Ann Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the ter m, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold 'tater salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin' " < /SPANcan be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line," (not "on line," Yankees) ... we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, and all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a s ign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____ SOUTHERN WOMEN Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The beach The beach Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta (Addlanna) Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler, of course! Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Wearing too much makeup in the summer Southern girls know men may come and go,but friends are fahevah ! Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!! Bless your hearts ... y'all have a blessed day now, y' hear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Quick History Note; The south did not lose the war; we got tired of Fightin it! Thaanks I needed a good laugh and that was right on the money Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 As a gal from Alabama, I will have to admit that it is all true...ya'heah! Also when we wash veggies in south Alabama we "run them through waters". As in,"those peas were prity dirty. I had to run them through 3 waters." For those of you that haven't figured it out....they were washed 3 times. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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