Suzie Q
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Posts posted by Suzie Q
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Sorry to hear about the progression, but happy you downed your chemo "cocktail" with aggression and determination!
Go give cancer h e double toothpicks!
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Please accept my deepest sympathies.
~Karen
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I have such great sympathy for you right now, as I walked your walk just last year.
I, too, lost both of my parents within 13 weeks of one another. The feeling of loss and sense of being without both of my life guides is indescribable.
You have much ahead of you. Do not hesitate to return here for support.
My best to you and your family.
~Karen
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I'm confidently betting on the 50% cure!
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She's gone
in GRIEF
Kelly, I am so saddened to read of your dear mom's passing. I know how lost you feel. Please accept my deepest sympathies.
~Karen
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How beautiful to promote what she so believed in!
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Deepest condolences to you and your family.
~Karen
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Rochelle, I know well how hard that first one can be. This is my second Mothers' Day without my mom, and it did go much better than last year. Why not buy a card anyway, and take it out to the cemetary to read it to her, or write a letter you can take there? Sometimes some sort of "ceremony" helps us to get through...
The good memories WILL return. I promise. Until then, be good to yourself. You have been through soooo much for someone so young, and I wish for you all the wonderful, sweet memories return soon.
Many hugs,
Karen
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Congratulations, Val, Mr. Val, and Carolyn!
I just love her "no-nonsense attitude" pointing index finger!
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I hope you can find some smiles of remembrance amid the tears this Mothers' Day. The first one is so, so hard...
Hugs,
Karen
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Kelly, I'm so saddened that you are at this point of the journey. Your mom has climed every mountain before her; this is just a different mountain to ascend.
I wish your mom, you, and your family much grace as you face this together.
~Karen
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Sounds like your mom could benefit from Tegederm on the tailbone area. It's an adhesive barrier that will help prevent bedsores. Try a pillow under her knees, too. it may help take the pressure off that spot. Other than that, just get her to shift position from one side to the other as frequently as possible. They told us to change Dad's position every 2 hours, but it was hard to do. We just did the best we could.
blessings,
Karen
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Sorry you received confirmation of the bad news, but it is good that you now have a plan of action, and soon you'll put on your game face to do battle, right beside your dear father.
Statistics don't mean a lot in prognosis. Remember that it is just an average number. Every single cancer patient has very individualized circumstances, which all play in their longevity. HAVE HOPE!
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Cell Phone
in GRIEF
Did you try to call your own cell phone? Maybe someone will answer and you may still get it back!
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Val, I think that letting the children decide is no solution at all. You are just deferring the decision to your kids. What a horrible pressure to put them under!
Children emulate what they are taught, and your children will call their grandparents and step-grandparent whatever name you offer to them, OR whatever name they are asked to use. Don't leave this issue in a place where it can become a nitpicky battleground for all of you. I would hate to see that happen, especially if it came to pass that the children were instructed by the grandparents to use one term in their presence and another in yours...
Your dad was sensitive enough to ask you before insinuating the name into the kids' vocabulary, and that is a blessing. I bet Shari will be receptive to a conversation about this, and you two will come up with something that satisfies everyone. Probably not to perfection, but doable.
Yes, this is an emotionally-charged issue, much the same as what to call the in-laws. Many, many folks refuse to call anyone other than their parents "mom and dad"; that is ok. So let's look at other possibilities.
Any chance you have an ethnic name for "grandma" that might work? In Dutch, it's "Oma" and in Polish, it's "Busia"; you get the idea. Maybe Shari's heritage will lead you to a name you can both accept.
As a side note...
Let's all be friends here. Don't go throwing daggers at Val for expressing her distress with this issue. She has NOT indicated that she is ungrateful that the kids will have a grandmother-figure. She seems accepting of her SM stepping into the role. But the pain of her loss is still raw and magnified by currect events. No matter what she has shared with us here on this forum, Val has been able to step up and be "the better person" and do the right thing with regard to her dad moving on with his life. She has put her feelings aside because of what is best for her dad and for her daughter. At some point, she has to stand up and allow her own feelings and preferences be known, and not just to an anonymous forum. I think she is being very mature, logical, and methodical in her thinking, and have no doubt that she will find a way to make this work.
