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stand4hope

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  1. Hi Kasey, I just logged on for the first time in FOREVER and your post was right on top. It's so, so good to see you are well. Congratulations on 6 years! Love, Peggy
  2. I am moved to tears. Thank you all for remembering me on this sad day. Four years. Seems like yesterday. My son and I put flowers, beautiful gladiolas, on Don's grave last night. Yesterday, he would have been 61, and on this date he died. I hate/love August 4 and August 5. A good time to remember the good times, but a sad time as well. I miss him so much. I seem to have digressed this past year back into grieving. I met with a pastor and he said it's probably because of the stroke. Not only am I feeling so alone, but weak and scared about the future. I'm a fighter, as you know, so I am seeking out people that can help me and finding activities to really start a new life. Someone in a meeting I attended said that sometimes to recover and start a new life takes more than fixing, changing, remodeling, etc. She said sometimes it takes complete demolition. I think she might be right. I love you all so much and know that most of you are dealing with the same emotions and ups and downs as I am, and some are having a really hard time. I have learned to trust God to be at the steering wheel and take each day as it comes knowing that my favorite verse, Romans 8:28, is truth. I love you all! Peggy
  3. Pat, Sorry I'm so late to reply. I haven't been here much the past couple of years. I'm coming up on four years, Pat, and it still hurts. I am so sorry that you are so sad. Grief recovery is different for everyone as we've all been told over the years. I wish I could give you some tip, some formula or magic potion to make the pain go away, but I can't. Don't be hard on yourself, Pat. If you are still in the pits - that's where you are. It's ok. I do pray that God will send you someone or something to lift you up and out of the pit and set you free. Loving and living with someone for so many years isn't an easy thing to just move on from. Hang in there, girlfriend. Love, Peggy
  4. stand4hope

    Hello

    Most of you don't remember me, but I'm dropping in to say hello anyway. I got some PMs from some of you this morning, and it was so good to hear from you. Things are going ok for me, one day at a time. I am doing so much better dealing with grief, but I still have my moments. There are some things I just can't say or do without tears. I can freely and easily talk about Don, funny things he said or did, etc., but I still can't talk about him being gone without choking up. Since I had the stroke on Dec. 21, 2007, my life has changed in many ways, but for the most part, I'm doing great! I'm about 80% back with everything. It affected my right side. I'm still partially handicapped, but am working, walking and doing almost everything I did before. I can't walk long distances without my walker, but 99% of the time I walk without assistance. I hire someone to do the things I can't do, but I give it the old college try before I call for help. I drive and got my typing back just fine. I have a little trouble writing, but do a pretty good job if I go slow. I can't lift a full coffee pot without it shaking violently, though. I'm going to ask the neurologist about that on my next appointment. My son is not well. He is still an active alcoholic and has many, many health issues - physical and mental. It's so sad for someone so young. He will be 32 next month. I joined Al-Anon in January and oh my, it has helped ME so much. They teach you that you didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. You learn to put the focus on yourself and what you CAN change. I've learned so much and am beginning to feel happy again. For those of you just beginning the grieving process, I am so sorry. There is just no way to get through it other than to let yourself feel it. There are no magic words or miraculous moments, it just has to take its very painful time. Sending you all my love, Peggy
  5. That's easy. After Don died, I bought my son a Harley to ease his pain. All it has done is increase mine. WHAT AN IDIOT! Hi Ann..... It's so cool that you are still doing the Getting to Know You. It's been a long time. Drop me a PM and let me know how you're doing. Love, Peggy
  6. Hi Beck, Yeah! It's really me. I'm still kickin' and SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU ARE, TOO! Way to go, girlfriend. I think you've got this monkey beat. Love and hugs, Peggy
  7. I still have credit cards that I haven't changed - just lazy! The only one I still use that has Don's name on it is JC Penney. We had a Sears credit card in joint names. I called repair for service on our lawn tractor and said my husband couldn't do it because he had died. About 2 months later I got a letter in the mail that the credit card was canceled because the primary cardholder was deceased. Had that card for 35 years! I was the one that always paid it. Boy was I ticked!!!!! Don had some stock options from his company, but they are WAY below the price they were given, so they're worthless, and, like Ginny, I've just procrastinated getting them changed because they want a ton of paperwork. Love, Peggy
  8. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Atta girl! All my love, Peggy
  9. stand4hope

