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Everything posted by lilystemp

  1. Good morning everyone. I had to stop in for a minute and take advantage of Katie's hard work. "Look no spammers!" Spent the morning with my daughter and will be leaving soon for McKenna's first Birthday party. Hard to believe it has been a year already sense she was born. She is so sweet and precious. Next year when I come their will be 2 more. My family is growing by leaps and bounds! One week from today at this time I will have just boarded the train for my trip home. This I dread leaving my family but look forward to being home and getting back to my own things and my own routine. It is never easy those feelings of being torn from one place to another but while here it just becomes so clear to me that I am not ready to move back here for so many reasons. I hope all are well and hope to read a lot in the good news forum when I get home. Take care and bless you all.
  2. I wrote this a couple of years ago and posted it. I just found it again and decided it would be a good way to pass my Christmas and New Year wishes on to all of you. You have always been there for me and as I post this about beauty I want you to all know that you too are a part of the beauty of life that I see I have so much to do and should be busy but until I get these thoughts down I can't seem to do anything else. A few years ago I went down to Bakersfield to visit a cousin I had never met. Sense then we have became very close and I visit her whenever I pass that way going to Louisiana or comming home. Something she said that first time didn't mean much to me then but yesterday I started thinking about it. She laughed when we were out riding around and said " you see beauty in everything". Yesterday that sentence came back to me and I started to examine what it meant because on my morning walk something caught my eye and I remarked to myself how beautiful it was. I was walking up the hill again for the first time in two months. After being sick and not much exercise in a while I knew it was time to start again. Recently we have had some rain and snow all around us. As I was walking I saw the crystal blue sky and the snow capped mountains all around. That sight alone can take my breath away but something else added to that beautiful feeling. Overhead a pair of Canadian Geese were trying to catch up with the ones that had gone by earlier and they were honking in their loudest voices. As I watched I remarked on how beautiful that scene was. That is when I remembered what Millie had said that time. It started me thinking. What is beauty? Wow! Beauty is everything and everywhere. It is the clear blue sky after a rain. It is the smell of the new damp earth after the first rain of the season. It is the smell of wood stoves rising in the cold morning air. Beauty is the sun rising over the mountains or up from the sea. It is the sun setting in one final blaze of glory before nightfall. Beauty is watching the trees and bushes turn to lace when the snow starts to fall. It is the wind whipping the colored leaves up and away in the fall. Beauty is snuggling beneath a warm blanket with a cup of hot cocoa or the smell of popcorn that fills the air. Beauty is the fog floating just above the bayou early in the morning. It is watching the spanish moss gently swaying in the breeze. Sitting with a line in the water and feeling that first small tug that tells you that a fish is interested is still another kind of beauty. Watching the Eagle soar high above still another. The smooth soft skin of a newborn baby and the feel of them grasping your finger is beautiful. The laughter of a child playing can fill your heart with beauty. The hug of a friend be it child or senior can spead a beautiful glow inside of us. Having someone tell you that they appreciate you or that your friendship is important to them are all a part of the wonderous thing we call beauty. The love in someone's eyes can leave a beautiful memory that lasts long after that person is gone. Even the pain of losing someone you love can eventually turn to a different kind of beauty. The memories of that person becomes so much more precious with time. I have learned that the more people I lose the more precious those memories are and how much beauty they contain. Even the memory of holding someones hand as they leave this world behind as painful as it is at the time will one day turn into a thing of beauty. Just knowing that you were there, that you shared that last breath will someday make a memory of great beauty. Watching your children and grandchildren grow and start their own families is a little sad but such a sense of pride and so beautiful. Even the natural disasters we hear of so often as horrific as they are can produce beauty. They teach us just how insignificant we are in size but also how signifcant we are to God. It is at those times that many people find the very best of themselves. There is no greater beauty than sharing the love that comes from God with people who are in such desperate need. So as this year winds down and the New Year approaches I will add one more reselution to the many I have already made. Yes I will try again to lose some of this weight I have gained. I will try to keep up the walking and exercise and watch what and how much I eat. I will try to be more frugal with my finances in this time of financial crisis that is all around us. I will relsove to do all of those things and I may come up short again but I will add one more even bigger resolution. I resolve to never stop seeing the beauty that surrounds us all everyday. Beauty of sight, sound and smell. Beauty of touch and emotions. All of these things are God's gift to us. I resolve to remember and in any small way that I can I will try to spread more beauty and remind everyone of just how fortunate we are to live in a world that though greatly flawed at times, is such a beautiful gift from God .Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone. You are all so beautiful!! it .
