Amy P Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 These are for you Frank! 1. Two vultures board an airplane. Each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. 6. Some chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal". 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they wouldn't. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. All this made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Chuckle chuckle cackle snort! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Those were good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Amy, Amy, Amy Very Good! Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 good ones, Amy...very enjoyable. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Amy, Mahatma was hysterical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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