disturbing dream

[lilyjohn]

I had a very disturbing dream a few nights ago. I have not been able to get it off my mind. It could be only because of the circumstances I have been facing lately but somehow I feel that it held a message and I need to know what it was.

I think before I tell about it I should set the stage a little with what the past two weeks have been like.

I have been working a lot and I started thinking about moving into town so I could have more free time and be closer to some of the activities I have always wanted to take part in. I am also planning a trip to see my children and grandchildren in Louisiana in late April.

I filed my income tax by computer and had a glitch and lost it so never knew if it was sent or not. I had to find out about that and couldn't get a person or any answers on the telephone. I was also weighing the cost of moving and the amount of income I would be allowed while drawing social security or the income guidelines to get an apartment for seniors that I could afford. All of those things were going around in my mind. I just couldn't get it all straightened out.

My work schedule the past two weeks has been grueling. I worked 2 24 hour shifts then an 8 hour shift on Wednesday. Came home Wendesday night and had to be back on Thursday for another 24 hour shift. When I got off Friday morning I had some shopping that I had been putting off to do. I also got an application for an apartment. Unfortunately the manager was not there to answer some questions so I had the weekend to wonder if I would qualify and how long I would have to wait. After spending Friday afternoon and night at home I was back to another 24 hour job on Saturday. I got home Sunday around 10 in the morning and had to leave again before 3 in time to stop and get a bite to eat. Then I went to a job from 4 in the afternoon until 8 the next morning. On that job I couldn't go to bed like on my 24 hour jobs. The lady is too high maintenance. So I sat up all night. Left there at 8 the next morning and spent the next two days on 24 hour shifts. Yesterday finally got to the IRS in town and got income tax straightened out. Then went on and worked to small jobs getting off at 4 yesterday afternoon.

I am finally home today but did agree to do another 10 hour job tomorrow instead of going to town for a good birthday dinner.

Now to my dream. I didn't get a chance to take a nap on Monday so I was pretty much running on coffee all day. That night I passed out. I got up once in the night but went right back to sleep and that is when I had the dream.

In the dream I was rushing to get a lot of things done and I could see a clock and knew that I was running late. The more I tried to rush the later it got until I knew that I would be late. I think I was supposed to go to school but it could have been work. I know there was a man in the dream but he was very fuzzy. Still it seemed like whatever I was supposed to do it was because of him. I was supposed to be with him. Then I saw Johnny. He was setting on a sofa just watching me. He looked older than when we first met but not as old as he was when we were together.

I got so flustered trying to get everything done in time that I finally just said to Johnny "Why am I doing this? I will just go live with you then I won't have to worry about any of this. That is where I want to be anyway." Without saying a word he let me know his thoughts.

It was very clear that he did not like what I was having to do and he didn't like me with that man. Still he let me know that I couldn't go with him, it was not a choice for us to make. I was very upset but he insisted.

The strangest thing was the end of the dream. I had some kind of small animal and I was trying to put it in one of those packages that meat comes in from the gorcery store. There was water in it and it was covered with plastic wrap. The animal had to go into it to live but when I tried to put it there there were 3 pieces of different fish in the package taking up all of the room and water. That is when I woke up.

Everything it the dream was fuzzy and hard to remember except the clock, the fish and Johnny. He was so real. I could see him so clearly and still in my mind see him as he was in that dream.

I woke up with the feeling that he was trying to tell me something that I need to know. I really feel like it was a real visit from him but I just can't for the life of me figure out what it is I need to know.

Does any of this make sense to anyone? Have you ever had a dream so crazy and still felt like it was important or had an important message for you? Or am I just having this kind of dream because I have so many things on my mind and I'm so tired?

[Ann]

Lil, as you already know, I have these crazy dreams all the time. Sometimes, they are clear as a bell and make all kinds of sense. Others are just so far out that I try and put them out of my mind and chalk it all up to indigestion...lol! But...I do know how you feel about feeling there is a message involved. This dream would be a really good one for someone that interprets dreams!

[sparrow]

I think it means that even though you miss him and you want to go and be with him. It is not your time. You need to stay on this planet and live your life. I don't get the animal and fish thing. But I personally feel he was trying to talk to you and let you know that just because it was his time, it deosn't mean it is your time.

[Maryanne]

Hi Lil,

I think we know why Johnnie appeared to you. He knows how confused you are and you are working much too hard and too many hours. He knows you are doing what you have to get by, but he worries so much and feels you are working much too hard. Your mind is working so fast that you can't think. To many things are going on at one time that you are wearing yourself down, and that is not what he wanted for you. He wants you to be less stressed and taking care of yourself.

I don't know the significance of the little animal supposeably trapped by these fishes in water. I just know that Johnnie is worried really is worried about you.

I would love to know what that means. He seems to be sending you some kind of message. but I don't know if it is present or future.