  3. lilystemp


    I saw your post on facebook Bud. Glad that you are home and all is well. One good thing came from your experience you know that there is no Cancer. That is always good.
  4. lilystemp


    Not sure how many of you have facebook. I have been following some posts from Bud and have learned that he has a problem with his lungs. The last I saw he is being tested for tuberculosis. Just thought I would mention it here because I don't see any posts about him. I am sure he can use many prayers right now.
  5. lilystemp


    I just saw this Donna and I am so happy for you. Wow 15 years that is just the greatest news and glad that your husband is kicking some cancer butt. I will be praying that his blood sugars stableize so he can continue defeating the monster.
  6. Hello from Louisiana. It is cold here now for the first time sense I got here a month ago tomorrow. I have enjoyed two days of just being lazy after a busy weekend of shopping with some of the younger ones. By Sunday evening I was a mess, sore back but most of all my poor feet. They felt like every bone in them was crushed. I guess that has to do with the gout even though I am not having an attack. I have had a flu shot every year for years. When I was working as a caregiver it was mandatory and sense then I have continued. I have not had the flu but once and it was bad. The thing is that year the ones who didn't get the shot were far worse off and many of them died. Last year I had the phneumonia shot too. I get a lot of sinus and sometimes a head cold but so far chest is always clear. Biggest problem is that everything and every medication affects the reflux. Dianne it sounds so beautiful with the snow all around. I can close my eyes and picture the mountains around Redding and Mt. Shasta and Mt. Lassen in the distance. They are always so beautiful in the winter. I love Trader Joes. They have things there that you don't find anywhere else. My problem is that I go there for one thing and leave with a cart full! Last night my son and I made a big pot of vegetable soup and an apple cobbler. They were both really good and perfect for a cold night. We are the only ones who eat either one so there are plenty of left overs. My granddaughter wants me to go to their house tomorrow night and fry chicken. She has always like my fried chicken best and last year I cooked it for her and her boy friend and now he is hooked too. I think we will do it tomorrow night because my son in law leaves to go off shore and my grandson will spend the night in New Orleans because his office party is after work tomorrow and Lera does not like to be home alone. I will more than likely spend Christmas weekend and Christmas Eve there with them. Things are a lot different but I guess we will all adjust in time. I have also learned that I will have not one but two more great grandbabies next year. My grandson Trent and his wife are expecting their first the end of July and my granddaughter Erica is expecting her third on August first. I will then have a total of 7 great grandchildren. I will have to really get busy when I get home. I have two more baby blankets to crochet and now I will have to finish the quilt I started for one and make 4 more in the next couple of years. They are coming so fast I can't keep up. Well enough for now. Have a great day everyone and I hope that you are feeling better Eric and Michelle.
