lilyjohn Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Sunday in church the pastor's wife was talking to me about her Chemo. I knew everything she was talking about. That got me to thinking about words. In the last 4 years I have learned so many new words. Words that I may have heard but never really thought about or knew the whole meaning of. Words like Cancer and COPD and Unbalanced blood gases as well as Accute Respiratory Accidosis. Then there are other words, Vicodin, Hydrocode(the same thing) Morphine, Ativan and Xanax, Oxycodone, Paxal, Remeron and all of the Chemo drugs. The hardest are words like Death, Panic, Anxiety and Euthanasia. So many of those words I got to know intimately. They still haunt me every day. There are other words too. Words that I knew the meaning of but never realized the depth of. Those are words like Love, Joy and Fulfillment. There are others too like Hope and Compassion and Patience. Somewhere in there are the words Advanced Directive and DNR. I knew about those words but they all seemed like something distant that had nothing to do with me. Then Johnny and I were together again and I learned the full meaning of Love and Joy and Hope. After he died I discovered how deep Heartache can go and Dispair and Helplessness along with Hopelessness. Just words. How could simple words become so much a part of my life? I wish I could go back to a different time before I learned so many of those words. God how I wish I would never have had to learn them Now in my work I have discovered other words. Words like Indifference and Dementia as well as Alzhiemers. Our lives are made up of words. We hear them everyday but until something happens in our lives that is so tramatic we just take them for granted. Oh to be so uninformed again Now I live by other words. Those too are words that I have heard all of my life but now they are words that I cling to. Words like Afterlive, Eternity and Reunion. God and Faith have new meaning for me too. Without these words I doubt that I could ever face the nightmares that the others cause me. Does any of this make sense to anyone? Has anyone else stopped to think of all of the words that just roll out of your mouth that you would never have really gotten aquainted with if it had not been for that monster of a word Cancer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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