nightmare

[incomprehensible]

Hello everyone,

It is so hard to put into words what I am feeling. Cancer is not "new" to my family. Both parents have had lung cancer in the past, they both had operations to take it out, and no further treatment was deemed necessary by their doctors. I have a sister who had a mastectomy and chemo at the age of 32 from breast cancer, and my other sister and myself both had cervical cancer which was treated with leep procedures.

My Mom just had her 2 year checkup from her cancer Doctor and she got a clean bill of health. But she has not been feeling well for over a year. She went to her regular doctor so often, that he told her to "get over it". He did have x-rays taken because my mom said she wanted them. The x-ray came out fine. A week later she insisted on more x-rays, which annoyed her doctor to no end, And she told him that maybe she had cancer again, he told her she was healthy, it was all in her mind. This x-ray showed an enlarged heart, so more tests were run. After numerous test came out fine, her cat scan showed stage 4 lung cancer. The doctor told her there was nothing he could do for her. We had the worst week of our lives. Constant sobbing, Mom screaming, kicking, begging. Wanting to kill herself. Then she went to a few more doctors before deciding on one that she liked. This new doctor told her she would not die from this.

My mom is now on chemo and radiation, she just spent the weekend in the hospital because her white blood cells are not cooperating and she was dehydrated. Her cancer Doctor told her that they can contain her cancer, But when my father and I questioned him as to what we could expect as far as treatments, he told us we could expect to have her around 6 months to 2 years. We stood frozen. That was not the question we had asked, And it was not something my Dad wanted to know.

So in a round about way, the doctor told us that she is terminal, but yet she does not know this. We are an extremely close family. We all live together, grandparents, their kids, and their kids. Mom likes to refer to us as the Walton's. None of us can imagine life without mom.

We keep waiting for the ball to drop, dreading the moment when the doctor tells her that there is nothing he can do.

People live everyday with the loss of a parent, but to me, it's incomprehensible. We have been going about our lives like there is nothing wrong with mom, trying to pretend it's not all about to change forever. I try to be stone faced all through out the day, because I feel like if I let the smallest amount of emotion out, I will go berserk. I want to rip the house apart with my bare hands, I want to scream. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

What happens now? How does mom go from the beautiful woman she is now, to where they tell us she's headed?

[cathy]

Hi

Welcome to a place that actually does have survivors of lc. My dad has stage 3b lc so I know where you are coming from. In the beginning of his diagnosis I went through the exact same emotions as you. Those emotions are still there but way easier to control. You have come to the right place to vent, cry, or believe it or not laugh a little. So many wonderful people here are going through the same thing as your mom, and they can tell you their experiences, you will be amazed how similar some are. My dad has never had chemo but I can tell the most important thing is water water and more water they absolutely have to keep hydrated. One thing we all have in common also is we dont have any time frames. Only God can knows that answer. I wont say it will be easy for your family because this is the hardest thing anyone can go through. After the initial shock which did take a while I did start to feel a certain peace I think these boards had alot to do with that. Welcome incomp(for short) I hope you too can find comfort here.

[Carolsdaughter]

Hello,

I am so sorry about the pain you are in. We all understand here.

Welcome to our board, there is much you can learn here. Post your own questions, or just read the other posts and become educated.

I totally understand the stupid doctor thing, something similar happened with my mom. She had been sick for a long time and he just gave her pain pills...... Long depressing story......... Results, lung cancer stage 4.

When you feel that you are at the end of your robe, tie a knot and hang on and come here for support.

HUGS, Shelly

[Don Wood]

Hi, and welcome to the message board. Lots of support and info here. We all come into this world "terminal", we just don't know when. Doctors can only speak from statistics, and we are all individuals. We cope with this by not looking too far down the road with "what ifs", but to have some goals to move us on into the future. Stay with us. We are all in this together. Love and caring are to be shared. And you do need to find a way to vent the emotions you have, so they are dispensed constructively and not destructively. Good luck on your new journey. Lots of company here. Don

[norme]

HERE IS HOW I LOOK AT THE SITUATION MY HUSBAND AND I ARE IN. WHEN HE IS FEELING GOOD (AS GOOD AS IT CAN BE RIGHT NOW) WE ENJOY GOING FOR RIDES AND HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER. TODAY WE WENT DOWN THE ROAD ABOUT 45 MILES TO A casino AND PLAYED ON THE SLOTS FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES. THAT IS AS LONG AS I CAN STAND THE SMELL OF TOBACCO SMOKE. WE HAD LUNCH AT THE BUFFET AND CAME HOME. HE TOOK A NAP AND IS NOW READING THE NEWPAPER AND I AM HERE WITH ALL OF YOU FOR AN HOUR OR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW ABOUT LC OR WHATEVER. I KNOW THAT HIS TIME HERE ON EARTH MAY ONLY BE 6 MO OR 10 YEARS. IT'S MINE I DON'T KNOW. I WOULD RATHER HAVE HIM HERE WITH ME WITH LC THEN A MASSIVE HEART ATTACH OR INSTANT DEATH. I WENT THROUGH THAT WITH MY SISTER AND AFTER 8 YEARS (THE END OF THIS MONTH) I AM STILL IN SHOCK THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THIS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE AND SEE YOU SOON, THAT ONE HAS WITH A LOVED ONE WITH LC. THE LOVE WE CAN SHARE WITH OUR LOVED ONES, EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES THEY ARE PRETTY SICK, THEY HOPEFULLY COME OUT OF IT OFF AND ON AND THOSE ARE THE GOOD TIMES. I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS MAKES SENCE OR NOT BUT I SURE HOPE SO. DON'T DWELL ON WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN, DWELL ONLY ON BEING ABLE TO SHARE TIME WITH THEM AND THEY WITH YOU......GOD BLESS

[Cindy RN]

PLEASE try and learn this one thing!!!!!!!!!! Those with cancer are LIVING WITH CANCER, we are not dying of cancer. We all know some day we will all leave here and go onto an eternal life elsewhere. I remember having to watch mom those last months but she did it with dignity and we followed her que. You too will learn to live with this. Not an easy thing and everyone needs to vent. This is a good place to do it. Your mom's Dr gave a 'safe' answer. 1-2 years is a guess. He has no idea really how long any of his patients have. Your mom probably has an idea about her condition. I always have. Good luck

[sophia88]

Living with cancer..what a perfect quote....LIVE. live, live....each good day is like a year...it has to be because that quality time is so important to all of us touched by this disease...my family got so angry..we all wandered how this could happen to such a vibrant, tough man... then we got over it and moved on to coping, supporting and yes LIVING. There are miracles and miraculous days...you have to look for both of them and never stop believing in the power of prayer and of medicine...can this disease be beaten is anyone's guess...but it can definitely be fought with medicine, will and strength...good luck and your family is in my prayers.