Carol Lee S Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Hi, Just getting ready to go with Gene for his second dose of the second round of Gemzar. I wish he had another week off of this stuff as he is so tired and is having such a difficult time breathing. He walk out to driveway (short steps) to get the paper and was exhausted. This superman fire chief/medic has now resorted to sitting in the recliner with a few strolls around the house to move his muscles. He is doing weights in the chair. His appetite has diminihed to forced eating. Through all this he is still motivated, it is me that is having the hardest time seeing him in this state. I called the Doc over the weekend as he was having headaches, dizzyness etc. I wanted him to change the antibiotic from Tequin to something else; he did, the headache went away as did the dizzyness, although he did get dizzy for a few seconds this morning when he bent over. He will talk to us about an MRI of his brain today. I'm not sure if this is a result from a previous crainiotomy he had a few years ago or if this lousy disease has spread. I am just really scared and am having a hard time controlling my emotions, Zanax is helping me sleep but I don't want to get addicted. My boss has been great but at some point I need to get a grip I guess. His family stays away, but his friends have been great. My daughter and son in law are a gift from God, but I just want to be there for him all the time and do everything I can to make it easier for him. The other day I fell asleep on the couch while he was sleeping. I woke up to him putting a cover over me as he thought I looked chilly. That's just how he is. Since he retired a few years ago he took over as the stay at home MOM doing all the household chores including all the cooking. I just go to work and do laundry. It worked for us and we were having a great life until this garbage disease came along, doesn't all the lives he helped count? I am just depressed today I know tomorrow will be better Thank you for letting me vent this board has become my life line. Praying for all of us Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Carol, you sound like super people, you and Gene. Glad you could vent your frustrations, as all caregivers need to do. Know that you have a lot of support and caring here. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Its good to vent and this is the place for it. We all hate this garbage disease! It sounds like Gene is working hard to beat this stuff! I hope tomorrow is a better day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Prayers, thoughts, love and many hugs to you and Gene. It is a crappy disease. My husband has told me many times that "Who said life was fair?" How can I argue with that? Come here for support and caring. Don't be afraid to lean on your daughter and son-in-law when you need to. They want to be there for you and Gene too. Hoping tomorrow Gene feels better. Perhaps this is just one more bump in that roller coaster ride. Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 HI CAROL, YOUR POST SOUNDS SOMEWHAT OF WHAT MY HUSBAND'S AND MY LIFE USED TO BE BEFORE I RETIRED. NOW BANG, SAME AS YOURS AGAIN. MY HUSBAND IS RIGHT NOW AT A GOOD SPOT. HE ISN'T ABLE TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THEN WATCH TV AND TAKE WALKS OUT IN-FRONT OF OUR HOUSE HOWEVER, THIS MORNING HE SAID HE THOUGHT HE COULD HELP WITH CLEANING THE HOUSE A LITTLE. I THINK HE IS STILL TO WEAK SO I TOLD HIM I WAS IN A HURRY AND HE COULD HELP THE NEXT TIME. DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HIM BUT AM SURE HE IS STILL NOT IN THAT GREAT OF A CONDITION. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE HIM BACK TO BEING AS GOOD AS HE IS AND I WILL TAKE THIS WAY ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. GENE AND MY HUSBAND ARE FIGHTERS. THEY BOTH KNOW THAT THEY MUST EXERCISE TO BUILD THEMSELVES UP. FIRST WHEN HE STARTED WALKING I THOUGHT HE WOULD FALL BUT HE WAS DETERMINED TO DO IT AND NOW HE IS WALKING A GOOD 1/4 OF A MILE A DAY. I NEED TO GET IN MY CAR AND CLOCK IT FOR HIM. I THINK THIS HAS REALLY PULLED HIM OUT OF THE HORRIBLE PLACE HE WAS IN. AT LEAST I HOPE SO. HE GOES BACK TO THE DR THIS THUR. HASN'T SEEN ANY DR SINCE HIS LAST RADIATION TO THE BONE AREA 6 WKS AGO. I WILL BE ON PINS AND NEEDLES WHEN THEY TAKE ALL THE TESTS TO SEE HOW HE DOING. AT LEAST I AM HOPING THEY TAKE SOME TESTS. GOD BE WITH YOU TWO.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Carol, just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and Gene. I hope you are faring well in this Long Island Humid heatwave!!! I know the chemo. weighs on Gene, but it IS good that he is going for his second treatment tomorrow-you don't want to give those damn cancer cells a fighting chance, right? right! I hope that Genes strength starts to come back, and as far as his apetite, have they prescribed any meds to help with that? The eating thing is SOOOOO frustrating, because you KNOW that eating is key in a persons energy level, etc.. but forcing someone to eat is IMPOSSIBLE-it has been that way with my dad, and it is frustrating for him as much as it is for us. Just wanted to let you know that I'M ROOTING FOR YOU GUYS!!!!! Keep us posted, and both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 There comes a time when those of us with Lung Cancer hate this disease for what it has done to us. Lung cancer certainly changed my life and I hate it. I was a workaholic, working 10-12 hours each day and thinking noting of it. As I read what you wrote, I thought I was reading about myself. So many times I have told my wife that I want to stop, but she brings me back into reality, which is if I stop, then my life stops. Neither of us want that. Chemo has brought me down many times, more then I care to admit. Chemo caused me to back off of my responsibilities to this board. As I compare myself to your husband, I see alot of me. I want so much to do things, but the chemo holds me back from doing all the things I want to do. The big thing, your husband is not alone, he is one of many, far too many. Those of us on chemo can well relate to what is happening in your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol Lee S Posted July 8, 2003 Author Share Posted July 8, 2003 Thank you all for getting me over the depressed hump I was in this morning. This Board is the only good part of ths disease. Gene had his Chemo and did great. His blood levels were terrific probably better than mine (haha) We saw a substitute Doc today and it was good to have another opinion. He ordered abutual for times when his breathing gets bad and was very encouraging as far as Gene's activities. Told him him he could use the treadmill and he was happy to hear that Gene was a fighter. I was so glad to hear positive vibes. Of course he is starting to get tired tonight but it's tired with a smile. He has a week off so we have something to look forward to. Praying hard for all of us!!! Thank you again. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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