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Everything posted by 3boys4amy

  1. Hi Lori! Dad is going to bring his famous pinto beans and cornbread. He could live for weeks on that. But warn your loved ones to please stand in front of him..... the aftermath is rank!
  2. My dad will be celebrating Christmas this year with your loved ones as well. He passed Sunday night. How wonderful his first Christmas in heaven will be.
  3. My dad will be celebrating Christmas this year with your loved ones as well. He passed Sunday night. How wonderful his first Christmas in heaven will be.
  4. My dad passed away Sunday night, 12/16/07 peacefully with his sister by his side. He was in a nursing home in West Virginia. I think the last time I logged in was in March when we placed him under hospice care. In April, I went back up to take my cousin to be his caregiver. While we were there, his home burned down, and he had to be placed in a nursing home. He made a remarkable recovery during the summer and was up walking around, making friends, playing games. He gave his heart to the Lord in March. He started getting sick again in September and I went and spent 3 weeks with him at the nursing home. This past week, he stopped being able to take anything in orally. Sunday morning, his temp spiked and his O2 level dropped. He became unresponsive. I called his sister who lives about 45 minutes from the nursing home and she went to be with him. He passed about 10:55 p.m. He wasn't in pain. He is being cremated tomorrow and his remains will be shipped to Florida to me to be held for his memorial service that we are planning in April. I want all of his family to be able to be there for a family reunion. Dad's favorite thing. Here is the link to dad's online memorial through the funeral home. Thank you so much for being there for me through out the years. I will be back. I just need some time to grieve. http://www.honakerfuneralhome.org/runtime.php?SiteId=2198&NavigatorId=47875&ItemId=142151&viewOpt=dpaneOnly&op=moreinfo
  5. Thanks everyone. I am headed back up there Thursday. My cousin from down here (she lives about 3 hours from me) has volunteered to go stay with dad until the end. I am driving her up. As of right now, the girlfriend is still there. Dad wanted hospice all along, but she didn't. She thought she could take care of him herself. My aunt is there now, his sister. She has health problems of her own and can't stay much longer, so my cousin is going to relieve her. My cousin is also a CNA and has experience caring for elderly and sick patients. SHe was told by the visiting nurses from the VA hospital that she could go sign up, and possibly get paid for staying there with dad. My mom has decided to continue with the eviction process. They go to court on Thursday afternoon. I will keep everyone posted.
  6. This is going to be long, and I am sorry. I am back now from WV from seeing my dad. I was able to get him to sign medical power of attorney over to me instead of his girlfriend and we finally got hospice in to take care of him. When I got there, he was missing over 400 pills. Morphine and Percocets. His GF has two daughters who are known drug addicts. Need I say more? He is now on the morphine pump and roxynal as needed for breathing problems of extreme pain. His Xanax was also missing. He didn't have the energy to open the bottles himself, much less go through the house and hide them as his GF says. I called drug task force and we are awaiting blood test results on my dad. His GF had also been using his checking account and running up huge bills in his name. I have put a freeze on his account. When I got there, his skin was so dry it was falling off. SHe had not been putting lotion on him at all. He was getting up and falling all over the house while she slept right beside him. She still says she could take care of him herself and that we didn't need hospice. Well, if hospice isn't there, he can get the pills (or should I say she can get the pills). He had a great day yesterday. But has gotten worse today. I know that many say you get better before you get worse. My mom owns the home he lives in and has filed eviction papers for his girlfriend to get out. He wants here there, even after what she is doing to him. She gets in the bed and whispers to him that my brother and I (and the rest of the family) don't care anything about him and that she is the only person who truly loves him and that if he loves her, he would tell us all to leave and let her stay there. I have reported all of this to the authorites, but they can't do anything unless I go back to WV because I have POA. Do I respect his wishes and let her stay and him hate his family, or do I let the eviction process continue, press charges and let him find out what kind of person she really is? I don't want him hurt, but I also don't want him hating his family when he passes. I know it won't be long. ANY advice is appreciated. I know I rambled and I am sorry. I hope you can make some sense out of what I wrote.
  7. I am so sorry Sonia. You are in my prayers as well as the rest of your family.
  8. He isn't well at all. He has lost control of his bladder and is falling often. I am leaving Saturday morning to go see him. He has two sisters that live about 3 hours from me and they are trying to get here to go with me. There is a bit of good news though. He went to the ER last night and my best friend is a nurse at the hospital he went to. She had them order a CT of his brain. NO METS!!!!! Praise the Lord! She called me last night to tell me. BUT, he has a VERY BAD case of shingles. He isn't eating and is dehydrated. I imagine the Shingles could be what is causing a lot of his pain and weakness. His girlfriend also told me that he isn't able to grasp his medicine anymore and that she has to open his mouth for him and place the pills in his mouth now. He is also becoming angry and combative. I don't know what to think. Has anyone ever had experience with shingles? His voice is also very weak and he can barely be heard or understood. Any prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated.