    My Aunt

    Dear Tina, I'm so sorry for yet another loss in you're life! You've had a rough time the past few years! I sure hope you have some things to celebrate in the future -- like grandbabies!! All my love, Peggy
  10. THANK YOU! It's so good to hear from all of you. Becky called me. She's doing great, just real busy. I know, Rochelle, I get it! It stinks! All of us will agree to that! Beth, I'll call you soon. I will be off at least two more weeks until I finish outpatient rehab. I would love to get together if you're passing through. I'm hoping to be able to drive by the end of next week. I just don't feel strong enough to try it yet. Maryanne, I'm the one in short brown hair with burgandy sweatshirt with big white V, the 5th and 6th picture down from the top holding a big plate of low fat food (yeah right!). You all take care of yourselves! Love, Peggy
  11. stand4hope

    Update on me

    Hello everyone! Long time no see, huh? Since today is my last birthday in my 50's , I thought I'd drop in and say hello! I have had a challenging 2007, but those that know me know I come out of hard times with boxing gloves on. After seeing my son some suffer terrible attacks of pancreatitis, my mild heart attack in July and two stents, BLAM on Dec. 21 I had a stroke. What a crummy Christmas! I sent an email to Snowflake last week, but oddly, didn't get a response yet. Is she ok? I'm worried about her! The grieving is still there, but less meltdowns. I had a particularly hard time missing Don when I had the stroke. I so much needed his strong arms around me! Rochelle, how's it going, sweetie? I've read some of your posts, but didn't see much on how you're coping. Beth, Tina, JC, Lynne, Paddy, Ginny, Teri, Sue, etc., etc., etc. How are you doing? It's going on 2 1/2 years for me, and it really is getting easier. I had a 40-year high school reunion party at my house before Thanksgiving and it was absolutely the best, best party ever. You can follow this link to see a few pictures http://pike1967.blogspot.com . I've got tons more pictures to add to it, but didn't get them up yet because of the stroke. It's still kind of hard to type. I use mostly my left hand, so I'm just going to copy what I sent to Becky about the stroke so don't have to type it all again! I was in hospital a week and a rehab hospital another week. Right side affected, speech is ok – no mouth droop, but right arm, hand and leg are taking a lot of work. Going to outpatient rehab twice a week via a taxi service the rehab hospital uses and doing lots of exercises at home. I’m right handed and just today am using my right hand a little to type, but I went from over 100 words per minute to about 20! I’m feeling great and in good spirits. Can’t drive yet, but hope to in a couple of weeks. Using a rolling walker to get around and am now starting to walk slowly without it a little bit. Mike has been great and very helpful, as well as sister and friends have been cooking for me. YUM!!! They are doing shopping, too. Hope to hear from you soon! Love to all, Peggy
  12. I guess I did it two days early. I took homemade chicken vegetable soup and homemade double chocolate chip cookies to an 82-year-old widow friend who is not well and currently a shut-in. She was thrilled! Peggy
  13. Gotcha! When Don was in the Army in OJT in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma in 1969, I couldn't find work. Companies did not want to hire transients for sure. I finally applied for a job at the NCO Club as a cocktail waitress. It lasted for three weeks until Don got in a fight at the Club with somebody that pinched my you know what. Hee hee! I ironed officer's fatigues for the rest of our stay in Oklahoma until Don went to Viet Nam. Got 50 cents a shirt and 50 cents for pants - including starch! Love, Peggy P.S. My lie was that I drink green tea. I hate it!
  14. Ok, I gotta do this, too. Nanci, I'm guessing you did not run into Susan Sarandon. 1. I drink a lot of green tea. 2. I have been a cocktail waitress. 3. I was a high school cheerleader. Peggy
  15. stand4hope

    A Sudden Shift

    Teri, There is one more thing I wanted to add about your comment that your emotions are always on the surface. I had and still have to this day that very same "problem". I put problem in quotes because I I'm not sure that's the right word. It seems that since Don died my emotions are always "on the surface", like the tears are just laying there at my eyes and they spill out over any bad news and even good news. Even though I have always been an emotional person, it is now much more profound. I think it's a little better today than a year ago, but it still takes very little for tears to appear, and I'm not talking about my grieving for Don - it's anything sad or happy. If I hear that someone lost a loved one, if someone is glowing because they have a new grandbaby, if I make a mistake on my job, I really have to fight back the tears. I am curious to know if any of the others are like that, too. Love, Peggy
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