See me through my tears

[cindy0519]

Came across this and thought maybe it would be a good thing to share.. hope nobody minds all my endless ramblings...

See Me Through My Tears

You asked, “How are you doing?” As I told you, tears came to my eyes. . .and you looked away and quickly began to talk again. All the attention you had given drained away.

“How am I doing?” . . . I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two. These feelings are indescribable. If you’ve never felt them you cannot fully understand. Yet I need you. When you look away, when I’m ignored, I am again alone with them. Your attention means more than you can know.

Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know! They’re nature’s way of helping me to heal. . .They relieve some of the stress of sadness.

I know you fear that asking how I’m doing brings me sadness. . . but it doesn’t work that way. The memory of my loved one’s absence is with me, only a thought away.

My tears make my loss more visible to you, but you did not cause this sadness, it was already there.

When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing what to do? You are not helpless, and you don’t need to do a thing but be here for me. When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow, you’ve helped me. You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need. Be patient. . .do not fear.

Listening with your heart to “how I am doing” validates what I am going through, for when the tears can freely come I feel lighter.

Talking to you releases what I’ve been wanting to say aloud, clearing space for a touch of joy in my life.

I’ll cry for a minute or two, then I’ll wipe my eyes, and sometimes you’ll even find I’m laughing in a while.

When I hold back my tears, my throat grows tight, my chest aches, my stomach knots. . . because I’m trying to protect you from my tears.

Then we both hurt. Me, because my feelings are held inside, causing pain and a shield against our closeness. You, because suddenly we’re emotionally distant.

So please, take my hand and see me through my tears. . .

[Ann]

Please...don't ever worry about having us hear to listen. You refer to your posts as "ramblings" but we know that your posts are really coming from your heart. This post had such a wonderful message and I am so glad you shared it with us. Often, I feel so very helpless and so want to be able to do more to help people that have lost a loved one. Then, I stop and remember how important it can be just to have someone to listen. So...I'm always here to listen!

[RandyW]

Those posts of which you speak are not ramblings, but pieces of wisdom and Comfort andI Enjoy all of them. This is really nice puts things in perspective thanks for sharing.

[heyjudefl1]

I am so totally shattered I don't know what to do. My husband died 3 weeks ago with lung cancer after a year of unbelievable hell. I cry in my home alone and tell everyone I am ok. But I am not. I smell his clothes and listen to his music and want him back. I want to die and join him because this life his not worth living. I drink wine which takes the edge off but only lasts for awhile. I lurk on this site because it makes me suffer more. When does the pain stop.

[RandyW]

First of All I am so sorry for your loss of your Husband. I too have felt the same pain and there are many recently who can understand what you are going through. My deepest condolences and most heartfelt prayers.

It has been 6 months. My late wifes car and clothing and books and belongings are still in the house and driveway. I go to work and come home and clean and take care of everything i want to.

The pain will never go away. It will decrease with time but always linger I think. We will never forget our true loves who have died so slowly in front of our eyes and have fought so hard to stay with us for so long. People may die but memories will stay with us for a lifetime. Will it help to write about your husband and all your feelings. You can share with us or do it privately if you wish to not share. I found it helped to just start writing everything I remembered and posted it here. Every one has been so caring and compassionate thru the whole ordeal. Another thing I do is every night; I go outside before bed when it is cooler and I sit in my patio with a cold beer and I talk to Deb. Neighbors thought I was crazy for yelling when she first passed but now thy understand me. I say goodnite and I love you every night. I have many pictures and Now I think of her as my guardian angel watching over me every day and night while i sleep and Daisy too My dawggy. cry whenn ever you want I cried for 2 weeks in the grocery store I did not care what people thought. We had a blast in the grocery store. DO what ever you want too do but get it out do not let grief bottle up. The pain will subside over time. I did not say it will go away though. I hope some things here help you out. If I can help personally PM Me i check ina couple of times a day. also check out Beyond Indigo.com Cut and paste this not direct link May help some. Sending Prayers for you at this difficult time.