  9. It depends on whether I can get my husband to help me drive up there or not. He is in the Navy and an instructor, so it is hard for him to get leave. If not, then I will take my oldest and maybe my middle one. I couldn't handle all three by myself. They are 7, 5 & 3.
  10. Thanks everyone. Lori, dad isn't doing well at all. My mom has also been calling her cousin at hospice (who is in charge of the local hospice) and trying to get information from her. Well, I tried to tell her that her cousin could lose her job if she told her anything. Mom says "well, she's family, she'll tell me anything I want to know". Well, guess what? Her cousin wants to keep her job and quoted her the HIPAA act! She only confirmed, that yes, they had been contacted about services for dad, but nothing else. Good new is that some way, some how, I am going to see him during spring break, which is in 2 weeks.
  11. As many of you know, my mom and dad are divorced and have been for several years now. Dad's girlfriend lives with him and helps take care of him. In the divorce, mom got the house, but has continued to let dad live there and he takes care of the bills. I had mentioned once before that my mom mentions a lot about what is going to happen to her when dad passes because her only income is alimony. Well, today she asked me to ask dad if he is happy with his girlfriend taking care of him. And if not, if he wants her to come in and live there to take care of him. She wants to kick the girlfriend out and move in. Since mom and dad divorced, she has lived with a few men and has gone back and forth between homes and kind of "lived for free" so to say. I feel completely stuck in the middle here. On one hand, I think I should ask him, but on the other, I feel uncomfortable doing it. Many of dad's friends and relatives do not like his girlfriend and do not come to visit him because of her being there. But, most of those same friends and relatives do not like my mom either. They were married over 30 years. My mom is worried that dad has put his girlfriend on his bank accounts and that she might be taking things out of the house that belong to her, myself or my brother. I can see her point, but I just don't want to cause more stress for dad than what he can handle. Has anyone EVER been in his situation before? I am clueless as to how to handle this. ANY suggestions would be appreciated.
  12. I will tell you what happened with my dad and his girlfriend. She told me the other night that she just blurted out the question, how much time did he have. THe doctor answered her and my dad was in the room (although, they have not told me, she said she wants my dad to be the one). My dad was upset and said that he wished she had not asked because he didn't want to know how much longer he had. My advice is to go with your gut. If you don't think your husband wants to hear the negative and if it would affect his recovery or his will, I would not ask in front of him. Best of luck and many prayers.
  13. I know exactly how you feel, as my dad is going through the same thing. He probably won't accept hospice either, like your dad. They are discussing it tomorrow. It makes it seem so final, I think, when hospice is called. I am praying for you and your family in this very rough time.
  14. I just got off the phone with dad. He was a little more open with me this time. He said that they did a CT Scan yesterday and it wasn't good. They found three more tumors in his left lung (he had his right one removed). He said that the radiation seemed to have helped the tumors that he was treating before, but these tumors are all new. The doctors said that the new ones couldn't be treated and they are wanting to stop the Tarceva. Hospice is being called as well. What does all this mean? I am so scared. I don't want to lose my daddy! I am angry. I know that I seem selfish and I am sorry. But this isn't fair. Why does cancer happen to good people? I am so sorry for bringing this here, but I don't know where else to turn. My mom, all she thinks about is how is she going to get by financially if dad dies, because her sole income is her alimony from dad. Thanks for letting me vent.
  15. This time with dehydration. He has been having a lot of vomiting and diarrhea. He also isn't able to eat hardly at all and has been living off of Ensure. His girlfriend told me he had been getting quite forgetful lately. Could that be signs of brain mets? She broke down and told me last night that the cancer had spread to his windpipe months ago, but that they haven't done a scan since the fall. I am going to try and make it up there next week to see him. My father in law happens to be here visiting this weekend with us and he is headed back to West Virginia on Sunday, so I could possibly hitch a ride with him and then take a plane back. I still have to find arrangements for the kids. They are in school. Their spring break is coming up though in the middle of next month. Oh, and as far as I know, dad's eye isn't much better from the infection and his girlfriend said that it sounds like he still has the pneumonia and he is still coughing up that "stuff". She evidently asked the doctor how long dad had at a recent visit and was told bad news, but she refuses to tell me. She said it is something dad has to make up his mind to do, because she promised she wouldn't tell me. I respect her for keeping her word to my dad, but at the same time, feel I need to know. Dad though, was upset at her because he said even he didn't want to know. She thinks he is giving up. Is there any advice? What about brain mets? Someone asked me if I thought it had spread to his brain because of these symptoms he has been having lately.
  16. Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice. I am going to see if I can find some back up for my kids, as they are in school and can't miss school, unless something would happen and I had to take them back for a few days. I work full time and my boss is really bad about me taking time off for even a doctors appointment. I think I am at the point to tell him to shove the job, my family is more important. I will keep you posted. And please keep the prayers coming.
