I'm so sorry you're going through all this and I hope touching bases with us gives some relief and comfort.
When I was 11, my dad had a severe depression (not his first, but the first I witnessed.) He was hospitalized, had shock treatment, the works. I had never seen him like that = he had always ben my hero -and I was crushed and confused. I had just started junior high and my own world was topsy turvy. Hormones changing.
My mom tried to hold it all together and kind of expected me to just go on as if nothing was happening. HER life was disrupted and SHE needed me to be even a better, trouble-free kid than before.
My grades - always great before went DOWN that semester and I was so ashamed to compare report cards with my friends for the very first time. I didn't know I was depressed, too. I just thought I was not a good or smart kid anymore - I was letting everyone down and when my Mom would get upset with me she'd always ask "Why are you doing this?" I didn't know.
I never got counseling and my self-esteem went in the dumpster for years after that. Your daughter is frightened and depressed and she can't help that she can't do her best right now. If she'd ben a great trackstar and broke her leg you wouldn't be surprised she couldn't compete for awhile. Her heart is broken, too, and she can't concentrate right now.
I know you are just worn out yourself. Counseling, a friend to take her for fun, are all great ideas.
Leslie