  7. Good morning everyone. I am spending the weekend at my youngest son's house. He is getting things ready to head out to Mississippi to their deer camp. Sunday is my grandson's 16th birthday and he is hoping to kill a deer. He shot his first a little over a month ago and now he has deer fever! Weather here is very warm and humid. My sinus problem goes away during the day normally then comes back in the evening. It is bothering me more here. I am not sure if it is because of the cat in the house or something else. Ever sense they moved into this house 20 years ago I can smell gas the minute Iame and checked numerous times and never found a leak. I am extra sensitive to odors and always have been so I smell it the minute I walk in the door. They are used to it so don't notice it. I smell it and feel like I am breathing it in with every breath I take. I am hoping that is not my problem so I can spend more time here. I am really not sure about what we are doing for Christmas this year. Normally we would have a party at my daughters on Christmas eve and the whole family would be there then everyone would cook something and bring it there for Christmas dinner. Now with them seperated everything will be different. She doesn't live there, just my son in law and two of my grandchildren and my grandson's girl friend. My son in law goes off shore to work and will be gone for Christmas. While he is gone my daughter will be there for Chrismas morning with the kids and they want me to go too so I guess I will be there in the morning then here for dinner. I don't know when I will see my other son and his family. Not sure if they will be here for dinner or not. They may do a dinner at their house. My granddaughter and her family will be down too so not sure about the room situation., Life sure was simplar when they were together., I love my daughter and will stand by her no matter what but I know she is wrong. It has made it very hard for my grandchildren and my son in law. He and I have always been close. He already said I could stay there anytime but when the kids are working I think it would be akward and I don't want to make it any harder on anyone than it is already. Sorry about having so much to say. I guess I just need an uninterest party to talk to about all of this. My grandson and his wife are going to have a baby in July. It will be their first. They were afraid for a while that she would not be able to have a child because of health issues, one being scholiosis(sp). Needless to say we are all excited and a little worried too. Also my oldest grandson and his girl friend are having a house built. They started framing it up this week. He is really happy and excited. He worked so hard to get his degree and now has a great job in an accounting firm in New Orleans. I am very proud of and for him. Now I guess instead of going on so much about my family I should ask how all of you are doing and what traditions you have for the holidays and how have they changed in recent years? I do miss all of the baking and candy making that I used to do but with my back as bad as it is I doubt I could stand in one spot long enough anymore. I know that I will probably be testing it in the next few days because my granddaughter and her boy friend want me to make fried chicken for them. I don't know what it is about my fried chicken but they all swear it is the best. On tap later is a batch of chicken and cheese empanadas with my son's neighbor. She is going to buy all of the fixings and help me roll out the tortillas so it shouldn't be as hard as it usually is. Normally it takes me most of the day. Oh well have a great weekend everyone and Katie you are a good caring person and I know that siminar must have been a shock. Unfortunately their are many who do that and I know it was because of something like that that I lost Johnny far too soon. Doctors and nurses wanted to show him off as their prize patient until the anxiety started and they waited too long to address it. After that they just wanted to get rid of him. Ten years but I will never forget and my compassion has mulitiplied sense then.
  8. You keep so busy I don't know where you get the energy. I hope your cold is better soon. Please take good care of yourself my friend. Kind of slow here in Louisiana. My kids and grandkids are most all working during the week. I get a good visit with my daughter in law. They tell me I am not wearing out my welcome but at times I feel like I should give them more time without me but they won't say that. Normally I would spend some time at my daughters house with her husband while he is in from off shore but they are having problems and she has moved out. I stayed there with my grandkids while he was offshore. He had me over for dinner with them the night before Thanksgiving with him and the kids and that was nice. I love my daughter and will always stand by her but Brian and I have always been great friends so this is all hard. I don't want to make it akward for either of us. I spent the day with my youngest son yesterday and we really had a good visit. My daughter in law was at a holiday brunch with some friends from the float she rides in the Mardi Gras parade. My granddaughter spent the night at a girlfriends so it was just us and my grandson but he pretty much sticks to his room. He will be 16 on Sunday and is already towering over the whole family. My son is taking him to the deer camp for the weekend and I will miss them while I am there. My son smoked some ribs that were great but I think I spent too much time in the smoke because I was coughing again last night. Well it is time for me to finish paying my bills and get a shower so I am off of here. I made out ok with the 10 year aniversary of Johnny's death yesterday. I guess having so many other things on my mind helped ease that pain. Anyway have a great day everyone.
