Snowflake Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Home Remedies and Rules of Life 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink. 4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right." Never pass up an opportunity to go potty. And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know who's going to choose your nursing home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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