Maybe we can throw out some ideas on here to see what the small animal, fish in water may mean.

any thoughts you some interpertation you may have, please share.

I am thinking here, maybe the small animal represents you, and you want desperately to get to the place of comfort into the water. But you are being held back by something blocking your way.

I strongly feel that he is worried about you and he feels how much you miss him and he feels helpless that he cannot be there to comfort you and hug you. So he is coming to you through different ways for you to feel his presence. I don't think he will rest until he knows that you are alright.

I pray for you Lil, as I worry about you and feel that you have to slow down, and get a little Lil time... if anyone needs it you do.

See if you can figure out what he was trying to say. I have a feeling it will come to you.

Take care, peace be with you..

Maryanne

[lilyjohn]

I have really been thinking a lot about the dream and think I have it kind of figured out. Not sure if it makes a lot of sense tho.

First I want to update a few things. Starting next week I will gradually be slowing down. I have 3 24 hour jobs scheduled and I suspect they will ask me to do another 10 hour day like the one I did yesterday. The following week I have only 2 24 hour jobs and 2 2 hour jobs scheduled. After that I will cut back even more. For one thing it is time, I'm very tired. I also have to cut my income so I can earn enough the rest of the year to survive and not go over the amount allowed by SS. I work too hard to have to pay them back one dollar for every two I make. That would be working for half pay and this is one somebody who thinks the government Sc**s the working person enough for money they can waste!

The other decision I have made is about the apartment. I haven't given up on getting one but I have reached a compromise. Sense Johnny's death I have had to make too many major decisions in too little time. I don't have to rush on this one. I have decided to keep it as a goal but put it off for now. I will take a month off and go visit my children and grandchildren. In June it will be two years sense I have seen them and that is too long.

When I come back I will start looking for an apartment in town but I will not grab the first thing that comes along. The amount I can earn and draw my SS is much higher than what I could earn and get one of those apartments based on my income either through Senior housing or HUD witch would be even less. The extra money would allow me to find something a little more expensive. Perhaps a place with a small yard where I can still have a few flowers. Either way I would be able to cut my work week back to 4 days a week and eliminate the overnights. I would have to do that because I would have no one to take care of Misty.

In the mean time I will stay here and enjoy the flowers that I have already planted. Most of them are bulbs so after they bloom I can dig some of them up. I won't plant anything else. I refuse to spend my time and money to beautify someone elses property so they can just have another reason to raise the rent!

I worked a 10 hour day yesterday. It was kind of spooky driving this road before it was daylight. I could see the road alright but was scared to death that a deer would jump out in front of me and I wouldn't see it in time. I made out alright and the days are getting longer so I think I can handle it again.

I had planned to go to town and have a nice lunch for my birthday but had to put that on hold. I don't usually make an extra trip once I am home I like to stay put but today is my day. I am going to meet my sister in law and nephew at Red Lobster for lunch and do a little shopping. I was going to get up and wash my car this morning but decided to give myself and my poor old car a treat. I'm taking it to the car wash before I go to lunch. I think we have both earned that.

So you see I am starting to look out for me a little more. I am also learning to take my time on big decisions and be willing to compromise on somethings but hold my ground on others. Those are lessons that I have really needed to learn.

Now to the dream.

I think you are all right. I believe that Johnny knows that I really feel like I don't have much to look forward to and when things get tough I start wondering why I am struggling so hard when all I really want is to be with him. I think he is telling me that he doesn't like to see how hard things are for me but I can not go to him yet. I have to continue. I believe the clock and feeling like I am running out of time is because I am always rushing and that is something that he was always concerned about. I felt that I had to hurry to make some decisons and he was telling me that I have to make them but it won't matter if I take longer.

Now in this dream there was a man in the back ground. I couldn't really see him but I sensed him there and he seemed to be crippled in some way. Maybe that means that another man is not the answer for me even if I do get tempted someday. Instead of leading me forward I would just find myself tied to someone who is dependant on me too much. I also know that Johnny could be very jealous but if he thought it was for my good he wouldn't stand in my way.

The animal and the fish are what are really weird but I think I may have figured that part out too at least a little. The animal could stand for all of the things that I want to keep alive. Things in my nature like always rushing and trying to figure things out. I can figure my finances out for months ahead of time but something always comes along to change it. In the Bible fish and fishermen play a major role. Johnny also knows how strong my beliefs and Faith are. I think I am being told that the little thinks I worry about are insignificant and God and Christ will take their place and give me more of what I need than I can figure out myself.

Does any of this make sense to anyone? I have to tell you too that something very strange has happened to reinforce part of this. I have a calculator. In the last two weeks everytime I had a few minutes I was running numbers on it trying to see how much I am making, how much I will be able to make with SS and how much I need to pay my bills and go on my vacation. I always had it in my hand and just couldn't let it rest. Well my calculater has disappeared. I had it on the table by my recliner the last time I saw it. I have searched everywhere and can not find it. I even called and asked if I had left it at my last 24 hour job in case I had remembered wrong. I guess I am to stop figuring all of that and just do what I can each day and leave the rest to God.

