Help for my husband and children

[Guest]

My father-in-law, 61 years young, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last week. He was diagnosed with emphysema about 5 years ago and even though he has been going to specialists all that time, they didn't detect it until he was rushed to the hospital with fluid around his heart as a result of cancer cells irritating the lining of his heart!

I fear my father-in-law has already given up - he already had the "I want you to have this" talk with my husband last night! My husband is completely distraught and very angry (at the doctors for missing it, at his dad for smoking & giving up and at himself for not pushing his doctors). I feel at a loss to help him and our two boys ages 10 and 7. Where can I get help on how to help my husband with his grief and anger and how do I talk to my sensitive boys who are so close to their grandfather? Thanks for your help.

[cathy]

Hi Chantal,

Welcome to our group..Everyone here can understand the anger we have all been there, it takes a couple weeks for the initial shock to wear off..If your family is looking for some survivor stories you are in right place..We have many members here who are living with late stage lc and I know they will be responding to your post..Copy their stories and let your family read them, it will help with the fight your FIL has ahead of him..

There is so much knowledge and experience here all you have to do is ask and remember there is HOPE.

[Don Wood]

Chantal, tell your FYL, your husband and your boys That people do survive lung cancer. There are many on here, including my wife. She wad diagnosed with NSCLC, Stage IV, with multiple bone mets. That was two years ago! Her first chemo and radiation worked, and kept her relatively clear for almost a year. The cancer showed up again, and she is now undergoing more chemo, which seems to be working.

You all can spend a lot of time angry and grieving over what might have been or you can put that energy into hope and helping your FIL get the best treatments available to stave off the disease. He needs positive energy, not negative, to fight this disease. Make the best of each day, each week, each month, because none of us, including the doctors, know how long we have. Help you FIL have a rich and enjoyable life, whatever the length. I wish you the best. Don

[patut]

Chantal, my hubbie is 65 and our son reacted the same way. It is how we feel right at the beginning of receiving this worrisome news. However, after some time my son came to me and told me he was going to stop wasting his time worrying about it and just go with what ever comes up. That's because we learned it's an on-going bumpy road (which some here compare to being on a roller coaster).

As for our grandchildren, they simply see that grampa has slowed up a bit, and they are learning to cope with it too.

I love how Don put it in his message. Way to go Don!

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

DonnWood is our voice of reason around here. He gave you some great advice. Being angry does no good. Was I angry when my father was first diagnosed? Yes, but not at my Dad for smoking for 40 years..........I was angry at the cancer. This is a tough road to travel. Chances are, your father in law is feeling some degree of guilt about smoking. (My Dad does) So, right now, he really needs SUPPORT from all of you guys. It took a couple of weeks for everything to sink in with us. Browse through previous posts here. You will find some wonderful stories of survival here. Also, get your hubby here. Maybe we can all help him deal with the feelings that he is having. Best wishes to your family!

In my thoughts and prayers~~~

Angie