  17. I have no way of knowing for sure, but I got to talk to Dad's girlfriend last night and she told me that he is going downhill fast. She said he has a major eye infection and he is very weak. The docs sent him home from the hospital with pneumonia, saying they had done all they could do and that he was safer at home away from all the germs. He already had the eye infection when they sent him home. She said he has been moaning in pain with his bones and joints. I asked her forthright if the doctors had told Dad he only had so long. She refused to answer the question, saying that is a conversation that Dad needs to have with me and that she can't get in the middle of it. She said I could take that as my answer. She also told me in November that the docs told them they were working on his quality of life now, not the quantity. How do I get Dad to open up to me and tell me the truth. I live so far away from him and have small children. My husband is in the Navy and can't take time off. I want to be there, but don't want to burden dad or make him tell me things he isn't ready to tell me. I think that I need to know what is going on, but at the same time, I don't have the heart to come right out and ask him. I have so much other stuff going on at home with my kids, I just feel so overwhelmed. I love my dad more than anything in the world and it is killing me not to be there with him. How do I get past this?
  18. Well, they had to call an ambulance for Dad today. He has pneumonia. His girlfriend said he had been on the couch all week. He is coughing up blood, vomiting, diarrhea, dehydrated, not eating. I am sure you remember that he had his right lung removed in October 2 years ago. We found out this fall that the cancer had spread to his other lung and his lymph nodes. Be honest with me. How bad is this? He is on Tarceva, but it had not caused any side effects. She said he had been living on alka seltzer lately. I don't know what to do, because I live so far away from him and I have three small children and my husband is in the Navy. Any advice, experience and prayers are welcome.
  19. Thanks so much for all the wonderful advice and well wishes. I will keep you updated on Dad and update my signature line soon. I also took pics of him and I at Thankgiving that I will put in there too.
  20. Well, I am assuming that the cancer is now stage IV, as it has spread to his other lung, and lymph nodes on the opposite side of the original tumor. Please someone correct me if I am wrong. He is in quite a bit of pain, and has trouble breathing. He started Tarceva yesterday. His radiation is complete, however for some reason, they didn't do scans to see if it helped. From what his girlfriend told me, it was just to help his quality of life. I got to see him at Thanksgiving. His skin looks yellowed to me. Is that normal? He hasn't lost tons of weight, so that is good. What are the side effects of Tarceva? Thanks everyone for all the wonderful information I am able to find on here. I appreciate you all. Hopefully one day, I will be able to add to the discussions and not just merely ask questions.
  21. His girlfriend called me on Thursday (he is in the hospital getting radiation) to tell me the truth because she felt I needed to know. He told me the cancer had not spread to his other lung, however, it has. (remember, he had his right one removed 2 years ago). The oncologist has told him that they are working on his quality of life now, not the quantity. (what does that really mean?). He was told his bone marrow isn't up enough for him to have chemo anymore. Radiation is their last resort right now, as it seems. Or possibly a chemo pill? They are watching his brain for mets very closely. It has spread to the lymph nodes, one by his windpipe and one in his chest region. I think one is on the opposite side of the initial tumor. What do I expect now? He is in quite a bit of pain and is coughing constantly. I believed him when he constantly told me the cancer had not gone to his other lung. And then I sat there and heard him on the phone coughing all the time. I can't believe that I didn't think he could have been lying to me. I know he is only trying to protect me. But I love my dad so much and I need to know what is going on. His doctors won't call me back anytime I call. I imagine he hasn't put me on his list. Any advice would be so appreciated.
  22. Well, he has been on the morphine now for 2 years, so I wouldn't think that it would all of a sudden cause the nausea, or would it? I agree, October 30th seems way too far out for me. I asked them why so long and his girlfriend told me that it was the first available appointment. He goes back to his regular oncologist next week. Thanks for all the advice and encouragement!
  23. He was supposed to go to Ashland today to meet with the radiation oncologist to discuss options. He got started and got very ill with vomiting on the way, so they turned around and went home. He is rescheduled for October 30th. His girlfriend is very worried about him. From what she told me, he was told that they might not do radiation and go straight to chemo. I told them about the Avastin that was recommended and they are going to ask about that. Do you think that this vomiting has anything to do with the cancer? Also, Dad finally admitted to me last night that he is in quite a bit of pain. The doctors have him still on Morphine and Percocet.
  24. I don't know if many of you remember me. I used to come here quite often. I have had so much going on in my own life, that I haven't had a chance to visit often lately. I found out a couple weeks ago that Dad's cancer has come back in his lymph nodes. He had his right lung removed 2 years ago this month. He went to have a CT Scan done this week to map out the radiation and they called him back to say that the nodes had grown since a few weeks ago. They had the oncologist call him. He is going in for radiation on Monday in Kentucky (Ashland) and will try to shrink it. Then he will go through chemo again. Chemo almost killed him last time. I am so worried about him. How bad of a diagnosis is this? And that they have grown that fast? Any advice or help is appreciated. I live so far away from him. I live in Florida and he is in West Virginia. I feel lost.
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