Thanks for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it. Now I am going to have one more cup of coffee and walk Misty. Then I am off to town for me this time instead of work.

[Maryanne]

Well first of all, horay, you are getting out with family and having a good dinner at Red lobster...yum..

You seem to be more orgainized with your thinking and taking things a little slower. That is good. That makes me smile.

And the trip to visit your children, defintely long overdue. Where do they live? Do you have grandchildren? Sorry for the questions, but inquiring minds wants to know

I am just thinking that maybe you can move to where you children are so you can see them more often. Am I way off base there?

I think your interpration is right on as your belief is so strong in the Lord.

I don't understand about the calculator disappearing, that really is strange but it kinda makes me laugh if it is Johnny he certainly is trying to make a point! If he is, I think maybe he is saying you don't need that, everything will fall in place on its own.

Let me tell you what happened to me. My mom passed, she left me her jewelry. Nothing expensive just her small diamond and her wedding band. Well, I always wore my wedding band but I always take if off at night. I can't sleep with any jewelry on my hands Anyway, I always take if off with my watch and they are always together. Well, I cannot find my wedding band anywhere Of course I search all over, even dumb places like the freezer etc, with no luck. So now I have been wearing my moms. Hmmmmmmm.... I wonder.

Anyway, Happy Birthday and have many many more. It seems like you Johnny is always around when it is a holiday. He really misses you too.

If you find the calculator let me know. That is soooo strange.

Hope you had a good dinner and enjoyed being around people who are healthy. You need to be away for the sick, if only for a little while.

Take care,

Maryanne

[lilyjohn]

Thanks Maryanne

I had a great day. Got up and took my time with my coffee came on here for a while then walked Misty. I left here at 10:30 then went to town. I dropped my time sheets off (this week I had 72 hours only instead of 118 like last week) then got my car washed. I left there stopped and got Misty's food and then on to Wall Mart. My lucky day found a spot to park right in front as soon as I got there. I exchanged the printer for the one I want and bought a few things. On to Red Lobster.

My sister in law and nephew met me there. We had a great lunch and even better conversation. Got ready to leave and she wouldn't let me pay. She said it was my birthday present. Then on to the grocery store and home. I had a nice long conversation with Johnny's uncle in Missouri and then my brother called and we talked for a while.

Now I have my cake for the pot luck at church in the oven(banana nut whipped cream) and I had my left overs from lunch for supper. Still time to relax for a while and tomorrow is church, pot luck and phone calls with my children and grandchildren.

Yes I have 8 grandchildren. There are 5 girls and 3 boys ranging in age from 4 to 23. By the way the 23 year old and the 4 year old are sisters with one other 19 year old sister in between.

No I won't move to where they live. They are in Louisiana and I lived there for 32 years and was miserable the whole time. This is my home. I want to spend more time with them but I just couldn't live there again.

As for the dream I'm pretty sure I have it pretty close. The calculator has to be to keep me from always figuring and worrying about tomorrow. Johnny was always telling me that I needed to slow down and learn to relax. It worried him because I had worked so hard for so long and still rushed around all of the time.

And finally yes, I believe he is always with me not just in my heart but his spirit as well. We spent too many years apart and he told me that he would never leave me. Sometimes I get upset when I don't get those signs but sooner or later another one will come. I have had hundreds of signs and experiences sense he died. Just think I never believed it that before. Boy do I now

So anyway things are getting better for me. I know that Johnny wants me to live and not just for work. I know that I can't be with him right now so I go on and do what I have to do and really believe that God has and will lead me where I need to go.

[Maryanne]

Hi Lil,

All I can say is I am really glad that since that dream and your interperation, you have made some changes and that is a positive sign. Johnnie must have a smile on his face

Great chatting with you, and please let me know when you feel his presence. That just interests me and also if you find that darn calculator

I am so glad you had a nice outing on your birthday.

Be good to yourself,

Maryanne

[Donna]

This isn't about a dream but very strange as well..Remember when I posted about Mark sending me pennies from Heaven?

If you don't remember,ever since my mom died,when Mark and I would go to chemo we would always find pennies..I always said to him they are from Mom in heaven..

After mark died, I found so many pennies in so many strange places..Of course, now I know that my brother knows I look for pennies, so he sends them to me..

Last night we got Chinese food, and I never read the fortune..By the way this was Mark's favorite food!! I read the fortune cookie and this is what it said

"Pennies from Heaven find their way to your doorstep this year"...

That is just too strange for my nerves...I know that has to be Mark talking to me..I saved the fortune in a safe place and will treasure it always..

Donna