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tired, stressed, overwhelmed...

Heather M.

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I just need to vent a little. There is so much going on right now and I feel like I am on the verge of losing it. Along with the daily care of my mom, we are moving this month. My mom has been building a new house and once she found out she had LC, we decided we would move in with her. The builders have moved the completion date 5 times and, finally, we found out today that it will be done tomorrow. So, this weekend we are moving her stuff (LOTS OF STUFF!!!!!) from her storage to the new house. It involves going "home" to the town I was born and raised in, which will be hard because I know I will run into friends who haven't heard the news about my mom yet. I know I will drive by Mom's old house (it's two blocks away from storage) and remember so many good times that we had there. Cancer free times. Then, next week we will be moving our stuff (again, LOTS OF STUFF!!!) to storage and taking the basics to Mom's new house. I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm not sleeping very well. And I think that is why I am beginning to become compulsive about Mom's symptoms. I am convinced that she has mets on her liver! Her feet and ankles have been swollen since they started her on decadron (she is now off it). Of course, I am fearing the worst, that it is her liver. Or maybe HOA. Or heart failure... Get the picture?? I should be packing and cleaning right now, but instead I am spending hours researching online. Her doctor assured me today that her liver is fine. How does she know that? All she did today was a routine blood test. I am thinking that she should have done more to rule out liver mets. Am I being paranoid? I really like Mom's doctor, but sometimes I feel that she shouldn't wait for chemo to end to do a CT.

Sorry for my rambling (again :D ). I need to hear from you guys. You are so important to me right now. I don't want to be in the dark about this awful disease.

Thank you so much for listening.

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I don't have any answers to any of the medical questions. I am sure others will come along for that.

What I can say is that unless you are healthy, you are no good to anyone. You need to take some time for yourself and get yourself in a better place. You will get through all of this. We always do. Don't fight the battles until they need to be fought. So don't worry about your friends? How much time will you have to run into them while you are unpacking storage. Not much, and if you do, you can recruit another helper to load the trucks. And if you don't have the emotional capacity to talk about your mom's dx, then don't. Just tell 'em she is moving and you are helping and leave it at that. Not everybody needs to know everything, especially not from you.

The memories of your old house should be a comfort to you. They should be a reminder of a life well-lived for your mom. She has accomplished much and hopefully will accomplish more, but just appreciate the good times without comparison. The good times will always be there for you; there ain't nothing cancer can do about that.

So take care of yourself and don't borrow trouble. We get enough of it as it is.

God bless,


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A suggestion from one who is currently back in the parents' old home and living in her old room with a spouse, child and puppy in tow"

Our situation was supposed only be a situation for a couple of months - it has stretched to five and a major season change. Since it was to be a temporary arrangement, my little family didn't bring much more than clothes to Mom and Dad's house...and constantly feel as if we are intruding upon their lives (and we are, could be why we feel that way).

If you are going to be living with your mother in her home, try to surround yourself with your things, such as your own bedroom furniture. Have a space that is YOURS in a house that is very much HERS. This is for your very sanity, I swear! :shock:

As for old friends...well, if they don't know, you probably haven't talked to 'em often enough for them to be "close" any longer. You don't have to share (as Curtis pointed out) information with people that you don't feel would understand (or, bluntly, CARE) what you are going through. If your mother is local to the area, the news would have spread (I'm assuming "small town" - Lord knows, nothing travels faster than small town gossip!) and your friends would know - as would the postman, the grocery store checker, etc.

Stop researching. The numbers don't change if you log off the 'Net for a week or so. Take a break, quit torturing yourself. Stop drilling those numbers deeper and deeper into your brain.

You have work to do, get going on it. Hey, stop in here when you need to, but don't go digging up facts and figures right now - you should be digging out winter clothing and knick-knacks/pictures for your room/s in Mom's house...

Take care,


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I hope I can give you a little insight. Dad's ankles and feet became swollen too... and the doctor said "do not worry, it is from the decadron" he is on a very small dose right now and the swelling is virtually non-existant. I am thinking that maybe your mom hasn't been off the decadron long enough. The doctors can tell a great deal from the blood tests.... liver function is measured this way. I am confident in there assumption that her liver is fine. You need to relax (my family would laugh if they heard me say this to you as I am one of the biggest worriers around) You shouldn't look for trouble, cos trouble finds you soon enough!!! I hope things smooth out for you alittle bit and you can enjoy your holidays.... Love, Sharon

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