  9. lilystemp

    10 years

    John Fields March 15,1933---December 2,2002 Not a day goes by that I forget, you are always in my heart, always and forever my love. Where have the years gone? Seems like only yesterday that I could touch you and see that light in you honey gold eyes.
  10. Sorry to say that a lot of California is like that but there are many areas where that is not the case. I love where I live in Redding and the little town of French Gulch where I lived for a few years was even better. I always cooked large meals for holidays or just because I wanted to for some reason. I still cook some where I live but do miss the large meals I would prepare. Not sure I could handle that anymore because of my back. I just can't stand in one spot for more than a couple of minutes. I do make a mean vegetable soup. The one thing I don't do is put tomato in it. I don't like fresh tomatoes and with reflux I can only tolerate small amounts of tomato products. My soup is really good without it and I have a lot of neighbors who would swear to that.
  11. Yes Randy that is the song. Thank you. and thank all of you for being here. It always means so much. I see people struggle in their everyday lives and life can get so hectic that sometimes they forget what is most important. I hope that somehow my daughter and her husband will find their way back to one another. I have grown as an independant person and am proud of who I am and what I do but there are days when the need to have someone hold me share the small things that a couple do is almost overwhelming. I lost both men in my life and not a day goes by that I don't think of them.
  12. It is time for me to come here once again and make a post. It is hard to believe but I am living through the 10 year aniversary of all of the heartache and terrible things that happened that last long weekend of Johnny's life. Where did 10 years go? In some ways if seems a life time and in others only yesterday. I try not to dwell on the painful memories but they never seem to leave me be. They come at me out of nowhere. Last year I had planned to leave on my trip the aniversary of the Friday from hell 10 years ago. Instead of helping make it easier I lost my niece that night very unexpectantly form phneumonia. Now the 29th and 30th have double painful memories. Ten years ago today it was Thanksgiving and I will always know that what happened that day hastened Johnny's death. To this day I have never heard of a doctor giving morphine in a nebulizer like they did him that day.That was the start of the events that took his life that weekend. December 2nd it will be ten years that he left this world. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and wonder what our life could have been like. Still I know that it is time to think about his life and the few short precious months that we had together. Before I left home I went through my story and tore up the part about our life together. It was time. Time to make his life about living and how we loved one another instead of about his death. I will never forget what happened and there is a part of me that will never forgive the wrongs that I know were done to him but for the most part I have forgiven myself for what I thought were my mistakes and his family for not helping or spending more time with him. I have learned that I can forgive and it doesn't mean that I condone. The memories belong to me, I no longer feel the need to share them. I grieve for him and so many lost loved ones How can I not when they are so much a part of who and what I am? I just pray everyday that I can live in a way that they would be proud of me. As I watch my daughter struggle with the problems in her marriage and see what it is doing to her children and husband I can't help but think of an old song. Nothing can put things in perspective like an old country song. The name of the song is Chisled in Stone. One line says "you don't know about heartache of how long a night can be, you don't know about heartache until it is chilsled in stone". wow I am out of here. This just never gets easy.
  13. I am at my oldest son'e house. I have been spending most of my time here. My daughter in law is the only one who doesn't work. I normally stay at my daughter's but all of them work and she is having marriage probems. I went there the night before Thanksgiving with the kids and my son in law. He invited me but I don't stay there when he is home. He works offshore so is home for days and nights and gone for the same amount of time. I spent the weekend there with my grandkids but they were all heading back to work on Monday. It is not the best situation. I love my daughter and need to maintain my relationship with her but she doesn't say much if I don't ask. I only learned what is going on from my grandson and granddaughter. It is rough on all of us but I guess that is life. I did find out some good news. My grandson and his wife are expecting a baby. They have been married 2 years and were not sure if they could have a child. She has health issues. The congestion in my head seems to finally be getting better. I have slept the last two nights without having those 2 hour coughing fits. Post nasal drip with reflux can really do a number on me. I think today I am at the point where most of the congestion is gone but the tickle in my throat will throw me into fits of uncontrolable coughing. I hate that but know it is a sign that the problem is getting better. Yesterday I woke up to the rain and the sound of thunder. It rained off and on most of the morning but today the sun is coming out. Still pretty cool with a wind blowing. I know it is pretty cool and wet at home but so far that is all the rain sense I got here. As for the shopping I do very little. The kids all seem to be satisfied by getting me for Christmas. After paying for my trip each year I can not afford much more. Well Janet I hope all is going well and you get you chemo so you don't have to go back again. Saying prayers for you and all of the others who are dealing with LC every day. Time of year tells me it is time to post in the grieving foram. I hope you all have a great day. Stay warm,dry and healthy.
