I'm so glad I found this group.
My mom's health has been deteriorating since my dad passed away three years ago. She is very opinionated (she was a red-head) and tells me that doctors can't do anything for you...that all they want is to do surgery...and that kills you.
Once, several years ago, she had pneumonia and refused to see the doctor until she was very ill. The doctor's office was very overbooked, but agreed to see her the same day I called. When we arrived, she was so sick and uncomfortable, she walked out of the examination room and went to the car. I explained to the doctor that she was sick and impatient and he actually went out to the car to try to examine her.
He was that concerned for her, but my mother refused to be examined, even outside in the car.
When she most recently coughed up what appeared to be a blood clot, I tried being direct and firm. "Mom, you are coughing up blood--that's serious...let's go see a doctor." But she basically refuses to acknowledge it's blood. Often, its discolored (brown, speckeldy, or yellowish)....and she totally attributes the discoloration to whatever food she's claimed she's eaten that day. When I mention doctor, she says I "better not start that..."
I generally don't believe it's food because when she coughs, it sounds as though the junk is coming from her lungs....not her stomach (if that makes sense).
One of the reasons that I am hesitant to drive her to see a doctor...or directly to the ER...is that I believe she will refuse treatment...and even worse, I believe she will refuse to come back to Texas (where the rest of my sibs are) in the fall. (She stays in WV for half the year and TX the other half.) I really don't think her health would survive winter in WV and I would be scared to death if she were living by herself.
Although she hasn't been in terrific health for a while, I am just very worried/concerned about her. She looks terrible to me...and I don't really know how to explain it...but she just looks awful. She seems to take Tylenol Flu constantly....and a barrage of vitamins (which also leads me to think she doesn't feel well...because she usually doesn't take medicine unless she is very sick).
What baffles me most...is the way she is coping with sickness. People will ask her how she is, she replies "great." She found out I told by brothers and sisters that I believed she was coughing blood and I was worried; her response was "so you think i'm going to die?" (which made me feel terribly guilty...but I am scared here by myself and I don't want my sibs to blame me if something bad does happen.) And when I try to express my concerns, she tells me I'm crazy.
Yet, she will talk to our dogs...and tell them she's not feeling so great. She will tell me that she is very tired. And she makes comments about death a lot. When a friend recently came by to visit, she whispered to me, "don't tell her I'm sick; I don't want it all over town."
So it's all very hard for me to understand. Sometimes, I do feel crazy....like maybe I am overly sensitive or maybe I just worry too much. But I have been sporadically keeping a diary about her health over the past three weeks and I don't think I am exaggerating what happens when I reread my old entries. I am generally not a morbid person, but I find myself sort of rehearsing what I will do if something goes wrong. And, at the same time, I feel guilty for having such morbid thoughts---like maybe I am bringing this on myself, and her, somehow.
I am scared. I am 29 years old and I lost my dad three years ago. And the truth is, I understand it might not be cancer...but everything I've read seems to fit...and what if it is? Or, even if it isn't, and it is something else...she looks so terrible that I believe it is something bad.
I am rambling...sorry this is like a seven-page long post.
Thank you again for your replies.