation creeping in on me,would going

private, speed things up I asked,yes he said but it could be expensive.

I drove home in a dream,broke the bad news to my wife and

daughter,I still had some hope that the tests may come up with some

less serious reason for my collapsed lung.Alas no,following my tests

my results confirmed I had a cancerous tumour in my upper right lung.

My treatment consisted of four cycles of neo-adjuvant chemotherapy ,a

cocktail they dont serve in any bar, called sysplatin and vinorobean,this

was fed into me intraveneously over a twelve hour period.Thanks to

the conversations I shared with other patients,this time passed quicky,

in fact I started to look forward to my chemo sessions.It always amazed

me,how many patients whose situation was worse than mine,are able

to look at the world and smile,when I compared myself to them,I always

came up short.

My wife worked full time,and would leave me some household chores to do,it was not enough to fill my day,I did go for walks,but I

was missing human company,Ineed to get back to work,so I went to

my doctor tell him my intentions,he asked me if my work is being covered,yes I replied,well let them get on with it and spend some

quality time with your wife,since you only have two years left(better get on with this letter)he added he had one prior patient who survived five years with lung cancer,what a character,but you are not him .When I recounted this to my oncologist,he was visibly shocked and said why would your doctor say this ,there are sometimes I despair for my

medical colleagues.

I sailed through the chemo without any side effects,not even

nausea.Feedback from my oncologist,that in all his years dealing with

lung cancer he had never seen such shrinkage in a tumour,and that

after only two cycles,he confirmed my suitability for sugery.

Dr Lumsden then went on to tell me that another hot spot

was identified by my pet scan,it was in my bowel,probably innocuous

he said,dont worry about it we will deal with this after your operation

in January 2009.However unknown to him,I was requested to attend

hospital on 23rd December for a colonoscapy,following the procedure

the doctor leaned over me and announced I cancer of the bowel.Panic,

that cannot be true my oncologist said lung cancer dosnt spread to the bowel,unless its another primary,well thats true but you do have another

primary its rare but it does happen,I will not operate on you until I am

convinced your lung operation was successful,I dont want to waste my

time.I left the hospital in a cloud,myself and family spent the worst Christmas you ever you could imagine.Early in January I received news

from the hospital that my bowel biopsy showed no cancer cells.Boy did

that cheer me up and in good time for my operation.

The operation was deemed successful,the surgeon did not

remove all my lung,just less than half, also one nearest lymph node.

My lung nurse came to my home a explained to me how the operation went ,to my wifes horror I asked her about buying a new

pair of black shoes,was it worth it in view of the time I have left.Eric

she said,I expect to come back in ten years to visit you.

The hospital requested my appearance with the bowel

surgeon,who described his intention to open me up on my left side

cut my bowel either side of the polyp remove it and rejoin my bowel,

if the cancer has sread he may have to exercise more of the bowel.

I woke after the operation,to feel my left side,nothing! no dressings?

surgeon arrives to tell me he was able to exercise my polyp from my

back passage,and how lucky I was,it was the size of a golf ball and if

left for anthor year I would have probably killed me.Thanks to my

lung cancer and having that pet scan-who knows?.Subsequent

tests of my polyp confirmed it was the most benign of the benign.

I returned to my work in March 2009,as a Senior Lecturer

in Design and Construction in a College of Further Education.On

arriving in my classroom my third year students were present and

asked me if have returned,I said Iam back for good,they burst into

a round of applause,which I can still hear to-day.

I am now back at work almost a year,I am blessed with good

health,and hoping to prove to my doubting doctor I am staying put

not for two years or five years,I think Ill stay for twenty, god willing.

Thank you if youve read this far,

Kind Regards,

Eric Byrne.