  14. Hi Eric and everyone. I decided to stop in for a little while. I have not been feeling up to par sense I arrived here last week. Seems the travel and climate change are not welcome by my sinuses. Still I am trying to get around with my family. Eric and Katie I am so sorry for your losses. It is so hard this time of year. I just hope you can all find a way to enjoy the holidays. It seems this time of year is destined to be a very emotional one for me. I keep thinking about what was going one 10 years ago on this date and then of coarse last year on one of the hardest aniversary days already we lost my niece suddenly to pneumonia. I am still having problems dealing with that so I do understand how it is for you. Things are not quite what I expected when I got here this year. It seems my daughter and son in law are headed for divorce. Some major issues and I am not too happy with my daughter right now but she is my daughter and I love her. She will be 50 next June so I keep thinking that maybe she is having a hard time facing that. At any rate dispite all of the bad things we do still have so much to be thankful for. I wish you all a happy and healty Thanksgiving and just know that all of you will be in my prayer of thanks. God Bless
  15. Cindy please feel free to get in touch with me. It has been 10 years but I did learn many lessons and I hope that some will be of help to you. We all have that frustration and sadly one of the side effects of cancer of any kind but especially lung cancer is personality changes in both the loved on and the caregiver. So much trama especially emotional trauma can cause havoc in a person's life. I am leaving tomorrow for a long trip but will be here off and on and will check my email. If you write to me please just make sure that you put the topic as LCSC message so I won't think it is spam. [email protected] or [email protected] God luck and please take care and don't give up on Hope it is the one thing that can keep you going. There is a post I wrote one time called a message for all new caregivers. Please if you can find it and read it until we can communicate. You will a find me sometime on Just for Fun forum. Saddly I have to tell you that we lost the lady who made this original post last week. Lillian
  16. I came here to read in part because I saw the post Randy put that was one of Sue's older posts and the new post of a caregiver who needs help. I am not sure how much help I can be but will try to reach out to her. Not too sure how that will be right now becaue I am leaving tomorrow and will be out of touch for a few days with no internet. Katie I wish I could help out but I had a hard enough time just trying to get on with a new name last year. Still after all of the explanations have not figured out how to put up a picture or post others. It has been one of those days of very mixed feelings. I am anxious to see my family but as always have that one little thread of dread when I leave my home and belongings and so many good friends and neighbors. For so many years I had very few of either. I am also wondering about Eric's sister. He posted a reply to me on facebook post but I forgot to ask him there. I am praying that all is well there. I am pleased that the election is over but very unhappy with the strife and discord that seems to be running rampage across this country. I got the outcome I wanted but will never gloat or put down anyone else for their opinions. Sadly many are not willing to be that considerate. That grieves me because I know that they are all good people who have their ideas and beliefs and feel let down. I can only pray that soon the bitterness will be gone and people will be more willing to work together for the good of us all and this great nation of ours. So everyone please keep me in your prayers and know that each and everyone of you are always in mine. I promise to try and check in often and post when time allows. Take care and God Bless
  17. I came here to day to see if anyone was here. I have been thinking about Susan and now so many of our members that I know are either in the middle of that storm or close. I hope they will check in when they can. The things I am seeing do not look good and to have to deal with that and LC just seems so unfair. I am doing good trying to get some things caught up before I leave on my trip next week. I always look forward to going and dread it too. This year I dread it more because I am having a back problem that just won't go away. I keep praying that by the time I leave it will be starting to ease but after a couple of months I am having my doubts. Weather here today is pleasant and partly cloudy with rain expected in the next couple of days. I am enjoying my windows open and no air on. Leaves are turning and this is one of my favorite times of year. Take care all and please be safe. Prayers for all.
