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Bah Humbug...


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What can I say except this week really sucks. This is the first Christmas without my dad and I'm daddy's little girl… So far this week I’ve been hiding from reality by doing a house project to keep my mind off of things – I must admit its been a great help this week. Everything that could possible go wrong has gone wrong for my husband and I this year and I’ve been praying for 2006 to come since the spring. I can’t even come up with any good things that have happened this year. My husband and I were also both laid off in 2005 and are entering 2006 without jobs – so I’m hoping for job offers in 2006.

My mind at the moment is on this weekend. We spend Christmas eve with my in laws and I’d really love to hide in the background and not be noticed at dinner etc. Part of me doesn’t even want them to notice any sadness. I’m so not looking forward to any holiday activity this weekend.

Christmas day we do with my family and I’m not looking forward to that either. Anyway, should also be interesting as my relationship with my sister hasn’t been well this year either. I’ve only talked to her about 10 or 12 weeks total this year and haven’t spoken to her since mid May. She flies off the handle for no reason and I can’t keep letting her back in my life without talking about it. She just likes to jump back in like nothing ever happened. I didn’t talk to my sister throughout my dad’s battle with cancer either. My whole family agrees something’s up with her. My husband, aunt and myself cleaned out and sold my dad’s house without any help from her too. I did keep thinking she should be right by my side many many times. As I’ve told family – I’m leaving it in God’s hands to resolve it with my sister and if its meant to be it will.

Hasn’t been a good night – I guess I should have painted another coat or two in the half bath (room I’m redoing to keep my mind off of things).

Thanks for listening – I need a few good ears!!

Prayers to everyone for a good holiday

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Dear Tammy,

I can so relate to how you feel. I lost my Mom Sept 20th and really haven't wanted to deal with anything since then. Of course, I keep pushing myself to do what I must, but it just feels like torture. We've also had our house torn up with the remodeling of our bathrooms since the 2nd week of October. Then with exactly 2 weeks to Christmas I found myself out digging in my yard then driving to Home Depot for pony packs of flowers.

I will say that the digging and pony packs was so what I needed! My Mom and I shared a huge passion for gardening and the area that I re-did that day was with her in mind.

Christmas this year will be nothing like the past and I will have to get used to that, like it or not, NOT, but I know she would want me to go on and enjoy the Holidays with my family. All I can do is to try and honor that.

I think your Dad would want the same for you. I know how hard it is, I'm struggling daily with it too so know your not alone with your feelings.

I hope and pray you can find some comfort and peace this Holiday season.


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Hi Tammy,

Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and feel really bad that this is the first Xmas without your dad. This is also mine with my mom.

But I know in my heart that mom will be with us that day, so we will make merry and talk about lots of the memories of her. That will keep her spirit alive.

I hope you feel better and know that you dad would not want you to be sad.

Take care


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Let me share something ....

I too have been dreading each day of this season...

Missing Daddy.... thinking about how wonderful Christmas "use" to be....

As I was driving home from work last evening... I was on I-95 (highway).... and all of a sudden traffic came to a stop... now, this in itself is not unusual.. so I looked for the cause of the traffic jam... and then I saw it... over the horizon this HUGE orange/red/yellow ball with bright blue behind it and the clouds tinted from its rays... THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSET I HAD SEEN IN YEARS... The sun was so bright, we couldn't drive, because the sun was so blinding, we had to just sit and wait for it to settle behind the horizon... And then it hit me..

My God aren't we blessed to see this.... in all the caos, in all the sadness, in all my grieving... there is still beauty... and right then and there my heart grew and I realized... yes, there are still things to be thankful for, we are still here on earth living and God is good... I cried, I prayed and then... I smiled...

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My Mom died just last week. I wish the holidays would be over. I miss her. My Dad and brother are mostly grieving in silence. My Mom loved Christmas baking, decorating and being with family. I feel that I have to hold my emotions in so I don't reck everyone else's holidays.

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