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Suzie Q

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Posts posted by Suzie Q

    6 Days

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Kim,

    You have already lost your day, and now your mom. Losing your last parent often really slams people to the ground, and you do feel lost. Which is to be expected, because in reality you are now an adult orphan.

    It takes time to work through all of this, trite as it sounds. But I'm certainly no authority on this as I'm just 8 months out...Mom passed away in April and we hit the one year mark for my Dad's death on Monday.

    Big hugs to you.

    ~Karen

    Anger is setting in

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Oh, Nick!

    It is just so WRONG that you and your future kids have been cheated out of that generational link. I was so angry, too, when my mom was diagnosed, because within days, we were leaving to visit our daughter, whom we would later adopt, for the first time. We debated just cancelling the whole thing for about a millisecond...well ok, not at all. And our dear little girl lit up my mom's eyes! But I grieved for her loss and my mom's loss. My youngest daughter is 3 1/2, and will probably retain no real memories of her grandmother, and my oldest is 5 1/2, and her ability to remember Grandma Barb (and Grandpa Jim, as he predeceased my mom by 3 months) is questionable at this age.

    But it is what it is.

    Don't berate yourself for delaying childbearing. Just live with the decisions you have made and go on from there. You had valid reasons for making that decision, and they were made based on what you knew at that time. Too much time is wasted looking back wondering, "what if.."could be spent in fond remembrance of "what was."

    I so hope this pregnancy continues in good health. Congratulations on the positive preg test! :D

    Redards,

    Karen

    Radiation When will it stop

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    Ask your doctor about oral lidocaine. It is supposed to numb the esophagus when you swallow. My friend's son needed this for post-surgery throat irritation from being intubated.

    Magic mouthwash helps a lot of folks, too. It contains other ingredients to help with mouth/throat soreness. You have to ask your doctor for a prescription...they usually know what you're referring to. It's mixed by the pharmacist and I don't know the proper name for it.

    Hope you get to have that burger soon!

    Karen

    Is there something wrong with me?

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Rochelle,

    It is very normal to feel numb. I felt like I was going through the motions for much of the first few months. I lacked the motivation to get mom's condo cleaned out & repaired to prep it for sale...and here we are, 8.5 months later, and it still is not listed, though we have had a few interested parties go through it.

    It's so hard. I felt guilty that I didn't break down more, but I came to realize that grief is a slow process for some people, and an ongoing process for everyone. I'm now getting closer to anniversary dates, and I'm having some really low times.

    If you feel the need, most hospice organizations offer support groups, usually free of charge. Do take advantage of that, and always know you are welcome here! We're with you on this hourney.

    hugs to you,

    Karen

    Back to wonder!!!

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Any reason why he can't ave a CT scan or ultrasound of the abdomen? I would be concerned about being put off until February. Surely they can investigate this further!

    As an aside, is he by chance constipated? That can cause a lot of belly pain, too. My MIL was hospitalized with that recently.

    ~Karen

    Any one heard of hyperthermia?

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    My mom was thinking about investigating this, but then my dad's melanoma returned with a vengence and she ended up being his caregiver, so she dropped the idea entirely.

    I know it is done in Germany. It's called whole body hyperthermia, and it is done in conjunction with herbal therapy. I do not know of any place here in the US that it may be done, but then, this was 2 years ago.

    As I recall, it would involve a stay of several weeks.

    ~Karen

    I need tough advice

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    I think you already know in your heart the answer to this dilemma.

    Do consult with his oncologist about this. Perhaps the two of you can give him the full scope of his disease together.

    I agree, he has a right to know that a cure is truly unlikely, and at this point, he may be on chemo for the remaining days. Therefore, he has to decide how he wishes to spend those days. Of course, if he has previously stated that he does NOT want to know, then you respect his wishes.

    Keeping you in my prayers, Flowergirlie.

    Karen

    What to do for people who are grieving?

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Andrea,

    You've been given very good suggestions already. You might consider giving the "big brother" gifts anyway. After all, the babies were born and should be acknowledged. Plus, the remaining twin seems to be holding his own.

    Do they neeed help wrapping any last minute Christmas gifts, buying any last minute groceries? Even something as small as running the vacuum or picking up toys, etc can be a big help. Offer something concrete, as opposed to "if you need anything, call me." I tended to accept the specific offers of help (plus, they are harder to refuse).

    Bless you for your kind, tender heart!

    ~Karen

    Caring for Mom

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Definitely get your mom to add your name to the people with whom her case can be discussed in regards to the oncologist's office. She may have already done so. While you are home, call and talk to one of the nurses and explain your situation, and that you would like updates from them and how you would like to receive the updates.

    I do not know how complicated your mom's care is, but just try to be as methodical as you can, writing every med dispensed and the time, etc in a notebook. This is so helpful when there are multiple caregivers, and hopefully someone will be able to relieve you for a few hours.

    We're always here for you.

    Bless you for caring for your mom.

    ~Karen

    Bro and family coming in from Florida/UPDATED

    in HOPE

    Posted

    So glad you have family coming to visit! Please stop stressing out!

    Call them to find out airport transportation arrangements. Let them handle the details of getting friends to drive them to/from airport if possible. If they can't, and they don't want to rent a car, THEN you can do it. But don't take on extra stuff now if you don't have to.

    What's wrong with having visiting family cook a meal for YOU? maybe they can show off some skills and impress everyone!

    Start asking friends and neighbors if they have an extra crib or Pack and Play (playpen). You'd be surprised how many of those are hidden away for "someday." All you gotta do is ask.

    Give the baby hugs and smother her with kiddes!

    Enjoy!

    ~Karen

    Husband lost his battle

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Sending my condolences for your the pain this loss has created. I know too well how little comfort there was in the well-intended platitudes. The loss is there, whether your loved one is "in a better place" or not..it just plain HURTS.

    I pray for peace and healing for you.

    ~Karen

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