  18. Many of you know that after Johnny died I wrote about our time together, eventually I wrote about most of my life encluding those first two years after he was gone. Doing that gave me something to do and a way to get in tuch with myself. I did a lot of soul searching and a lot of crying., December 2 will be 10 years sense that cold foggy morning that Johnny left this world behind. The past few days I have been going back over my story and reading then destroying much of it. There is just so much raw emotion in those pages that I have decided that I would never want them to be seen by many people especially my family and Johnny's. At the same time while reading them I realize that many of those pages were the best things that I ever wrote. I know that possibly I have used some of them at times and they have helped others to see that their feelings are not different or wrong but something that those of us who grieve often go through. It is time to let most of that go. I will save a few pages and use many of the pages that show what the emotions are when you feel like you have failed in so many things in your life. I will show what it has taken for me to get to where I am today. I can't say that I am truly happy but for the most part I am content. I am a person far different than most people ever really knew. I am that person because someone cared enough to make me know that just being me is enough. Loosing him almost broke me but knowing how much he had believed in me helped me to rediscover my strengths and trust not only my values but my Faith. It hasn't been easy reading those pages again. I cry and relive many of those last hearbreaking days. I still know even after all of the time past that my first suspeciona about the way Johnny died were not unfounded. I also know that there is nothing I can do about it and holding on to those papers and reliving those days are making my time with him about his death, not his life. That is an injustice to him as well as to myself because those times were so special. Last year on November 29th I left on my trip to Louisiana, I tend to do that to have something to put my mind on besides the memories of that day that I still refer to as the Friday from Hell. But that day will never be any less painful for me because last year on that date we lost my niece to phneumonia. I still get times when the tears come. I can't talk about those last days and weeks of Johnny's life without tears. The good memories are with me more now than the bad ones and those are what I want to hold on too, Recently I have had two different neighbors who have lost a loved one tell me that they don't know how they would have made it without my help. Those days make me proud. One time at church when I was living in French Gulch we had a guest pastor. He gave a sermon about when grief becomes sin. He believed that had happened to him when he let his grief over losing his wife keep him from living. He began to realize that he could use his grief to help others. If he didn't then his grief became sin. I seem to have taken on that outlook too., So if sometime I come here and seem like I am taking too much space or maybe speaking like someone who knows more than I do that is my reason. I am just thankful I have this place and my "family" here to endulge me.
  19. lilystemp


    Hi Katie. I haven't stopped in for a few days because for a while everytime I did no one had been here. Temperature here around 100 today, then we should cool down to the mid to high 90s for a few days at least. I am not complaining, so far we have not had one day with temperature over 110. I know how bad that sounds and it is hot but when you factor in a humidity of 10% or less it actually feels cooler than the air temperature. I lived in that humidity so long and not sure how or if I could handle it now. I went to the plastic surgeion yesterday to have him look at the place on my face that has a skin cancer. They are on a patch of psorisis and there are a few. The spot in about the size of an elongated nickle on my cheek just under my left eye. I thought it would just be simple to remove the bumps but he wants to take the whole patch out and do a skin graft. I am not looking forward to that but guess I don't really have much choice. I just hope it can be done and healed before my reunion in October. I had to wait almost 3 months to see him this time. Well it is lunch time so I have to see what I can find to eat. I have been having some stomache issues after that bug I had last week. All of that can sure play havoc if you have acid reflux. Hope to see everyone around tomorrow,
  20. lilystemp

    Judy MI

    I have not seen a post from her in a while either here or on facebook. Has anyone else? Judy please let us know how you are doing. Missing you.
  21. Stream lined or is that onw word?
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