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First of all, don't ever worry about being a burden here. Everyone wants to help each other. Second, everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. Grief will happen in stages. I remember clearly the day that it hit me that I would never see Dennis again. Although I knew he was never coming back, the thought that I would never see that beautiful face again finally hit home. I handled it very poorly. I went to the store and bought a big bottle of wine. I drank the entire bottle alone and then was really depressed. My sons had to "rescue" me at 2:00 am when I called them in tears. There will be so many stages and so many little thoughts that will trigger these lows. The hardest part is accepting the finality of the entire thing. Some will advise to think of the happy times when you get really down. I do the opposite. When my spirits are very low, I think of how very sick Dennis was and how he suffered. Then I can close my eyes and thank God that he will never have to endure that terrible pain again. Things work differently for different people. You just have to work through this and find what helps you the most. I do know that Hospice has some very great support groups. Maybe you could check into that. There, everyone could relate to your feelings. Please know that things will get better. It's been 9 long months since I lost the love of my life. It seems like an eternity since I held his hand or kissed his lips. But....there are some rays of sunshine in my life now. I still have some very rough times that can be triggered by the smallest things...a song on the radio...a smell...a familiar place...a truck like his. So my friend....keep up the faith! Don't hold in the tears...let 'em all out. Remember you have lots of friends here that will do anything necessary to help you!!!

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Christina, I am sorry that you are hurting so much. What you are going through is unimaginable to me. Even after my Dad died, things were different for at least a year. But I do believe you will feel better, in time.

You are so right - there are multiple losses when a loved one is gone. Now that the friends and family are gone home, these losses are coming at you at full force. Hug that doggie, and reach out to your and Chris' friends - I'll bet they would like to hear from you.

I hope your healing comes swiftly, and please do tell us about it all. Writing about your pain can help it go away. Fondly, Teresa

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Hi Christina! I am so sorry first of all that you are in so much pain, grieving is probably the worse feeling and so very unpredictable. My husband passed away last November and I still have nights where I burst into tears because I am so alone, the loss hurts worse when I've been sick or have to handle some chore he always took care of and somedays I can hear his voice in my head say some silly thing he use to say all the time or pet name he use to call me, it pops out without trying. I am learning to deal with it and you will find as time goes by you will too, it's not easy, it really takes alot of time to learn a new life all over again, don't pressure yourself to heal when your not ready. Lean on your friends and family and cry when you want to. I hope will find some comfort in the next few months, even though with holidays coming up, it will be hard but you will find a way to be okay because you will be amazed at the strength you will find in yourself. It will be there when you need it most. Even to this day, the shock that my life is now so different then it was this time last year really gets to me if I think about it too much, even now. Hug your puppy (I have a sweetie cold nose too that is my best friend, she is a perfect hugging size) and let yourself be okay with the emotional rollercoaster you are on. Sorry my post is so long, keep in touch with all of here in this forum, it's been a lifesaver for me so far. ((hug)) Kim B.

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