Mental Hospital Phone Menu

[ginnyde]

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the

Line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the

Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell

you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,

nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the

beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term

memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up... Our operators are too

busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie

down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

[Patti B]

These days, I think I would have to press EVERY button!!

[Connie B]