Connie B Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! ************ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. ************ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... What the hell was I thinking?" ************* Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. ************* How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ************* I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. ************* I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. ************* As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. ************* Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. ************* Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) ************* Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! ************* We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop? ************* I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. ************* Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? ************* Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. ************* So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Unfortunately....the one about the wedding day and no one liking the husband...well....sounds just like a friend of mine!!!! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 FUN-neeee! Reminds me of a true event in my life. 20+ years ago, when my 50th birthday was coming up, my younger son, who was then 17, said, "Wow, Dad, 50! Why you're still somewhat active." He meant it as a compliment! Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 These are award winning jokes. I laughed so hard my stomach HURTS. Wonderful Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 Oh Don, that is TOOOO TOOOOOO FUNNY! I know Joanie, I just cried from laughing so hard. Glad you all enjoy them. Gotta admit, they are pretty good! Hugs, Con Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Thanks Connie! I'm sending these to my friends! Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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