Many blessings to you, Val, and to your new little one too! Hope all goes well with the birth.
Hugs,
Karen
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You will do it when you are ready. It's not a weird thing to be reluctant to separate yourself from your loved one's personal posessions. Don't let anyone tell you different!
~Karen
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My dad had to take Kwestron to bulk up his stool...it did not work for him as hoped, but it does help some folks. Seems counterproductive to add fiber because it's what helps constipation, yer ironically, it helps the diarrhea as well. Liquid immodium worked a bit better for Dad, because his digestive tract had little time to dissolve the pills. But don't go trying several remedies at once, or you'll never know what worked and what didn't! And always consult a doctor first.
Often the oncologists do not provide great recommendations for these side effects. You might benefit from an inquiry to the PCP (primary care physician) or ask to see a digestive diseases specialist. And who knows? Someone here had success with lowering the dose of Tarceva! Ask the onc about that, too!
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Have her sign a medical power of attorney ASAP. She will be able to designate the person she wants as the one to make medical decisions for her in the event she is unable to do so herself. It may also include specifics as to whether she wants to be on a vent. She also must inform her family as to whether she wants any resuciative efforts made if she should go into cardiac arrest. If she assigns you as her POA, then you can override your aunts' wishes if your mother becomes incapacitated, but you cannot override your mom's wishes if she is of sound mind to do so, no matter who may be influencing her.
Maybe a family meeting is in order, where you could facilitate a discussion as to what your mom wants and how each family member will support that and what roles thay will play in her care. But realize, too, that her reluctance may be her non-confrontational way of telling you she's too scared to make the decisions for treatment and so she is "letting" her sisters make those decisions by default.
It's a very tough discussion to have, and frankly, some feelings will be hurt. But the bottom line is that your mom has the right to decide how she wants her cancer treatment to go and how she wants to spend her days, and everyone must respect that.
~Karen
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Hope you are able to enjoy sweet memories of your love. Happy anniversary (and I mean it in the best way)!
Hugs,
Karen
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It is difficult to walk the line between supportive reminders and nagging. But you seem to have good communication with your mom, and it's good that you were able to get her to open up about what was bothering her.
Between the radiation and the chemo, the taste buda and the esophagus really take an assault. Let her eat whatever sounds good, even if it's ice cream! Try to fortify her foods with instant breakfast mix or Ensure or Boost milkshakes. Maintaining adequate fluid intake is the imperative thing. Some people like flavored water, Gatorade, tea; so whatever it takes...
But do let her know you realize how hard she's trying, and ask her how you can best help her without putting too much pressure on her to perform. I'm not saying that's what you are that, though! I'm sure you are being a really great support person. Keep up the good work.
~Karen
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Here's to Frank!
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Sorry to hear this news, Geri, but you go get your suit of armor on and go do battle! We'll be right there beside you!
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Unfortunately, as we age and/or become ill, our negative personality traits become amplified. So you have to face the reality that your mother will not become a positive person. You will never get accolades for being a devoted daughter from her.
You can, however, get a counselor who can help you figure out how you can respond to her without getting into a cycle of negatives. Clearly, you need an outlet for your frustration, and it is imperative that you tend to this or you will end up like a great number of caregivers - with severe health issues of your own and/or a shortened lifespan.
I don't particularlu care for your choice of topic title, but I also know that you are venting, and sometimes that can result in saying or writing things that are hurtful. Trust me, you do not want to be the person with stage IV cancer, no matter what type. Nevertheless, I can overlook it for now.
Lori made a very good suggestion. You should check into the gerontology services in your mom's area. Often, they can provide a few hours of home or health help per week at a low or no cost; that would keep you from shelling out so much of your own money. Plus, she's disabled. Is she entitled to more services at Medicare or Medicaid expense? What about assisted living - not the same as nursing home, but maybe if she had some companionship, she wouldn't call you with every complaint. She's bored and lonely.
Anyway, I hope you get some assistance. If you don't, the bitterness will eat you alive...
~Karen
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So sorry for your loss.
white counts question
in MEMBER UPDATES
Posted
My dad's neutrophils actually reached negative numbers (how that is possible, I'll never know)! The hospital staff will institute precautions as necessary.
Hope the numbers come up soon!