Ann Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the ter m, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold 'tater salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin' " < /SPANcan be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line," (not "on line," Yankees) ... we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, and all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a s ign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____ SOUTHERN WOMEN Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The beach The beach Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta (Addlanna) Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler, of course! Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Wearing too much makeup in the summer Southern girls know men may come and go,but friends are fahevah ! Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!! Bless your hearts ... y'all have a blessed day now, y' hear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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